Sour Grapes

After Sir and i had woken up (again..lol) the rain had let up and Sir decided that He wanted to go to a friends house to visit. Now Sir and i have been or have met up with His friends before, but this particular person and everyone there, were completely vanilla and they did not know of Sir's lifestyle. Not that He was my Master, or i His slave, to them i was just a friend of His visiting for a couple of days. This did not bother me at all....what did set me a little of balance and made me a bit nervous was the fact that i was going to have to suppress every single natural and trained response i have. Also, if i absolutely had to, i was to address Him as W. In this situation this was easier to do than the time Sir had me call Him by His name over the phone....this time it was because of the situation i was in....sort of like when i have had to call the airline for Him. my brain just made the adjustment. When we approached His friend's house and saw other people outside that we did not know, i thought that it would be interesting to see how i did. As we were introduced to everyone there i became a little more relaxed and just spoke to people. i was still very quiet though, a natural response to being around strangers. As the conversations around me flew, i was grateful that not many people seemed interested in speaking to me. The people around us were talking about travel and such and i heard some rather interesting stories. Overall it was a wonderful time. However, since i could not serve Sir in the manner in which i was used to, i instead looked at His glass of wine to see if it needed to be filled and when He got something to eat, i got His plate for Him. One time i called Him Sir, although He did not hear me, which means no one else did either, something for which i was grateful. During the conversations, there were a couple of dogs around and one seemed to take a liking to Sir. i found myself envying the dog in between His legs, wishing i could be there instead. Not because i wish i was dog but rather because i am used to being a able to lean against Sir or be near Him when i am nervous. After the conversation had dwindled and most people left, Sir's friend took us on a little tour of the vineyard and i got to speak with his wife. she asked SO many questions, questions in which i had to answer carefully but in the end it turned out okay. The whole vanilla event was trying in some ways...not being able to address my Master as Sir, or be able to serve Him as i love to, was a little hard. That and going from a very intense scene and M/s cuddle time to a complete vanilla setting was a huge contrast in a short span of time. But even in the midst of having to act completely vanilla, i still served Sir in may ways. By following His instructions alone was a way that i served Him and i am happy that i was able to do so. Yet another different, interesting aspect of the weekend.

Intensity: Breached

As i felt the coolness of the cane oh so very gently touch the back of my thighs, it took me a moment to fully realize what it was. After the omg shock had worn off, i was hit with a nice dose of eroticism. Actually, i was hit with a myriad of emotions. The smoothness of the cane, how cool it felt against my heated thighs and how slowly my Master moved it back and forth across them made me very aroused. Then there was a part of me that knew how much the cane could hurt....how much it probably would hurt. Ohhh...it was hard....part of me wanted the caning so bad i could almost taste it while the other part of me was so apprehensive. That part of me would have been okay with Sir not giving me the caning.....part of me was a little panicked. i was being pushed and i knew (by this time) that i was going to be pushed even farther. As fast as that emotion hit, it was gone. Very similar to the first time Sir tied me up. my submission to Sir calmed me.....don't get me wrong i was still plenty nervous. lol It is just that i also knew that He was there, watching over me and that He was going to be there afterward. All of these emotions went through in the span of a minute or less. When i felt the cane leave my body, i tensed up. It wasn't that i was trying to...it just happened. Well i relaxed immediately and then i felt the cane hit my thighs. A hard and quick whack that might have made my knees buckle if i was standing. Sir probably didn't hit me as hard as it felt but by this time, i was sooo sensitive and getting sore. With each cane stroke, my body would lean onto the bed, seeking solace from the cane strokes and then back up again as i have been trained to do. But oh goodness it got so hard to do. i was at the point where each cane stroke would blend into the next and it seemed never ending. my whole ass was on fire and i was starting to dread each cane stroke. The thoughts that were running through my head were various ones. Going from, "oh please no more" to "the only reason why i am doing this is because this is something my Master wants" to "i am Your slave Sir". As the caning continued, i felt myself getting closer and closer to that emotional edge. Sir told me "it is okay for you to cry" but for some reason, the first time He said it, it kind of flew over my head. However, with my forehead against His comforter, body slightly shaking, He struck again with quite a bit of force. i let out a choked cry and tried to push away the tears. i wanted to cry because it hurt, i wanted to cry because even though it hurt, i wanted to hurt for Him, i wanted to please Him even though what was happening was difficult. Sir stopped for just a second and said to me in such a gentle yet firm voice, "let go baby, it's okay for you to cry" The tears started to gather in my eyes, He gave a couple more strokes and by the time He had put the cane up the tears had started to fall. Sir sat on the bed and drew me to Him, putting my head in His lap and gently stroking my hair. He spoke from time to time, saying that it was okay to let it out and that He was there. The tears i cried weren't big heaving sobs and they didn't last more than a couple of minutes but they were there. (In the past, normally only a tear (maybe two) would come out and then i would compose myself. Tearing down walls isn't easy to do.)The comfort He gave me, while my emotions were a little haywire and my body still in pain was amazing. i felt open and exposed to Sir and i loved it. Even though getting there was hard, crying for Sir felt right and okay to do. Once i stopped fighting the tears it wasn't that hard and it happened naturally. (amazing what the mind can do) After i had composed myself, Sir had me re-dress....hot body and a slightly chilled house makes for a bad mix sometimes. Well we went into His living room and chatted for a few minutes and then Sir grabbed a blanket, laid down on the couch and pulled me down to Him. It was still raining outside as we laid side by side on His couch.....i fell asleep in His arms....feeling calm, cherished and so happy knowing that i had pleased Him. Such an interesting, wonderful morning.

Intensity: Pushed

i jumped when the crop hit my ass....it only stung a little, but it definitely surprised me. Even though i had laid on His bed limp and warm, i was still fully out of the sub space the spanking had put me in. After that initial stroke, i relaxed back into the comforter and Sir resumed hitting me with the crop. Just as He did with the spanking, Sir went harder, faster. my ass was sensitive from the spanking and i know i was squirming and cringing. Each slap stung more than the last...i was not used to Sir pushing me this hard. In the past, most of the scenes haven't been very long but this was proving to be longer than i was used to. As i tried to relax and breath through each one, finding subspace was harder to do than usual. Sir had to tell me to breath and relax a couple of times....He could tell i was struggling a bit. At the sound of His voice, something in me would relax.....my brain would latch onto His voice and i would follow His instructions to breath. But there were a couple slaps with the crop that made me grit my teeth....my ass was starting to really sting in a couple of places and when He hit those spots just right i thought i was going to jump off the bed. lol i was split in two...part of me loved it and the other part was wondering when it would end. Within a few minutes though i was back into sub-space...floating on all the sensations of the crop slapping roughly against my now very sensitive flesh. After i had fallen again into sub-space Sir pulled out the vibe and brushed it against my clit, teasing me and making my arousal jump up. The vibe pulled me out of sub-space and i started...well not yelling but perhaps squealing loudly. lol With the re-introduction of high arousal, my head was spinning. Spanking, sub-space, arousal, crop, sub-space, arousal.....things were going slowly yet too fast for me to adjust quickly. i was kneeling on my knees, like in pos.6...which seemed to intensify the situation and all the sensations with the vibe. Again, i got lost in what Sir was having me feel.......when Sir turned off the vibe and told me not to move, my eyes were almost rolling back into my head. i heard Sir once again walk around the bed and i honestly thought that He was done....that He had used me as much as He wanted to and was just going to let me stay there and relax. However, i felt the cool hardness of the cane on the back on my thighs and my eyes snapped open. Very slowly and gently Sir ran the cane against my heated thighs and all i could think was "oh......my.......god" as a shiver ran through my body.

Intensity: The beginning

It was raining. We woke up and it was raining. Even the weather decided this visit should be different than all the rest. lol i got up and made coffee for Sir and i. When i returned to His room, Sir had me get His pajamas and then instructed me to wear some of His since it was cold inside the house. i love wearing His pjs...almost as much as i love being naked around Him. His pjs smell like Him and they swim on me....we are both in good shape but i am much shorter than He. Well we made our way into the living area where Sir hopped onto the computer and i brought Him His coffee. He scooted back and told me to sit down on the chair between His legs. After i sat down He wrapped a big blanket over our legs and i got to snuggle with Sir. i love that...the feel of His strong body, the warmth He emits, the fact that if He leaned forward enough i could feel His breath against my neck and sometimes His hands would snake around my waist. All of that makes my soft, mushy, very feminine side come out. Well we messed around online for a bit and then Sir decided to get up, we made some breakfast and chatted for a few minutes. i can't honestly say how we ended up in His room.... probably because i remember everything else with such clarity. What i do remember is that Sir had me get undressed and He had me crawl over His lap for a spanking. A tremor of excitement ran through me when He had me crawl up to Him....Sir has this wonderful method of changing where He smacks, varying the strength and speed of His hand on my ass that drives me crazy, but in a wonderful way. He started out a little harder than usual and i found myself having to breath through each one at first. The He started to go even harder....and faster than He usually does. Normally He starts out going pretty soft until my ass is nice and warm before He goes any harder but this time was different. i wasn't completely warmed up just yet and i had to adjust as fast as i could to the unexpected tempo. i remember falling into sub-space and just relaxing with each stroke as though it was a massage. i remember Him spreading my legs (well as far as they could go since Sir was sitting close to the edge of His bed) and i didn't really think anything of it....well i wasn't thinking much at all by that time. lol Sir started rubbing my clit, slowly and gently and i just responded to it. Still half-way in sub-space, i was moving my hips and making little sounds in the back of my throat in response to Sir's hand on and in my cu*t. i raised my hips to help Him have better access and i reveled in what He was doing and oh goodness it felt so good. As i melted against His hand and just let myself grind and moan i became blissfully unaware of anything else. Then Sir stopped and raised me off His lap and left me laying face down on His bed. While i laid there limp and warm i heard Him go to His closet....what He did next surprised me very much. The next thing i felt........ was the slap of the crop hard against my ass.

Jeans

"What would You like for me to wear on the plane Sir?" i asked, waiting to hear the usual short skirt or dress reply. "Wear your jeans and a nice top" Sir said. "Whaaaaat? Huh? Jeans....no skirt? Why? i don't understand....jeans? Okay...jeans it is....think of a nice top that will go well with jeans...." That is what i was thinking after Sir told me to wear jeans instead of a skirt or dress onto the plane. Now, although i am sure you don't know, every time i have gone to see Sir i have been instructed to wear a skirt or dress. It is the norm and in a way, a routine. So Sir telling me to wear jeans had me very confused. lol i know that it is only a piece of clothing, nothing major really, but it had effectively swung me off balance and added to my nervousness and anticipation. Amazing what the small stuff can do. i think that because it is out the routine i am used to is why i found myself turning the idea around in my head. i asked Sir why He wanted me to wear jeans and His only reply was "Because I want you to." Very calmly spoken, with a hint of a smile in His voice. i am pretty sure He heard and felt my confusion. Fast forwarding a bit.... By the time i stepped off the plane however, i wasn't worried about it and had just accepted it for what it was. Sir wanted me to wear pants, simple as that. After Sir had picked me up, i got big hugs and a kiss and off we went out the airport. When we got to His truck, Sir opened the door and before i could get in, He told me to take off my pants. my only reaction was "huh??' lol. To cover my shock, i asked Sir if i may please take off my shoes first and He gave me permission. Now taking of a skirt or dress can be done very quickly....but taking off pants....that takes a little bit longer. Probably only about 5 more seconds but 5 seconds can feel like a long time when you are bent over in public with your ass and cu*t showing to the whole world....or in my case, the whole parking lot. lol i calmly took off my pants (well as calmly as i could anyways) Sir was grinning and i got into the truck. He did have me cover my legs with my jacket before we left though and i thought that was rather nice of Him. As we got onto the highway Sir had me remove the jacket and spread my legs a little wider than they already were...which made me giggle on the outside and made my anticipation level rise on the inside. Sir started to play with me, switching between rubbing my clit and fingering my cu*t. Omg....at first i was very nervous about Him doing that....although i am an exhibitionist, i still get nervous about stuff like that. But in a couple of minutes, i just kind of let go and felt all the sensations Sir was giving me.....an example of me using my submission to completely relax even when i felt a little nervous.....in fact, i think the chance of being caught actually raised my arousal a bit. Within a few minutes, i was moving around, moaning, grinding......here is where my submission to Sir also allows me the freedom to be His slut and not feel any shame in doing so. (i actually did that quite a bit this visit) i am allowed to thoroughly enjoy whatever He does to me, my arousal is a result of His attentions. The only thing that i was really focusing on was Sir and the feel of His hand, the sound of His voice and just His presence really. By the time He was done using me to the extent that He wanted to i was about half out of mind with arousal and desire. When we got to where we were going, Sir had me put my pants back on and we soon headed back to His home. Overall a very interesting and fun way to kick off the weekend. The whole visit was different in many ways and Sir greatly (at least i think so) expanded upon many of the things we have done in the past. He pushed my submission, my limits and my tolerance for erotic pain. Some of it was hard to do, yet there were many "rewards" as well and i even learned something new about myself during this visit. Lots of fun and i will write more soon.

Poll

A couple of weeks ago Sir gave me an addition to my nightly ritual to masturbate after my meditation. This was done so that i may learn my body and my orgasm triggers. Although i am not going to go into detail, i will say that i have learned quite a bit about myself although i know that i am still learning. Because of this, i am putting up 3 polls to hopefully gain some insight to how other female submissives are with climax. Now since i am sure there are many subs who need to ask permission to cum, these poll questions are written with the assumption that the sub has been given permission to cum by their Dom/me. Since i won't be writing for a few days, i figured that i would leave something fun for everyone to do, until i get back. i hope everyone has fun with the polls and i will write again soon.

Back to Sir

i am going to go and see Sir again very soon and i can hardly wait!! This visit is looking to be very interesting indeed. lol Sir has not been too specific and i think that is adding to my anticipation and well....nervousness. Nervousness in a good way i think. What i do know what will happen this visit is this. Sir has told me that He is having strong thoughts on this visit being an intense M/s weekend....more adherence to protocol and such. Sir has also informed me that He will be doing more complicated and challenging bondage, more predicament bondage, continuing with the golden showers training, going through my positions, exploring with more stingy erotic pain (from the flogger He hasn't used on me yet and the cane) and more photography. Wow....what a list. lol Gives a slave a lot to think about. lol When it comes to more challenging bondage scenarios, i am really excited about doing that albeit a little nervous. As i have said before, i love bondage and it is arousing for me but at the same time i have no clue what Sir will do when He gets me that way. Nor in this situation do i know what type of ties He will be doing or for how long. With the golden showers training, Sir has plans to directly piss in my mouth and let it run out so i don't have to swallow....yet. lol Even though this is something that does make me a bit nervous it is also something i know i am ready for. With the flogger....well it is one that Sir hasn't used on me yet. From what He tells me it has a much more stingy effect than His other two as well as He using the cane. i think the only way to describe what i am feeling is nervous anticipation....quite a bit actually. The past few visits, i kinda already knew about how many cane strokes i was going to receive but with this visit i don't. With the photography..again with i have no idea what Sir has planned, although i can say that all of the pictures He has taken have been tasteful, pretty and erotic. So no worries there really. As for my positions....well let me just say that i cannot wait to do them for Sir. i have said many times that i love the feeling of submission doing them for Sir gives me and i love knowing that the way i am positioned pleases Him very much. So much subbie goodness with that happening. There have been quite a few times that Sir has either told me what was going to happen or sent me a list of some sort and every time i have gotten one my heart rate would speed up a bit imagining how it was going to be. i had time to wrap my head around some of the things that He had listed (like with golden showers and the chamber pot) This time i have a list but it is vague, leaving me feeling nervous, excited, very curious and wondering what will happen. Overall i am excited yet a little nervous about this trip....a definite feeling of anticipation. lol Sir also has plans for us to go out and watch a movie and possibly a couple of other things. i am truly looking forward to that as well....just spending time in the company of my Master doing vanilla things is something that i have come to cherish and look forward to in between of all the BDSM activities Sir likes to do. One aspect of this visit that i am looking forward to is the fact that Sir has decided that it will be just Him and i this weekend. As much as we love hanging around our friends, i agree with Sir when He says some private time is in order. To be honest, it has been a while since Sir and i had a quiet weekend with just the two of us. Of all the things i am looking forward to this weekend i think one of the things i am really looking forward to is the simple act of hopping off the plane and into His arms yet again. The simple things in life are usually the best and His hugs are definitely high on the list.

Long Distance Dynamic

i know it has been a few days since i have written, but i have been waiting for inspiration to hit. There were a few things that i had an idea to write about, but thinking it and writing it are two different things. It was a conversation with a sub that gave me an idea. As i am sure a lot of you have been wondering, how do Sir and i make a long distance dynamic work? i get that question from subs all the time. lol Most people would simply say, hard work, communication and honesty. That is all very true and important. A few people may mention words such as dedication and patience. That is very true also. i think (for me anyways) what it boils down to is the connection we have in our dynamic and desire. The strength of my submission when we are apart is really measured by me doing my daily tasks and rituals, every single day. The connection we have i do not think can be measured, only felt. Others have caught a glimpse of our interaction with each other but not many. If we did not have that connection, i do not think our dynamic would work, let alone last. Now to desire....yes physical desire is a part of our dynamic, but the desire that i am speaking of is the desire to serve and please my Master. i have said plenty of times that i have no desire to interact with other Doms unless instructed to by Sir and i still mean that fully. If i didn't have that drive, that desire, i don't think our dynamic wouldn't really be what it is. Although it is very hard at times to live so far away from Him, it is very interesting and always intense in a certain way when i do get to see Him. When we are apart, my submission is a part of my world (here) with about one hundred other things. It is the balance in my vanilla life that is maintained. However, when i step onto the plane, 99% of my world here fades away and instead of my world revolving around everything at once, my world revolves around Sir and our dynamic. i love to serve Sir very much and sometimes it takes me a day or two to get back into "the groove" of my home, work and personal life. At first this was a little hard, switching my mindset back and forth but it has gotten much easier to do. If anything, when i am sad to leave, i look back and reflect on my visit with Sir and look forward to the next. Being long distance is not easy, there are times i wish i could just ask Him for permission to simply drive over and i know it isn't always easy on Sir either. But with a lot of communication on both our parts, it isn't as hard as i know it could be. i think i am very lucky, even though i may not live close to Sir, He always tries to get me down there to see Him as often as possible...which is actually quite often considering how far away we are from each other and the fact that we both work and such. But even though it isn't always easy, the joy i get from knowing i am His, that feeling of "right" i get from being allowed to serve and please Him and the never ending desire to have my submission used, stretched and strengthened by Sir makes it worth it, every single day. So i guess really what i am saying is the way Sir and i make a long distance dynamic work is....well....because we make it work. Even if it is hard at times, it is again, (for me) so very worth, every single minute.

Strokes

This is an entry of a different type. This is an entry about the 110 cane strokes i earned and how it also wound up pushing my Master's boundaries as well. This all started with the length of time between our visits and my horrendous habit of putting my nails into my mouth. Well Sir saw to correct this by having me write Him everyday and telling Him how many times i did. Each time i put my nails into my mouth counted as one cane stroke. By the time i finally stopped putting my nails into my mouth, i had earned 110 cane strokes. Sir decided to split up the number in between the number of days of my visit....one time Sir joked about giving them to me all at once and i about went in to shock...lol. Lots of nervous giggles with that suggestion. Day one went rather well with me receiving 20-25 cane strokes and by day three i had received about 70 cane strokes. Well i am sure you can imagine the amount of bruises i had, all of them ranging from the top of my ass to the back of my thighs. On Friday though, Sir informed me while we were out at dinner that i would not be receiving any cane strokes that night. i was a bit confused at first but Sir explained to me that He had pushed one of His own limits the night before while caning me. To sum it up, with all the bruises i had and the increased sensitivity, He was pushing me beyond the realm of erotic pain which hit on His own limit of Sadism. In some ways i felt mixed about that. i was very honored to serve Him in that manner while at the same time, i was briefly worried about Him being uncomfortable doing so. But i also knew that Sir would draw the line where He saw fit and that He wasn't going to do what He didn't want to. That made me feel better so i was just left with the happy feeling of being there the way Sir wanted me to be, which is something that i greatly desired to do. To be there for His use if and when Sir decided to push His own limits or explore them to a greater depth. i was right with these thoughts because only one day was missed and the very next day Sir gave me an additional 20 strokes. Sir had once asked me to define being a slave. i told Him the best thing i could give Him by being His slave would be the opportunity to allow Him to explore his own boundaries. i am made very happy and honored that i was able to do so.

Also on the subject of canings, Sir and i also tried a different position...instead of me bracing myself against the wall, i was laying on Sir's bed. i must admit that it did feel different....it hurt more or at least it seemed like it. i think it may have to do with when your muscles are tightened, impacts sometimes are not felt as much vs when the muscles are relaxed. At least i think that may be it anyways. lol After about 3 or 4 cane strokes i missed being against the wall....i couldn't really move or jump since i was laying flat and all i could do was clutch His comforter. It was still rather fun and interesting to experience caning in a different position. Although, still, i think i prefer the wall to be honest. Again, with this visit i was able to open up and express to Sir when something hurt instead of me remaining silent the whole time. Sir gave me a choice one time between the bed or the wall......Sir has told me that i am not good at answering multiple choice questions and sure enough that time wasn't any different. lol So Sir made up my mind for me and had me brace myself against the wall. By the time Sir was about done caning me that time however, i think i may have started to fall into sub-space because i can't remember making much noise or moving that much....at least at the end of the caning. lol Overall i received 90 of my 110 strokes with the cane and Sir said that was close enough.
The canings i earned turned out to be an experience for both my Master and i. i was broken of the bad habit of nail biting and more importantly (in my opinion) Sir decided to push His own limits. Who knows what will be learned in the future?

Dinner at M and k's Part 3

OK...now the final entry. lol How the subject came up i am not sure really but k came out holding a strap on with a purple dildo attached. i will admit i was very intrigued and actually held it for a moment or two. Then Sir decided that i should try it on. Omg...i hopped from foot to foot once i recovered from shock. lol i was so nervous and for some reason my mind was in a state of denial....that whole..i know this isn't happening....i can't believe this is happening....oh goodness this really IS happening- thing. lol i was wide eyed and giggling like crazy as k helped me put it on.....after she had tightened it so it wouldn't fall off, i looked down......and laughed. i couldn't help it....for some reason seeing a dildo protruding from my body did not look right and i found it rather funny. Sir even got a couple of pics that are SO funny to look at. lol i kept looking down and looking up while Sir, M and even k got a good laugh at my disbelief. After a few minutes i adjusted (somewhat) and was able to look down without giggling. Well then (because of my nervousness, i think) i got a little cocky (no pun intended) and brave and joked to k how i would like to fu*k her with it. That was sheer bravado on my part....not seriously meant....well not wholly serious anyways. What can i say....i was a little curious. lol Sir told me later that He was surprised that i said that....surprised and pleased at the same time. Well...M told k to let me fu*k her....right in front of both of Them!! When k went to the bathroom and my smile quickly turned into a wide eyed look of "Omg this is SO not happening right now" i tried to explain to Sir that i was just joking...i didn't mean it. i will admit i was pleading...but Sir was smiling. He asked me if i was backing down on something i said i would do. That put a little starch in my spine, but not enough. lol Had i been given the choice, i wouldn't have done it to be honest. k came out of the bathroom and soon i saw what she was carrying.....lube. k rubbed the lube on the dildo and i think i squealed....lol Sir and M settled back to enjoy the show as i knelt behind k. i was in total shock for the third time that night. All i could think was "Omg....i'm behind k...with a strap on on...and Sir and M are watching....i have NO idea what i am doing.....what i am supposed to do with THIS?? Oh god....there's lube on the dildo.....i can't believe i am going to do this.....please don't let me suck at this" lol i am not sure where that last thought came from.......probably that inherent desire to do something well. As i started to fu*k k, it seemed like she was enjoying herself and i found myself having fun as well. i must admit, knowing that Sir was like, two feet away, watching did hit an erotic point with me. After a few minutes of experimenting with various speeds and strength, Sir got behind me with a crop!! i loved that and i think k did as well. i had my hand in her hair and every time Sir would strike me with the crop i would end up thrusting forward harder and pulling her hair rougher. The whole thing felt a little surreal....although i suppose if you are doing something you have never done before and it pushes your boundaries i suppose that that is understandable. After all was said and done i asked Sir for permission to take it off and i was relieved to have it off to be honest. Fu*king k with the strap-on was something i definitely would not have done on my own volition...i am way too shy and that was a boundary i had not even touched on before. Doing it because Sir told me to was a completely different matter. i had lots of fun but still..again with the shyness factor. Doing something like this made me pull on my submission greatly......fu*king k, albeit fun, forced me to move beyond my shyness, beyond my normal realm of behavior. Not only was i pushed past my boundaries and comfort level, i did so with someone other than Sir watching. Eeeek! lol i look back at that night and i smile...so many new things and the entire night was very fun. With my new knowledge i can't help but admire Sir's endurance (and coordination) whenever He fu*ks me, knowing now what it is like to have a cock, even fake, is definitely tiring and a lot harder than it looks. The good news is that it really is a good workout for your abs. lol Overall the entire evening was amazing...Sir had me do things i have never done before, like being flogged by k, falling into subspace in front of others and not only putting on a strap-on but using it as well. my submission to Sir was greatly used in different ways and the fact that i had pleased Him made my night. i think i have learned not to joke about doing something unless i'm ready to follow through. lol Amazing what one can learn and experience in one evening.

Dinner with M & k part 2

Well continuing from my last entry, this is more of the night at M and k's house. Soon after my birthday spanking, we were all talking about different type of toys and implements and M and k said that k had bought a flogger made of rubber. i was interested in it when k told me that it had a thuddy and stingy sensation to it. i thought that that was interesting since "stingy" sensations usually make me aroused and "thuddy" ones send me into subspace rather easily. Well M went into the dungeon and got it out and showed it to Sir and i. i actually held it and i was a little surprised at how heavy it was. i suppose that is because it was made out of rubber and had wide straps. M was joking around and said something to the effect of how tired He was from having to go all the way into the dungeon to get the flogger and i looked at Him and said (smiling) "aww and that was SO hard". The look on Sir's and M's face was priceless for about a split second and then i seriously thought i was dead. Sir had the look of shock and not the funny kind either....more like a what-the-hell-did-you-just-say kind of look while M's mouth hit the floor. These are an explanation of the thoughts that coursed through my head in the ohhh, about 10 seconds, of silence. Looking at Sir i had that feeling of dread come over me....i KNEW i had just over-stepped my bounds...the fact that the wine had gone to my head was no excuse, in fact, i shouldn't have even drank that much if i knew that was how i was going to react. i had just gone against the training Sir had given me and i thought for sure that i was going to get a major punishment. i was already saying sorry in my head but i think i was in just as much shock as Sir and M were. i couldn't believe that i had just said that myself! Then....M started to laugh and Sir smiled and perhaps it was just my imagination, but i could have sworn there was a look of warning on my Master's face. i am pretty sure that if i had said that in ANY other situation or if Sir wasn't feeling gracious, understanding and forgiving, i would have been punished. As it was, i was feeling a great amount of relief of not being punished, but i did watch what i said the rest of the night. This is why i do not drink and why i plan on not doing so again. Well the tension in the room dissolved and everyone settled back into a relaxed rapport. It was then that Sir decided to let k flog me....another first. Considering how big that thing is i wasn't sure how it would go. k had me put my hands on the back of another couch in the living room and stick my ass out, legs spread (not too much) with my head down. As k was flogging me, the flogger hit my lower back, hips, ass, thighs and one time it somehow wrapped around and hit my cu*t!! Owwww. lol k apologized for that and i took a deep breath and settled back into position. i will say that k was right though, it does have a wonderful thuddy yet stingy effect. After a minute or two, Sir took the flogger from k, told me to present myself and gave me a rather hard flogging. Ohhhh.....i loved it. The sting was rather nice and as always with Sir, i fell into that submissive mindset that only Sir can bring out in me. The connection Sir and i have, the dynamic that we have makes me respond differently to Him, the mindset is different which, i think, effects what is happening. That may not have made sense, so i will try my best to say what k did. she said that when Sir was flogging me, she couldn't see His face but that she could feel the difference with how i responded to Him. The intensity was amped up a little bit and she said that she could see the difference in His stance as He continued to flog me. she could tell that i was focused on Sir and He was focused on me. i think this has to do with what Sir said one time about how we feed off each other but i thought that k seeing the difference in my interaction with her vs my interaction with Sir was pretty cool. As k and i spoke she said that she thought that that was pretty cool as well. At one point and time Sir stopped, pulled me up and asked if i was close (or in, i can't really remember for sure) to subspace and i said yes and even asked Him if i may please go back. lol M and k laughed and Sir responded by pushing me back into position onto the couch and resumed flogging me. For the second time that night, i fell into subspace in front of M and k. When Sir was done, He helped me stand back up and guided me back to the couch that M and k were seated next to. Sir sat down on the couch and i sat back at His feet. Then for a reason i didn't understand at the moment, i started to shake. It wasn't constant or anything, more like my body would tense up every few seconds and i would shake. Sir asked M and k for a blanket and i tried to say that i was fine but Sir wasn't hearing any of that. That was one of those times when i became acutely aware of Sir caring for me and knowing what is best for me. So Sir wrapped me up in the blanket and as i laid my head against His legs, He again started to stroke my hair in that way that automatically calms and centers me. i said something about my shaking was coming from the fact that parts of my body were really warm and Sir said that it probably was also because my endorphins were dropping as well. i didn't know that could happen so i learned something new. lol Overall the night was turning out to be very interesting and fun. It looks like i am headed for a third installment of the evening at M and k's house because another huge first occurred....something do to with a strap-on. Oohh boy, that was interesting but i think i will leave it at that for now though......

A B'day Spanking with M & k

This entry is about the night Sir and i went to M and k's house for dinner. However, dinner was not the only thing that occurred. But i am getting ahead of myself once again, so let me start at the beginning. Sir and i had made plans with M and k a few weeks earlier and it was something that all of us were looking forward to. Sir and i have never been to their house and let me say the decor was beautiful. It was like walking into a harem, i kid you not. Very colorful and beautiful and themed. After k had given the tour around the house, the bottle of wine Sir had brought was opened as well as another bottle of wine that M and k had. Sir prefers reds, k prefers white and M likes certain brands of beer. So it was a pretty even mix. We all sat around talking for a bit and k went into the kitchen and i asked Sir for permission to help k if she needed it. He gave permission so i went and offered help as well as had a few minutes of "girl" talk. k noticed my new collar the moment i walked in the door and new what it meant, but now she was able to get a closer look. she loved it and said it was very beautiful and asked me a few questions which had me giggling. It would seem k already has the ability to ask those sorts of question that push my shyness button. lol So she and i brought out the appetizers while everything was still cooking. she sat on the floor next to M and since Sir was on the couch, i took my place on the floor next to His feet. After eating and more conversation i helped k bring out dinner and more conversation ensued. Well after dinner had been cleared away, Sir told me to stand up and told me to strip. lol Part of me was not surprised. So i stripped and in a short period of time i had been told to crawl around. Actually crawled into M and k's dungeon (cold hard floors- lol) and got into a discussion about positions so Sir had me do a few including one that k was describing. At one point in time Sir had me go and sit next to k, where i got to play with M and k's masochist cat. lol That cat loves to be spanked...go figure. The last time Sir had me go and sit next to k i felt a little weird about it...not in a bad way it was just really different than sitting next to Sir. Well this time when Sir told me to go and sit next to k, i didn't feel uncomfortable or weird about it....k is someone i consider a friend so there was none of the this-is-a-bit-odd feeling like last time. Well the comment that my visit was also in celebration of my birthday came up and k asked me what i had wanted for my birthday. i looked at Sir and simply asked "Sir, may i?" Sir said to go ahead so i looked at k and said, "you to get naked" lol i then made the comment that i didn't want to be the only one naked..and i think every one got a laugh out of that. Well M told k to go ahead and strip, so i got to see k naked. Yay me! After she had stripped, Sir brought up my birthday spanking and said that He had the idea that M and k help Him with that by everyone giving me 8 whacks each for a total of 24. i got a bit nervous with that and asked Sir if i may please have a glass of wine before this happens. That was the first time i have ever drunk wine that quickly but i am pretty sure that Sir knew how nervous i was....this was the first time that i would be spanked by someone other than Him. Someone made the comment about how hard to spank me and k said something to the effect that she could spank me hard enough for me to definitely feel it. i responded by saying that she could try. lol Omg, the wine went to my head and i think i started to develop foot in mouth syndrome. Well Sir looked at little shocked as well as M and k...although i think all of us laughed a little at my impromptu challenge of sorts. k brought out this round footstool and had me lay over is so my head was over the edge on one side and at the other side my ass was at a pretty nice angle. i was instructed to count (out loud) each smack and thus i received my first spanking from someone other than Sir. The spanking k gave me wasn't too bad and she started to go a bit harder at the end of the spanking. Then M was up and i tensed up for just a second before relaxing.....my mind seems to greatly distinguish the difference between a female spanking me vs a male spanking. M did spank me harder than k did though and when He was done i will admit that my ass was rather warm. lol After i received my spanking from M, Sir instructed me to crawl to Him (He was sitting on the couch) and over His lap for the rest of my birthday spanking. i love placing myself over Sir's lap for His use.... doing so in front of M and k actually didn't feel weird. The instant Sir gave me His instructions, it was almost like M and k faded away..sort of. i knew that they were there and intently watching, but my mind was focused on Sir. i laid down across His lap and, like last time, Sir went as hard as He knew i could handle. Which, to be honest, was quite a bit harder than M or k went. Even k later told me that she was like, "wow", (in a good way) with how hard Sir spanked me. Well i was in one of my favorite places (maybe i should make a list lol) with Sir doing something He and i both enjoy very very much and as with M and k, i had to count each stroke. Around stroke 6 or 7 i felt that calmness of sub-space come over me...but i did manage to say the remaining smacks before i sunk into subspace. i remember Sir smacking my ass and the back of my thighs and k saying how relaxed i was (or something like that) as Sir continued to spank me. i loved every minute of it. After He was done He ran His hands over me a couple of times and petted my hair. i slowly came out of sub-space still in Sir's lap, grinning and making the comment of how hot my ass was. lol So far dinner at M and k's was very fun and the evening (in some ways) had just started. The rest of this will be in part 2 and i promise to write soon.