When Vanilla Comes First

i'm baaaack! lol Actually i have been back for a few days but have been unable to write for school obligations must come first. This visit to Master proved to be interesting in many regards. Sometimes the vanilla world must come first and so it was with this visit to Sir. There were so many things happening that i think Master and i both ran out of energy, mentally and physically. You see, Master got a new puppy. The puppy is adorable, cute and very very energetic to say the least. lol That and the puppy is still being house trained. So between the frequent bathroom visits outside (including waking up in the middle of the night) and lots of play time and fussing over him, i think the puppy wore us both out! So to add to that, i was in the middle of learning something at school which was extremely difficult. Master helped me out so much and i was thanking Him all weekend. Without Him, i doubt i would have even been able to start on my homework, let alone finish it. But He and i ended up spending little over 9 hours in 3 days working on my assignment. And that was just working on my assignment, not the questions i ended up asking at His home about it. That and the other homework i had to complete. Master said that my homework came first and i must agree that it did this visit. But even in the midst off all things that were happening, Master and i were still able to find some time to sit back and relax. From my perspective, i was just happy that i was able to be in Master's presence all weekend, even if i was sitting at my laptop typing away for school. M and k did come over one night for dinner, which i will write about soon. Master decided to start me on some new training and i ended up being pushed in a way i had not expected, which had some rather interesting results of me crying in His kitchen. That and i have in mind to write about something else that happened or rather what i was thinking when i was doing it. Full of mysteries aren't i?

One year in the making

Only a week left until i am to go back to Master! The emotions and thoughts that that brings are certainly that of a variety. See, this visit will be of significance. Not only will it be practically Valentine's Day, it will also be one year to the day, that i first met Master in r/l. One year already.....how time flies. Sometimes that passage of time seems like it was yesterday and sometimes it seems like we have known each other longer than that. i look back on myself.....and the changes are so immense. Not only on the outside but the inside. Focusing on the outside for a moment, when i fist met Master, my hair was short and i was pale as ghost. Now i stay lightly tanned and my hair is long. Okay, so not so much on the outside. lol But on the inside....goodness that is plenty. On the inside there has been personal growth as well as growth as a slave. i have learned so much about myself. Some things i am still working on, some i have done rather well with. But here is a list of things that i have learned, experienced and still need to learn (or to a better extent).

1 Year in the making....the things i have learned

~ It is okay to cry. i still have problems with that....for me, in some ways, crying is more intimate that sex. i guess because i feel so vulnerable and small. When i feel like that, i just want to be held and protected. i have learned that Master will be there if and when that happens and that i can trust Him to give me that center i may need so badly. i have learned that it takes strength to open myself like that....turns out i may not have been as strong as i once thought.

~ How to really enjoy sex. Sounds a little weird i know but it is true. Before i met Master, sex was probably the most disgusting thing a person could do. lol But, through careful thought (and a lot of patience) on Master's part, i slowly came out of the protective shell i once was in. Truth be told, i was afraid of the intimacy of it all. Afraid i wasn't any good at it, that i wasn't very pleasing, afriad of letting someone in on that level. Now i embrace it, still learning more about my sexual self but have gained confidence in many ways.

~ Patience. Okay, still working on that one. lol But getting better with time.

~ How to watch how i say something. i used to have a really bad 24/7 case of open mouth insert foot. Now i think a bit more carefully about what i say. Even if i am joking around with Master, i have come to learn that "point", which not to cross. Master will tolerate my occasional spurts of being a smart-ass and slightly bratty but i have learned that that tolerance is usually short lived. lol Which is something i have come to appreciate. i like knowing that Master has limits with that and will put me back in place if i step out of line. (Besides what He finds amusing at the moment) Obviously, i try very hard not to give into to those impulses very often.

~ Begging. Hmm...when i first started to get the idea of begging, my micro-managing, over analytical mind broke begging down to semantics. Begging because i needed something...well...that was a little hard. i'm usually of the mindset that there is very little i need in the way of life. So it was hard to find that space inside my head. The first time i actually begged Master for something, it was because it was something that i wanted and i needed to let Him know that. i needed to let Him know that i was genuine in my request and i wanted to please Him by doing so. So in a way, my want was all surrounded by a need and a want. Hope that makes sense. lol Once i was able to clear that up, i then was able to find that space. Without feeling guilty. Which brings me to my next point.

~ Not to feel guilty of asking for something i want. Whether it be a vibe (haven't asked for that one yet...hmmmm lol) candy (i have a sweet tooth) or really my most addicting indulgence, asking Master if i may please have permission to suck His co*k. Asking for something that i want or something i want to do is perfectly okay, as long as it is done in a respectable fashion. i may not always get permission but asking does not make me selfish or greedy or anything like that. It took me a while to ask Master if i may suck His co*k the first time....but i was allowed the privilege so i was really happy to be able to serve Him in that manner.

~ S/m. Breaking that down, there are toys Master has that i do not personally care for....that doesn't matter but i am just saying. lol Some we have not tried and they make me nervous. The one toy He has in His collection that drives me up the wall would be that stinger of His. Ouchies.....the thing works wonders on wet skin and i keep having images of Master bringing a bowl of water to bed or something. It pushes my boundaries of pain but even though my brain is going "no no" my body seems to go "yes yes". That thing can make me cry pretty easily. i have also learned that when Master mixes up toys quickly, i lean on Him (figuratively speaking) pretty heavily. In a way, i like being pushed to that extent because at that time, i do not have a lot of time for thought, only reactions. If you can't think about your reactions you can't hide them. Not saying that i do that but i have caught myself in the past editing myself. What else...ahh yes. Other toys that i love. i know that they are going to hurt but i crave them anyways. Never thought about that a year ago. Never really thought about it period....it was one of those things that i really wasn't sure about in the beginning. Even then, Master moved slow with me, giving me good experiences before starting to push my boundaries.

~ Bondage. Okay, i am a bondage slut. Big bondage slut. Something about being tied up makes me go all fuzzy inside. When Master ties me up, it is a myriad of emotions within me. i feel nervous, aroused, humbled, very submissive and owned. As i have stated before, Master is the first person ever to tie me up and i look back and see how hard that pushed me and how far i have come from that point. A long long way.

~ How submissive i am. Before i begun this journey with Master, i still didn't really understand what being submissive even meant. i knew how i felt but i did not have a title to go with it, or a way to express it. my inital thoughts were close but Master gave me so much insight into submission and in doing so, into myself. Thus my journey started in earnest and i now proudly wear the title slave.

~ To submit. Okay, this was harder than i thought it would be at first. The first time i submitted to Master in r/l was the first time He tied me up. i felt the beginning edges of panic but trusted in Him, leaned on Him and submitted to what He wanted to do because it pleased Him. What an eye opener that was! Not only to submit in that manner but to also submit on a daily basis. Like not masturbating, doing my daily and nightly ritual. By thinking about what He would want me to do, when i am not with Him and what decision would best serve and please Master. Since then i have always strive to go deeper within my submission....ways to show my submission to Him at all times.

~ How to open up. To be emotional. How to show my emotions and not run from them. Because of this, in this past year, i have become a softer person. More romantic, not so afraid of showing someone that side of me. Now, those silly, romantic, fun moments are something i cherish.

~ To trust. This one....well....was really very hard. Being truthful, i trusted Master as first but not a deep level. i did not know Him well enough to do that. That took time and within that time, i began to trust Him with the hidden part of myself. The emotions that Master knows are there, but not shown very often. The fears and hopes that i have, for my future. i trust Him with the part of me that gives unconditionally and without reservation. Only Master has that right in my life, it is one of the freedoms i have within our dynamic. Come to think of it, Master has rights no one else has ever had. But it all lies within trust.

With things i still need to work on. Hmm, i think that is a touchy discussion within ones self. To say that i could improve upon something but not down myself for it. Or think that i am not doing good enough as a slave. i think that requires that i take a step back and look at myself. i think within my place as slave there are a couple of things i could improve upon.

~ my posture. Sometimes i find myself slouching and even though i do correct myself immediatly, i think that i could better work on keeping my posture correct at all times.

~ Defending myself. Yeah..i am actually really bad with that. Master and i have spoken where numerous times He just waits for that "but" to escape my lips. Sometimes He laughs at it but i really think this is something i need to work on. i see it as a form of acceptance. i should not explain myself unless it is A) requested of me or B) it is of grave import. Just saying "but" to just add on to the conversation is something that, i personally, think isn't within my place. If Master has something He wants to tell me, or He is giving me an example where i could have done better, i should accept, without adding anything, that this is something that i could do better with. Master isn't doing it to insult me or say that i am a bad slave, He is doing it because He cares for me and He wants to help me learn.

~ Still needing to work on opening up and becoming more emotional. This really is a hard one for me.....i know that a lot of people never intend to hurt you....but that it will probably happen anyways. The thing to focus on is knowing the difference between non-intentional vs intentional. i am aware of this and goodness knows i have apologized more than enough times for things i have done or thought i have done. Some part of me is just wary....maybe i am a bit more jaded than i thought.....and i really don't like that. Makes me feel yucky inside. ::sigh::

~ Saying sorry all the time. This is something that Master and i have had discussions about before and He is right to correct me. Just another thing that i think i really need to change and although i do try, sometimes the words slip right out anyways.

~ my service to Master. Now, i am not saying that Master isn't pleased with what i have accomplished or how hard i try. From what He has told me, it is quite the opposite really. But, taking into account something from our last visit. i told Master that i was looking for ways to better serve Him. He brought up making coffee. Although i do make the coffee every morning, it would be more beneficial to Him if i were to start making His coffee before He wakes up. Which means when i wake up before Him (even if it is 6:15am), i should get up, feed His dogs and make His coffee. He and i discussed that He would probably wake up...but that He doesn't mind. He would rather wake up to coffee than have to wait for me to make it. This is just an example of how i might fine tune ways i serve Him already. In so doing i serve Him better which in turn makes me feel happy and content.

~ Overall communication. i can speak with Master, answer any questions He might have and joke around. However, when it comes to my fantasies, what i would like to try and emotions, i clam up. With fantasies, i am always nervous that maybe what i am thinking about it intense and heavy. With what i would like to try, i don't want to seem pushy. With my emotions, well...i am working on that one. It is my duty to Master as His slave to tell Him all of these things. i keep in mind that my only job is to be honest with Him and that it is within His power to act on any of it. Still isn't very easy, more since i am pretty shy. Even though i am working on my communication, it is still something i see that could use much improvement.

~ Consistency. Okay, Master brought this up last night actually. See, i thought that i would have this blog entry done by Sunday but sure enough, i wasn't finished. Not even by monday. Master told me that it would have been better of me to tell Him right off that i would not be able to get it done by His time limit instead of saying "no problem Sir, it will be posted tonight". In other words i should not tell Him what i think he wants to hear but what is in fact the probable outcome. He also told me that i have been doing this more and more frequently....it makes me feel bad that this has been happening.

Well, i think i may have covered all of the bases of things i feel as though i still need to work on. Actually, the list is a little shorter than i thought it would be be but the subjects i feel are important ones. A year in the making. Although i am sure that there are things Master sees that could use improvement, these are ones that popped into my head. No one likes admitting that they have faults or that they are lacking in something they feel they should be doing but to say that i am perfect...well...yeah. lol i strive for it, i look to become more and more each day but ultimately, i will never be perfect. i am just thankful that Master does not expect perfection from me, only that i constantly try my best. Wow, one year. my only wish is that there will be more years in store for me as Master's slave.

Gift

i have been given a gift by Master. i am off restriction for a week, although right now, 5 more days. Yay! lol It is a treat indeed that i have been a good girl and have been given permission to masturbate. Actually, i have to masturbate every day. i am such a lucky slave! Since i still follow my protocol by stripping every time i use the bathroom, i am to use no less than 2 of my bathroom breaks to masturbate for 2 to 3 minutes. i am to get myself as aroused as possible but i am never to cum during that time. Needless to say, by nightfall i am pretty aroused and antsy. Then, at the end of my night, instead of doing positions, i am allowed to masturbate. Master was kind enough to allow me to cum if i felt the need to. Something for which i am very grateful for! All of this sounded wonderful and then i ran across the last part of Master's instructions. During my masturbation, either during my bathroom breaks or at night, i am to repeat this mantra. i am Sir's wet cu*t, please use this wet cu*t. Which was a little difficult at first. Most of us are taught that saying the word cu*t, let alone using it to describe ones self or others, it extremely wrong. It is almost like an unspoken agreement between women, for the most part. So using that term for myself made me feel a little funny. Don't get me wrong, i have begged Master plenty of time to please use His slut's cu*t. But i have never referred to myself as one. Doing so made me feel like blushing yet, admittedly, i also became aroused. Repeating that mantra over and over had me falling into the mindset that of Sir's slut....and i had some rather arousing images come into my mind as well. Even though i have been doing this new ritual for two days, my mind still seems to seize up the first few seconds and i have to push back what i have been taught. But getting past it i am and hopefully by the end of my time off restriction i will be more comfortable with the phrase.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

It has been decided that i should start learning how to Dom other female subs/slaves. Eeekkk! lol It is very, very different. Many of the things Master did when we first met makes a bit more sense and looking at my training from His perspective is unique to say the least. i can now see what His view when He says that i have come very far and that He is proud of me. At first, i was pretty excited until i stopped and thought about the particulars of what responsible Dom/me does. It is different.....knowing what responsibilities are included in being a Domme and actually applying them are two very different things. That and i do not have a sadistic bone in my body....except for possibly nipples. i could do nipples....lol. i could see myself applying nipple clamps....but only because i love them so much myself. ::grin:: i see myself as more of a Domme that has another sub/slave do more of domestic services. Learning how to Dominant someone is almost like having a duel set of mindsets. The first and foremost is that of Master's slave, the second being the growing aspect of my own Dominant nature. i asked myself when this was first brought up how i was to find balance between the two. Finally i came to this conclusion. There is no balance and probably never will be. As much as i may enjoy the idea of learning how to Dominant another sub/slave in the verbal, emotional and mental aspects, i really see myself more of an "overseer". To make sure that another sub/slave is pleasing Master to the best of her ability. To be there to guide and mentor her, to be there if she has any questions of sorts. i see myself Dominating another women because either it pleases Master, or it is something that He has given me permission to do. In some ways this is confusing....lol. However, i am sure that within time everything will sort itself out. i am still rather excited about this type of exploration and it opens new doors for Master and i. i have sooo much to learn but i am willing and eager to do so. Chances are, i will write about this again as i continue to learn...just as Master did with my submission, i am sure that i will learn about this in baby steps. Which is a way i have found to be best.....thanks to Master i have learned how to be more patient. (Still learning but getting much better) All of this is how i feel right now but as with every thing, i am sure my opinions and thoughts will change as i experience and learn about this aspect of myself. So continue to look for updates as this part of my journey with Master unfolds.

Photoshoot

After taking M and k's coats, we all gravitated to Master's kitchen. There we sat and spoke while making a pizza and drinking some wine. i was still within that wonderful deep submissive mindset and was quite content to sit back and listen to everyone else speak around me. After a while i started to come out of that mindset, became more talkative and was sipping the wine Master was allowing me to have. Some wonderful conversations....lots of stuff to laugh about. BDSM, the lifestyle, k doing some projects and modeling and of course the everyday vanilla life we all live. With M and k, there is always interesting conversation to be had. There are things to catch up on and talking about possible plans for the future. At one point in time, the topic of some pictures i brought with me on this trip got brought up. They are pics of when i was younger and a lot less inhibited, to say the very least. Master had me go get them and at first i was blushing at the idea but soon it did not bother me. i know that M and k have probably seen more graphic things during their time involved with BDSM. They did like the pics though. lol Which brought up the next thing that happened. After we had all eaten dinner and such, Master explained that He wanted some BDSM themed pics of He and i taken. i was actually very excited....it was the first time that Master and i have ever been in a photo together. As silly and as small as a picture is, i was really looking forward to it. M said the He didn't mind being the photographer and k had fun dressing me up. lol The first thing i was wearing was the wrist and ankle cuffs with heels. Completely naked but as always, i felt dressed with the cuffs on. i was so....anxious/excited that Master decided to let me wear them. Going into position to put them on started to put me back into that mindset. Not the cuffs so much as it was doing the positions. But absolutely lovely anyways. As i was getting the cuffs on, M took some candid shots of k...soo cute! lol Then Master and M got down to business. Changing the lighting, k helping with poses, straightening my hair, making suggestions. It was so much fun to do! Doing the poses with Master made me feel very submissive and again put me into a wonderful head space. There is one where i am on my knees and my hands are behind my head. Also know as pos.4. Well one of Master's hand is in my hair, gripping it tightly and the other was gripping my wrist. Not painfully so but very firm. i must admit i was getting aroused being there at His feet with His hands holding me there. ::shiver:: Oh yes, lots and lots of fun. lol To fast forward a bit, after the BDSM pics were done, k and i went back into Master's room where she got to "dress me up". lol So i was put in black stockings, heels and a garter with rhinestones. Nothing else. Such a sexy outfit...i had little images of being used in that actually. i walked out into the living room where the only expression i was looking for was Master's. The look of approval on His face made my night. He was very pleased with how i looked and i was so happy about that. So back to posing i went and at one point in time, M was talking about something and i said something in the form of a joke. Well....Master and M decided that i was being a little bratty so M got to spank me. i did apologize but Master has a pic that He says is priceless. The look on my face is anything but contrite. ::Blush:: i suppose even i have my days, although i try for it not to happen often. Overall M was cool with everything and all of us even got a laugh out of it. On the way back to Master's bedroom to do another change, k snapped the garter belt. It stung and i had the evil little thought of revenge. So i called from the bedroom to Master and M if i may please have permission to get k back. lol Well, Master said He did not mind and M said "What's the magic word?". k was mouthing it to me and i just didn't get it. lol Then M (a mind reader like Master, i swear) said "It is the word k is mouthing to you right now!" The word was "now" and once i said it, M gave me permission and smack!! i got k on the ass with my hand. (i had fun with that actually- lol) After the fun and frolic i got changed. The next set of pics i was wearing red. Now that is something i do not really often wear but k and i thought it could be nice and even Master said to go ahead and wear it. i even put on red lipstick- which Master didn't like really, so needless to say, i took it off. (i did get a pic from it though) Again, back to changing. i did a lot of that really. The next was a purple number which Master liked very much. His favorite color is purple so i wasn't too surprised really. But He has possession of a number of photos from the purple. Lots of "jessica rabbit" poses is what He calls them. you know, i forgot to put in here that eventually, k ended up with her top and bra off! That was very nice, as always. ::grin:: i have always said that i enjoy k being naked very much and that opinion has not changed in the least. After everything had been put away, we all stood around talking for a little bit longer before M and k said that they had to go. There was a New Year's Eve party they were planning on attending and they didn't want to be late. So shortly we all said good bye and wished each other a happy new years. The entire photo shoot was extremely fun but i must admit, just hanging out with M and k was wonderful by itself. Out off all the pics and there was quite a few, Master chose His favorites to keep and i was even allowed to pick a couple i really liked.So Master even sent me a couple of the pics of He and i....i have my favorite of course. In it, the only words i can think of when it comes to His expression is tender and gentle, with a slight smile on His face. (so i have a mushy side after all lol) And yet, if you were to look closer, the Dominance Master has is apparent. From His expression to His body language, it is there. He is looking down at me, hand in my hair, fisted tightly. i remember holding onto His jacket and looking into His eyes. The fact that M and k were there blurred and, in my mind, He and i were just as we are. Master and slave. But again, it is a very nice pic and i was very happy that Master sent it to me. A very great time had by all and hopefully we will run into each other again soon.

Forging a submissive mindset:: Obedience re-affirmed

Master led me back into the main part of the house. i saw where i was going but things were feeling a little surreal. i felt there but i didn't feel there....how is that for confusing? lol i walked on shaky legs, my mind trying to work, trying to function at full capacity but to no avail. i still wondered what it was Master was going to do or have me do, the memories seem now of that particular moment seem a bit hazy. i remember being led in His room and standing there for a moment. i remember Master using my mouth but i cannot seem to remember what position i was in or how it came about. i do remember that it felt like the most natural thing in the world to suck Master's c*ck and that i felt happy that i was allowed to serve Him in such an erotic manner. That is all i could think of....how i may serve Him and although that is usually on my mind, in this instance it was so amplified. my focus on Master was intense....every movement He made, what He wanted.....i was sinking deeper and deeper into to that place of unthinking obedience. After Master had used me until He came, He stood and went about doing various things. It wasn't more than a few minutes when i asked Master if i may have permission to take a shower....M and k were to show up soon and i knew that Master would want me looking my best. He gave me permission and i busied myself getting clothing and such ready. i felt a little spacey but giggly and yet also calm in a way. As timing would have it, i had just finished up getting my things together when Master came into the bathroom. He looked at me and while His head nodded in the direction of the shower, Master told me to get in and kneel. i drew in a slightly shaking breath and followed His instructions. After i got into the shower, it occurred to me how shaky i still was and took a deep breath in to relax and calm myself. i stayed there kneeling, mouth slightly open and cautiously raising my eyes to meet His, when Master started to pee on me. At first He started at my chest but quickly moved to my mouth. As i felt my mouth start to fill, i had a small wave of panic come over me. Every time Master does this, natural instinct tells me to either close my mouth or to push it out of my mouth and i fight it every time. i have to focus on Master and the fact that i know that He would be pleased if i swallowed, i focus on my submission and draw strength to do the opposite of what my body wants me to do. Even though i enjoy golden showers and even find the erotic aspect in it, it can still be hard to swallow those first few moments. When my mouth filled the first time, i gently pushed some of it out and swallow the rest. Then again i opened my mouth and this became a repetitive action, each time becoming easier and easier as i ceased to think about swallowing. It became...not instinct but..... something else. Like i had moved past the boundaries of thought and cause to a place where it was something i accepted without reservation. So i stayed there, in that mind set, falling deeper into that space of submission and acceptance. When Master was done, He was still holding His c*ck and i knew He wanted me to kiss it....a form of c*ck worship. While still in pos.4 i raised up and kissed His c*ck, lightly licking to remove the couple of droplets left behind. For some reason, my entire being locked onto to pleasuring Master and the next thing i knew, Master was allowing me to suck His c*ck yet again. (lucky slave!!!) Master allowed me to service Him for a few minutes and then withdrew from my mouth and proceeded to zip up His pants and such. Most of the time when He has me stop servicing Him, i pout a little bit on the inside...lol. Just being honest. This time though, i leaned back on my heels, calm and focused and just waited for what Master wanted me to do next and i looked up at Him and smiled. He looked at me, said "good girl", then smiled. Oh, how sometimes i feel as though i live for those words and looks that only Master can give when i have pleased Him. (anyone else calling me a good girl would probably get laughed at....come to think of it, Master is the only one i can think that has ever used that term for me) He suggested that i now take my shower and was kind enough to allow me out of the shower while He started it and got it toasty warm. Hmm.....delicious warm water feels very good. lol As i stood in the shower, that supreme feeling of submission, surrealism and acceptance came largely into play and i found myself drifting off into my own little world. Part of me would have loved to just lay there, with the shower on my back but i knew that i had to get ready for Master's guests. It sucks trying to make yourself function when all you want to do is curl up in a little ball and cuddle. lol But i manged enough to wash my hair, put up the floor mat for the shower and get ready for the night. As soon as i was finished though, i stopped trying to make myself function (mentally) and just relaxed into what i was feeling. At that point and time, i was at the point of unquestioning obedience. i know, deep inside, that anything Master could have asked on me would have been done without hesitation or question. i didn't feel as though i could really make any decisions....i knew what needed to be done around His home but other than that, i felt as though making decisions was beyond my ability at that point. Somewhere in the recess of my mind, i know that me being able to reach that mindset is related to how much i trust Master. When M and k showed up a few minutes later, i knew that they would understand what was going on and didn't try to make myself outgoing or talkative. i just stayed in my own little head space of submission and took their coats after quietly saying hello. M looked at me and made a friendly joke about my demeanor.....normally i would have laughed with Master and them but all i did was smile sweetly. M asked Master what was going on and He told them what happened. Not in any great detail but the jist of it all. As i thought they would, M and k understood immediately, so i was under no pressure to hurry out of the head space i was in. my body was still tired but i soon regained some energy after walking into the kitchen with everyone. So my day went as follows....had a good morning, followed by frustration, then disobedience and disrespect, sadness, worry/confusion, forced orgasm, pain to arousal and ultimately a very, very deep submissive mindset. Master took my screw-up with disobedience and disrespect and, instead of punishing me, led me into a space of the extreme exact opposite. Long, interesting day and the night was not quiet over with.

Forging a submissive mindset::Pain & Pleasure

i giggled.....i couldn't help it....it was the only thing my frantic brain would allow me to do. i calmly (as possible) looked at Sir and said how cool i thought the perch looked. In side, i was a trembling mass of nerves. As i moved to stand over the harley, Master leaned over to adjust it so it was right against my cu*t. Just having it sit there, knowing what it would do to me, my emotions running at high speed and uncertain of what would happen made me feel off kilter, even more so than before. i wasn't sure if this was going to be a punishment or if this was Master using me but i soon found out. After i was positioned the way Master decided and the harley was firmly against my cu*t, Sir grabbed some rope and proceed to my legs so that i could not move away from the perch. i was on my tiptoes the entire time and was soon finding out how hard it could be to stay that way. At the time, my mind was going "this isn't so bad.....just stay relaxed every where else but your legs and omg.....i really can't move!" While Master finished tying my legs, i took a couple of deep breaths trying to stay my nerves and thoughts. When He was finished, Master looked at me, grinned with that "just-you-wait" grin and said something to the effect that He remembered that i asked to try the harley on high. All i could do was swallow, my eyes closing and the giggle from nerves that was in my throat erupted. i simply replied "yes Sir" as i was sure no other words were needed. Master turned the harley on high and my body, even though i was tied, tried to jump away. Constant arousal and no cumming (my body was just being "off" this visit for some reason) made my cu*t so sensitive, that for a second, i thought i was going to cum immediately. But i didn't, so instead it continued to cause a whole load of sensations. my mind had become blank.....all i could think was "oh.....my....God....." i moaned, squirmed and tensed up. i became very thankful that Master did not tie my hands about me head, for my hands ended up grabbing the perch. All in an attempt to breath and hold on to something. lol For the most part, i was staying on my toes pretty well, feeling the sensations from the vibe when Master effectively threw me off balance yet again. i was standing, focusing on staying on my toes when i felt the stingy flogger on my back. my concentration broke, my weight fell on the vibe. The sensations from the vibe increased so much so fast and the sting of the flogger was just.....wow. lol It is hard to explain....the flogger hurt...i cried out and then swiftly moaned immediately afterward...that amazing pleasure/pain aspect came into play and within a few strokes i was asking Master if His slut may please have permission to cum for Him. He gave me permission and after i had yelled out with the orgasm i was allowed to have, my body naturally dropped to the floor. Big mistake....i was sensitive and the pressure of my cu*t on the vibe was too much. i gasped and i instantly raised myself back onto my toes to avoid the sting from a slight too much sensations. i wavered a little bit, holding onto the perch for balance. (Actually i pretty much held onto the perch the entire time-lol) Even though i was on my toes (as much as i could be) the harley was still hitting my cu*t. However, after about minute, the vibrations turned back into pleasure and i was able to breath just a little bit easier. At the time i was thinking that Master was done with me and that i would be allowed to get down but that was not His intention. He had me still stand there, moaning, slightly shaky, aroused and wet. i can't remember exactly how much time passes....time no longer had any meaning for me. i was just feeling....not thinking to much, just reacting to what was happening. At some point in time, Master went and got the crop and started with the back of my thighs. Ahhhh.....that stung like...ooh..at first. my legs would tense up and although at first i was trying to concentrate on my legs, it became the last thing i wanted to think about. Staying on my toes was beginning to hurt...i was feeling a slight burn in my calves and all i wanted to do was put my legs down. i think Master switched back to the flogger for a time and then back to the crop. Whenever Sir does this, i can't seem to keep up (mentally) with what He is doing, which i have learned is one way to make me break down emotionally. Which accounts for what happened. i was completely lost in the feeling of the crop and the harley, the pleasure either inter-mixing or greater than whatever pain my legs and over-sensitive cu*t where feeling, when the urge to cum made itself known. Part of me wasn't sure about cumming but i didn't fight it and i asked Master if i again may have permission to cum for Him. He did not give me permission right away and i grabbed the perch so hard my knuckles turned white...i was panting, trying to breath to not cum unless i had permission. Even in my aroused and foggy brain, i knew i had to try my best to not cum unless Master said i could. He stayed silent for a moment and then said "Do you really need to cum?" i replied in a breathless voice, "yes Sir...please may Your slut cum for You please Sir?" He said "yes chai, you may" and when i started to cum, my weight yet again fell onto the vibe. Goodness....i think i shrieked after i came and came back on my toes faster than i could think. i did not, by any means, want that thing to touch my cu*t at that moment but the way Master had it set up it was anyways. At least it wasn't as intense since i was farther away from it but even then it thrust me to another orgasm building. By that time, all the moving i had done, the ropes had loosed just enough for my cu*t to be able to slide back and forth across the vibe and my hips moved of their own accord. When i realized what i was doing, i stopped but Master said "Go ahead, you may move your hips" and then, it felt like i had no control over my own body. i was panting, moaning, moving....a little sweaty (just a little) and although i was tired, there was no way i could refuse or even object to anything Master wanted of me. By this time, my legs were so tired that it was officially painful to stay on my toes and part of me wanted to just rest. i had my head down, arms on the perch, when the next thing i knew, Sir was standing beside me. He grabbed my hair, pulled me so i was facing Him and asked in a hard and commanding tone "Do you want to cum for Me?" i looked at Him, all pretenses and defenses gone and whimpered. i replied "i don't know Sir......" "Do you feel another orgasm building?" i whimpered again..."yes Sir" He let go and i put myself again closer to the perch. It was then (i think) that the vibe had somewhat moved so Master moved it back and bam! There it was, fully hitting my cu*t and i yelped, moaned and shuddered. i was constantly making noise, unable to hold anything back, when Master stood behind me, grabbed my hips and pressed His crotch against my very hot, very wet, bare ass. i could feel the hardness from His cock and my eyes rolled back into my head. Too erotic and had i been able to formulate words in a coherent manner, i would have begged for Him to fuck me. my body moved against His jeans, seeking further contact, His hands on my hips, helping my hips move up and down was so very erotic.... Sir's hands tightened. In a low, hard, intense tone of voice He said to me "Do you feel that? That is what your submission does for me." All i can say, i was soooo gone. i was no longer there mentally...i felt.....without a single doubt in the entire world, completely, utterly, owned. As in all i could feel was that i was His, my entire being leaning on His instructions. my legs were burning...it hurt to simply move, my stomach was feeling sore from standing up for so long and cumming, my whole body felt fatigued but this is what Master wanted and i couldn't resist anything. my brain was foggy from pain and pleasure, earlier instances had left me feeling open before Master even told me to get into the dungeon and i was just......bare. i kept moving against Him, against the vibe when i had to ask for permission to cum. Master gave permission and i screamed. ::grin:: i'll admit it, i did. It was intense and harsh, my whole body releasing any energy i had left in that one action. As soon as my orgasm was over, Sir somehow appeared by my side and the words flew out of my mouth before i could think of them. "please....no more Sir" my breath was shaky, my whole body tense. i could feel every bit of pain and i dreaded having another orgasm. i was tired.....and although i knew that my simple plea may not convince Him to let me stop, i was very grateful when Master said in a soft tone, "yes, you can stop now" i raised myself on very shaky and weak legs while Sir turned off the vibe and lowered it, so that i could lower my body to the floor. Even though i wanted to drop, i stayed in position until Master said i could lower myself. He untied my legs and gave me a hand, so that i may step off the perch. i was quiet....sinking into myself.....feeling that mindset of total obedience. As He led me out of the dungeon i was unsure of what would happen next, but i soon found out what else Master desired to do.