What dreams may come

my visit with rabbit for Sir's birthday is coming up and i am so excited that i am doing happy jumps inside!! lol rabbit is excited albeit rather nervous as well. i can't say that i blame her....i know how nerve-wracking it was the first time i met Sir. my emotions range from nervous to excited, apprehension to excited all mixed in with a high amount of anticipation. i know some of the things my Master has planned will push my submission. Yet they all sound so very erotic as well...goodness. lol There are many new things that will be explored and experienced on many levels for all three of us, makes this visit even more special. For me, one avenue my Master wants to explore is my re-awakening bi-sexuality. rabbit knows how long it has been since i have touched (intimately) or fu*ked another female so she understands why i am nervous. In fact, she finds it a little funny. There is so much planned for this visit that Sir and i agreed that it might be best to write down my expereinces at the end of each day otherwise i may not be able to remember everything unless i do so. i have the feeling it will take me a while to write all of it down when i get back. lol i do have some wonderful images in my head though....all three of us cuddling together for a quiet moment and of course my favorite fantasy of me and another female giving Sir a massage. rabbit and i are even buying a bottle of vanilla massage oil.....i know that Sir desires to see rabbit and i give each other massages and slick bodies can never be a bad thing. *grin* There have been some pictures (of two women being intimate) that my Master has shared with me that i must admit arouses me...blush. Just the thought of Sir laying in bed with a girl on each side makes me all warm inside. On a different note, i will be able to show rabbit that part of me she has only seen glimpses of when i am on the phone with Sir. she can see how the dynamic between my Master and i works....she will be able to really see my submission/slavery to Him instead of imagining it. This is something that i am happy to share with her more so since she is beginning to discover her submissive side. In with that, rabbit will strip (or more to the point be displayed naked) for someone for the first time. she will do things she has fantasized about (yet never had the courage to say anything about-until now lol) as well as she will receive her first spanking. i know my Master is excited about that and so am i. i have never watched Sir Dominate another female, so that will be cool to watch as well. Soooo many wonderful things to happen. rabbit thinks that being "given away" as a present is very erotic and i am so happy that i am able to please my Master by providing Him with what He really wanted for His birthday. This visit will be very fun i think as well as enlightening with many new experiences. i can hardly wait!

20 seconds

i just finished my nightly ritual. With the new addition, which is doing my positions, holding each position for a slow count of 20 seconds. After going through my positions i then do my 15 minutes of meditation in position 6. Well....life has been stressful lately, something in which we all know can happen. Tonight, i stayed in pos.1 and held it. 20 seconds came and gone.....all i did was stay there and breath. Struggled to find that place within me....the place that is beyond the chaos which is sometimes my life. i know i could have just did my count to 20 and then switch positions but i was yearning, needing that deep seeded calmness that resides within my submission. i don't feel "out of whack" often but when i do, it seems to all but consumes me. So i waited and then the image of my Master, sitting and gently smiling came to mind. i felt my body slowly settle in position, my mind started to slow as my entire self fully focused on my submission to Him. It was then that i switched positions. As i went through each position, the gentle intensity within me grew until by the time i hit position 5 i was fully within that wonderful place which Sir has guided me to. my eyes were closed, breath deep and even with images in my head of sitting by His feet, with His hand stroking my hair. With each continuing position my body would flow from one transition to the next, almost like a dance of sorts. Still kept my count of 20 seconds but i just let myself float as much as possible. (in r/l the emotions are infinitely more intense and longer lasting) When i went into my meditation position, i lost track of time. i just let myself feel and for whatever reason affirmations went running through my head, although instead of thinking them, i found myself answering them out loud. Words are powerful and even now my mind is calm and focused. i didn't think about yesterday or tomorrow....the only thing that was on my mind was the simple joy i get from pleasing my Master and how happy i am being His. i am not sure how tomorrow will be but i figure i will let it figure itself out on it's own. lol 20 seconds isn't a long time, indeed it is very short but sometimes 20 seconds is all you need.

Sir's trip

Sir left few days ago on a trip out of the country. From what pictures and web sites i have seen it is really beautiful in some parts and i was excited albeit a little sad to see Him go. At first it was thought that my Master would not be able to call me for the entire 12 days....call rates soar so very long conversations were out. At first i was a little mixed about my Master leaving.....sure enough i was happy that He was going to do something new but also i knew i was going to miss speaking with Him very much. i was also worried about how His trip would go and if He would make it every where He wanted to go safely. (Although i have gotten much better with traveling, sometimes i still get a little nervous myself) Truth be told, i was more worried about how everything would go for Him than not being able to speak with Him. The really good news is that A) His trip has gone wonderful so far, He has seen some really astounding sites, He did something really really cool the other day and He has eaten foods He has never tried before. Also He has met some really interesting people and has had a good time so far. B) So far my Master has seen fit to call me everyday, although i know that there may be days He will not be able to. i love hearing from Him, to hear how His day has gone and what His thoughts are of where He is. The stories He tells me are sometimes really funny or what He describes is wonderful. Also, i feel better being able to connect with Him for even a brief period of time. That is something that i am very grateful for and i feel lucky that He is willing to spend the time (and the money) speaking with me, even for just 15 minutes. i am not sure if humbled would be the correct word, i just know that i feel privileged when He does call. Overall, so far so good. lol i very much hope that the rest of His trip goes well and that He sees some really wonderful things.

10,000

It is amazing.....the counter finally hit 10,000!! And now here is the really interersting part....it was my Master, looking to see what number the blog was up to, that turned it to 10,000! How cool is that.....really?? lol

This is just a quick note to say thank you to everyone who has read this blog and to those who still read about my journey. It has been amazing so far and knowing that there is still so much left to explore leaves me looking forward to the future. Here's to future blogs and bondage (and everything else)

xoxo

chai

rabbit update

This is just a quick update on rabbit....the other night, as Sir was on the phone with rabbit and i, she did something that surprised Sir. (and me as well) i was on the phone speaking with Sir and she asked Him for permission to go to the bathroom! Sir did not prod her to do so, instead she did it because she thought it to be the proper way to show Him respect. Considering she is new to the lifestyle it was an action i nor Sir predicted. my Master told her that she was a good girl and i could not help but smile with rabbit at His words.

Rabbit Update

Something interesting has happened lately. It would seem that my friendship with rabbit has taken an interesting turn. As i have already told everyone, rabbit is coming with me to visit Sir soon. During this visit, she will explore aspects such as domestic service, sexual service and a touch of erotic pain here and there. i am sooo excited about this visit and so is rabbit and Sir. Well, in addition to all of this occurring, it would seem that rabbit enjoys the idea of a poly lifestyle, albeit a bit nervous as well. she has experimented with poly before although it did not end well (too much jealousy) and has voiced her concerns with me about it. But she still likes the idea and it looks like that she may become the third that my Master and i have looked for, at least temporarily. i really like the idea of rabbit becoming part of our poly family with my Master and i. she is a very good friend and new to the lifestyle but eager to learn. i think what it is really, is the fact that i know i can trust her. i know she won't be a brat (she is way to mature to be like that), she is responsible and she understands what the dynamic is about. Also, on a more personal note, i know that she will not try to shove me out of Sir's life in an attempt to assure her place in His (i think that could happen...even without someone meaning to) she really sees poly as a family....the same concept that Sir and i share. Since she has begun to be exposed to our dynamic and is slowly learning about herself and the lifestyle, there are changes i see in her. she has become more open about talking about things and she is not as guarded as she once was. she seems a bit more sure in knowing who she is and overall i think that her confidence in herself is growing. It is cute to watch her blush and then laugh at the questions Sir and i pose as well as when she answers them. The other night, rabbit and Sir were on the phone and Sir instructed her on how she is to ask to cum during her visit. i will admit that i got quite the giggle out of her facial expressions but on a serious note, i know how hard that was to do. she had to pull from herself and the inside and for the first time, she really did something to please someone else (from a submissive standpoint), even though it made her uncomfortable. i was very proud of her....more so since the first time i did anything like that it was just Sir and i....i didn't have someone staring at me. But she did it and was happy that she did. i can only wonder what will happen when she and i go see Him, although i have the feeling that this all may very well turn into something wonderful.

Three

This entry comes from a letter that my Master suggested i write to another slave about what i think a poly dynamic should entail. When discussing a poly dynamic with other subs or people in general, sometimes it is difficult to decide which attribute or aspect to approach first. i think the number one thing on my list is friendship between all three of us. There have been a few subs that either He or i or both have spoken to that only seem interested in Him. Of course my view is that both subs/slaves should be focused on Him but also think that a relationship between her and i should be strong as well. In my mind a sister sub would pretty much be one of my best friends....someone i am fond of and genuinely care about and vise versa. i would like to be able to confide in her and be able to share experiences with her, to be able to go out and have coffee with His permission. Also, being able to serve my Master beside another sub who feels the depth of her submission and wishes to explore it is another wonderful aspect. There are so many things that i would love to explore with a sister sub that i respect and am friends with.
Within a poly dynamic i see that truthfully there would be 4 parts. There would be the relationship between Master and her, He and i, she and i and then the dynamic that all three of us would share. i see it as there would be a different relationship between my Master and her and Him and i since our (the subs) needs, likes and dislikes would be different. That is a natural occurrence and one i think should not cause jealousy. That seems to be a concern with most subs/slaves i have spoken to and that concern is not without some merit. Although i think that with good communication between all three people that can be avoided. No doubt, a poly dynamic would not always be easy but i truly think that the rewards would be more than worth the effort.
In response to my letter, she raised the concern of being confided in and yet telling Sir all that was said in our conversation. That too is important and i wrote back to her stating that i agreed for there is nothing i should tell her that my Master does not already know or should not be aware of. i think that could also be problematic....there have been times i have needed to sort out a problem with someones help. Really to just need a third persons perspective or to vent. So i see her concern as a valid one. Where do you draw the line at having a conversation with someone, knowing that they just need to vent and having a conversation that has an important tone that effects the dynamic? Is there even a line there really? i guess there are quite a few questions and situations that could occur but playing "what if" i think may be a waste of time. The best possible thing to do (in my opinion) would be to take it one day at a time and see what happens. But as i stated to the sub i wrote, the rewards would be worth the energy and time spent.

Finding Tears

There was a particular scene that Sir and i did this past visit that shook my emotional self to the point where my Master agrees with me when i describe myself as an emotional yo yo after that scene. During the scene as well was a rollercoaster of sorts, my inner self flipping from one end to the other and eventually finding a middle ground within the chaos of my mind. It started out easy enough with my Master using the "thuddy" flogger, soft at first then with increasing pressure but nothing i could not handle with just deep breaths. He then started to mix a couple of medium strokes and then a hard fast one that had me squirming. i cannot remember in what order things came next but i will describe each as best as i can. At one point in time Sir pulled out the stingy flogger and oh.....my.....goodness. It stung quite a bit and thus started the frantic searching inside my head on how to breath through it all. Sir also decided to use the stinger.....i was standing, legs spread with Sir kneeling between my legs.i couldn't close them and part of me wanted to close my legs, move..... do something. By that time He had used the thuddy and stingy flogger and the cane. It is hard to describe.....i was sort of panicked.....i knew that i was safe but at the same time not knowing how long all of this would last about drove me insane. One time that stands out in my mind is when He had finished using the cane and left me standing in the middle of the room. He only left me there for about 10 seconds....all He did was turn around and go through His toy bag, looking for something, although i did not know what at the time. While His back was turned, i felt the tears in the back of my eyes and a little voice inside my head was saying "too much, too much!!" my heart was pounding, my breath a bit shaky and i was sooo nervous not knowing what He was going to do next. But here is the really cool part....once i stopped fighting the tears, it suddenly wasn't too much. Yes i was being pushed and my reaction showed that but holding it in was hurting me more than what was happening. (i hope that makes sense) Well, the next thing i know Sir has the stinger in Has hand, although i felt it before i saw it really. Owwwwwww. lol No i wasn't really looking at what was in His hand. (But i knew what it was the moment i felt it, that's for sure!) In fact, while my Master was using the stinger i had the craziest urge to giggle, even though i was crying and wanting it to end (somewhat-lol). A whole slew of emotions ran through me the entire time. Something that stands out is that from time to time, Sir would hold my face, look into my eyes and give me a kiss. During that tender, slow moment i would feel an increase of arousal. i knew that He was doing this for a reason and that i could trust Him. Yet another example of what i call "calm facts". Even with my emotions bouncing off the walls, the fact that i had no idea what He was going to do....in the calm space within my mind, i knew that He wasn't going to hurt me. i think because of that, my emotional, mental and physical self was able to grasp the erotic feel of His lips and hear the gentle pride in His voice when He would say good girl. (i am a happy slave whenever He says that) After He had used the stinger, my Master had me lie back on His bed, told me not to move my legs and continued with the stinger along with a couple of other items. When He was done, He had me sit up next to Him at which time all i could do was lean against Him and just feel His strength. How calming it is to have ones Master just hold you after a scene in which the sub/slave is pushed. As we were talking, i confessed that i still had the urge to cry....an urge i am not sure weather or not surprised my Master. He told me in a calm voice that that was okay and if i still needed to let it out i could and should. So i did. lol i think i just needed that extra bit of release although i was a bit cuddly for sometime after...but Sir is very kind and understanding about after-care so He allowed me the time i needed to gather myself together. i have said before that Sir gives me that safe harbor in which to just let go of what ever i am feeling and i am happy that i am getting better at doing that. As with many scenes Sir and i have done, this one made everything feel a little surreal for a little bit although i was very happy afterward. Happy that i had pleased Him, happy that i made it through the scene, happy that i was able to let go emotionally even more and very happy becuase.....well......my Master decided to push me and through it all i know that i had made Him proud. What more could a slave ask for?

slave kabobs cont.

After k and i had walked into the living room to Sir and M, i asked if anyone wanted dessert. Well Sir was the only one who wanted dessert at the time so i went back into the kitchen while k went to sit at M's feet. When i returned, k was in pos. 5 with her legs spread....yes again i looked. lol Well Sir had me get into the same position as well and while i was there, k slipped into a position quite closely resembling pos 6. (Now please bear with me, this is where the order of things may get messed up lol) Needless to say k had a pretty good view of my cu*t and she was looking as well...yay me!! lol Well somehow she and i got to joking about if she had a long enough tongue i would have to beg Sir's permission to let her do it, or something to that effect. That lead into a joke about how Sir and M were both looking at k and i. That is where M got the new nickname "King Leer". It was rather funny really. At one point in time Sir had me stand up and get into pos.1 saying that it had been a while since He had me do positions. Just being in pos.1 felt very good to do and i wondered if my Master was going to have me go through all nine. But that is not what He had in mind for the moment. While i was in pos.1 M started to lightly (i think) slap k's cu*t!! Omg.....lol. To be honest all i could do was stare but in a good way. i have never seen someone do something like that in front of me before i must admit that i found it kind of erotic and yet at the same time, i took an observers pov. Really just curious about k's reaction to what M was doing. While this was happening, Sir released me from pos.1 and had me sit back down at His feet. So i got to watch M play with k for a little bit doing various things and then Sir had me crawl over His lap for a spanking. He made the comment that He had not given me spanking yet that day....to explain, it is almost like a ritual really. When i enter Sir's house i (almost all the time) am instructed to strip and place myself over His lap for a spanking. However with what time i arrived and what needed to be done, there simply was not time to do so. So my Master decided that then would be a good time to do so. Instead of feeling nervous, i only felt excitement and happiness. As you all know i love being spanked by my Master and Him doing so in front of M and k did not bother me in the least. After fu*king k with the strap-on i am not sure if there is much that would make me too nervous. A little nervous, definitely, but nothing that would cause me to pause in my actions. So i placed myself over His lap the way that He desired me to and just relaxed onto Him. i heard k moan or groan from time to time....i would hear light slaps and all i could do was wonder what was happening and i got pretty curious. lol While i had an audio experience Sir was spanking me and i became pretty aroused and wet. At the same time, i was also getting a bit frustrated.....Sir was spanking me pretty hard but for some reason i felt like i was in between sub space and normal. Part of me really wanted to go into sub space while another part of me was really enjoying hearing k's moans and my Master and M casually speaking to each other. The whole thing was erotic and kind of surreal to a point and i enjoyed everything very much. Then comes the blushing...lol. At some point in time, i think it was M who commented on me being quiet and the next thing i know i was ordered to turn my position so i was facing Sir's couch where M and k where. The next thing i know i have a perfect view of k's cu*t....omg. her legs were spread pretty far apart with her feet on the floor and M doing.....well i can't remember what actually. i do remember that He was using her cu*t at the time and k was enjoying herself quite a bit. i liked hearing and seeing her aroused and definitely enjoying herself. Being laid over my Master's lap where He would spank me from time to time was just wonderful while i was being allowed to observe and watch what was going on. When k came close to cumming, Sir made a comment about asking permission to cum and M told k that since it was His (my Master's) house it was only polite to ask Sir's permission to cum. i loved it, i loved it....lol. k obeyed Him and asked my Master for permission to cum and He told her "not yet". Oh goodness that was new...not only did i get to see her all aroused i also got to see her work with orgasm control. i was a little split about that....i know hard it can be to hold off an orgasm and i have a soft spot for other subs/slaves having to go through stuff. On the other side it was arousing to hear someone other than myself ask Sir for permission to cum and the fact that she was ordered to ask by M was really rather interesting. After a short amount of time, k asked again and this time my Master gave permission and i got see and hear another women orgasm in r/l. Wow...lol. It seems that every time M and k come around i end up doing or experiencing something new....true enough there is plenty i haven't done yet but i am always willing to try. After all was said and done k went back to do positions and somehow i ended up on the floor at Sir's feet once again. (Such a lovely place to be) But that, amongst other details, i do not remember. At the end of the night k got re-dressed and we all chatted for a little while longer before they left. When leaving, we all exchanged hugs and said what a wonderful time that we had. i am not sure if it would be possible to have anything but fun with M and k around to be honest. lol They have become very good friends and i must admit i am wondering what will happen that next time Sir and i see them. Whatever it may be i am sure that a wonderful time will be had by all.

slave kabobs

Sir and i made plans for M and k to come to His house for dinner.....i was really happy and excited to see M and k again as they have become good friends of Sir and i. They showed up soon after Sir had started a fire in the fire place and everything was set to make dinner. After saying hello and hugs we all went into the kitchen where M and k sat down and Sir and i started on dinner (Sir loves to cook). While Sir and i were fixing everything k took off her top. Now that didn't bother me to be honest.....i have gotten used to seeing her naked so i didn't really think anything of it. i was still dressed so that was different.....i wasn't sure what Sir had in mind regarding my clothing but i figured i wouldn't worry about it for the time being and concentrated on speaking with everyone and making dinner. After a little bit longer k took of her skirt and i will admit i looked when opportunity presented itself...just being honest. lol Then something rather interesting happened. Sir has this drawer in His kitchen which holds miscellaneous items...wooden skewers, wooden laundry pins and a few other items. i am not sure how it happened but while dinner was being prepared, my Master took them out and put them on the counter. So M put a couple of the pins on k's nipples, let them sit there a couple of minutes and then kind of yanked them off. Ohhhh....that hurt to look at. lol Painful yet intriguing. i had to giggle with k when that happened and then i turned around and resumed helping with dinner. At one point in time, i was facing the sink and i remember Sir coming behind me and lifted my shirt over my head and then unbuttoned my skirt and dragged it down my body. This again, i wasn't too shocked about to be honest....a little surprised since my Master normally has me take off my clothing instead of Him doing it. But i must admit it was a bit of a turn on for Him to strip me in His kitchen. lol Sir does not normally undress me although it was rather nice. As for the dinner itself....i must say that my Master makes a wonderful London Broil. Sooo yummy! Lots of wonderful conversation ranging from vanilla matters to BDSM centered. i always greatly enjoy hanging out with M and k and tonight was no exception. After dinner was done k helped me clean up....while Sir and M got a few ideas. Sir grabbed a couple of wooden skewers and decided to bend them back and let them snap back on my ass a couple of time. i do not remember who suggested it, but someone made the suggestion that Sir put His name on my ass.....well i didn't get His name on my ass as my Master decided that His initials were enough. Omg....it hurt, yet felt good, and i held onto the counter trying hard not to move or jump. i ended up doing it anyways...lol. But when He was finished you could clearly make out His initials on my ass....a temporary branding i think M called it. After Sir was done with me, M was using the skewer on k and then Sir jumped in on it as well. lol i was a little surprised that k did not move the entire time until she said that she was afraid that if she moved the pain would go away. i must admit that i did laugh a little at that....it wasn't what she said (i can understand where she is coming from) but rather how she said it. The only way i could put it is cute and even she giggled a little bit. Watching that happen was very interesting...i got a little aroused yet i must admit that i was mostly curious about her reaction. The whole thing was done in a lighthearted manner really so i think everyone was pretty relaxed the entire time. After k and i got slapped with the skewers i was actually pretty happy and kept giggling....since almost every time i turned around there was a comment about His initials on my ass. (Sir was happy that they were still there...since marks fade quickly on me) But i was proud that i stood still enough for Him to do it and i even asked Sir if i could get a picture of it before the marks went away. Which was forgotten about but there is a very fun, new and good reason why. After all of that had occurred k and i finished up cleaning the kitchen while Sir and M went into the living room to chat, which also gave k and i time to speak as well. After she and i had finished cleaning we went into the living room where Sir and M where at. All of what happened next was new in some ways and also very fun although i did blush a few times.

Wow

Sir and i were on the couch cuddling when He made the comment that He thought that i should go into the shower. i said "yes Sir" but did not move for a few moments....He allowed me to stay within His arms for a few more moments and then told me to go ahead and go. i hopped off the couch and replied once again "yes Sir". my voice was a little subdued because i was thinking about what i was going to do.....or attempt to do anyways. i took off all of my clothes, folded them up and kneeled in the shower to wait for Him. Very shortly He came in and my breath caught in my chest and my eyes closed briefly.....when i opened them once again i watched Sir unzip His pants and pull out His c*ck. i took a deep breath to calm myself and as He started to pee on me my eyes just closed. i couldn't help it...so much was going through my head. i opened my mouth and concentrated on keeping my mouth open. At first He started on my breasts and then started to pee into my mouth. As i did last time, i gently pushed it out but then something new happened.....i swallowed. Not just a tiny bit but a reasonable amount. Omg....it is hard to describe how it felt. i didn't plan on it, in fact, it just kind of happened. When i realized what i did my mind froze for just a second and then this astounding rush of submission and humbleness hit me. i kept my mouth open and i dimly heard Sir say "good girl". The next thing i knew i swallowed again....part of me didn't believe i did it the first time. lol The second time i swallowed even more of His pee and Sir told me later that He could see my throat work when i did. The feeling in the room (at least for me) seemed to change....all i could feel was my submission and His Dominance. Amazing in my opinion..... i swallowed a third time and by that time i could swear i was in sub-space. Not the same as when Sir uses the flogger or crop but i was in this head space where the world around me seemed to fade away. After Sir had finished, my eyes were still closed and for the life of me they wanted to stay that way. lol i do remember opening them briefly and saw Sir had squatted next to the shower. i closed my eyes once again....the moment still seemed so intense and i was still in that lovely head space. He asked me if i was with Him and i remember giving Him a non-verbal response....my mouth didn't want to work either apparently. i opened my eyes and He looked into them, tenderly stroked my face and ask me what i was. "i am Your slave Sir" was my response, barely above a whisper. He told me i was a good girl once again, gently kissed me on my lips and just let me stay there kneeling for a minute. i am sure that my Master could see how "rocked' i was by the experience and He gave me the time to kind of collect myself before helping me up so i could take a shower. The time showering was pretty cool....it was almost like being drunk. lol Perhaps a bad analogy but.....you know how when you get a little tipsy, you can still see everything but it feels surreal to a certain point? Well that is how i was feeling while i was bathing. Sir would come in and look at me and all i could to was smile at Him. How very very wonderful. Even after i got out, the feeling of that deep heartfelt submission stayed with me for a couple of hours and even now i can remember how i felt. i may not be able to describe it very well but i remember with such clarity. Swallowing for the first time was astounding. Although i always feel that depth of submission whenever Sir decides to pee on me, swallowing seemed to take golden showers to a new level as well as my submission. The whole event was incredible and i was so very happy that i was able to please Him and take another step into our exploration of golden showers. i am hoping that next time i will be able to swallow even more for Him and eventually be able to not have to kneel in the shower period unless Sir wants me to. Yet another wonderful step into this journey with my Master and as always i am looking forward to whatever else may come.