Caught in the Headlights

"Drop your pants." Quietly, firmly said by my Master as He held a miniature cane in one of His hands. i have never truly hesitated following a command given by Him but this time i froze. He and i were in a public store...true enough it was a BDSM themed store....one that sold collars, canes, crops, floggers, BDSM clothing and other paraphernalia. But is was still a public place. There were other people in the store (all men i might add) and i wasn't wearing any underwear. How this came about is that Sir was looking at canes...He let me feel a couple of them and chose one and lightly whacked me on my ass with it. It didn't sting at all and when Sir asked me if i felt it, i told Him "no Sir" He then walked to the other side of me, got this serious expression on His face and ordered me to drop my pants. For about 10 seconds i thought He was joking and then reality hit....He really meant for me to drop my pants in the middle of the store!!! In front of people....with no underwear on!! Omg......my heart dropped into my stomach and started to race. i was praying that He would change His mind but i knew He meant what He said. So i stood there, hopping from foot to foot, looking decidedly uncomfortable and by Sir's words, distressed. i had my hands on the counter, looking down and part of me wanted to beg for me to keep my clothes on. i wanted to do as He instructed but i still could not seem to wrap my head around His request....He repeated Himself and with my emotions flying around at the speed of light, i tried to focus on my submission. i tried to make everything around me fade away.....to a place where my concentration was on my Master and what He wanted me to do. But it was sooo hard. i kept getting images of some man walking behind me getting a perfect view of my cu*t...eeekkk! i saw Him smile from time to time as He saw my struggle with the concept, trying to process what He wanted me to do. As i started to calm down and accept the fact that i was going to drop my pants for a very possible public caning some guy comes out of no where and asks me if i am okay. my Master was not pleased in the least...in fact He got a little pissed. i remember hearing Him say "she's fine"...and not in a nice way. i answered "never better"....looking back i should not have responded but i didn't know if everything was okay or not. It did break the scene though....Sir was a bit angry and my concentration of pulling from my submission was a bit lost. However, after the guy had left i was still really nervous....in my mind i was thinking i still needed to obey His command. In an attempt for more time to think, i even asked Sir if we could ask the clerk if me dropping my pants would be okay.....lol. i was really really nervous. Sir kind of waited around, spoke to the clerk (the clerk told Him it would be okay lol) and i followed Him around the store. Somehow, without my Master telling me, i kind of knew that the scene would not be occurring. On the same note, i also knew that He could turn around and tell me to drop my pants at anytime, so i was a bundle of nerves the rest of the time in the store. Every time He would look at me i thought He was going to tell me to strip. lol When we got back in His car i was quiet....i felt bad for not responding immediately, i felt that i had failed in a way. Sir told me that He knew i would do as He requested, once i wrapped my brain around the idea but i still felt a little bad about it. Looking back on the scene in the store later on in the day, i told Sir that even though i was really nervous and it was pretty hard, i still wished that the scene that He wanted to do, hadn't been interrupted. Sir felt the same....He wanted to push me mentally and He wanted me to use my submission. That is the first time that anything, like a scene being interrupted, has ever happened and i hope that it will be the last. i trust Sir to push me where He wants me and i think experiencing something like that would have, in the end, been wonderful. On a positive note, what i did get to experience was very nerve-wracking yet pretty cool.....who knows, maybe Sir will see fit to do something like that again. i know for sure that i will be blushing but hopefully i will be able to process and respond a lot faster than this past time.

Bats, Rabbits and King Leer

Well here i am, back at home once again from a visit at Sir's house. Ohhhh goodness...this visit was very intense in some ways. This weekend He pushed me a bit further....a bit harder. There was a break through with golden showers and for the first time, i truly tried to talk my way out of doing something that my Master requested of me. Yes, i would have done it once i wrapped my head around what He told me to do, but that was my initial reaction. Don't worry, everything will be explained in time. ::grin:: Dinner with M (now known as King "Leer"-lol) and k went wonderful and i got my first real life taste of voyeurism. Eeek!! lol Actually it was pretty cool...although i did blush a little. This visit was very fun and although my Master decided to push me kind of hard (in my opinion lol), in the end i was smiling and pleased with myself from pleasing Him. Ohh and it is official....the tickets are bought, plans are made and i will be bringing my birthday present (rabbit, with a purple ribbon around her neck) to Sir the next time i go to Him!! So overall this weekend was wonderful, as are all of my visits to my Master. Sometimes it is pretty amazing what can happen in just a couple of days......did i mention that Sir and i saw the bat-mobile??

Something New

Recently i have introduced everybody to my new friend "rabbit". i don't want to be overly optomistic but i thought it would be fun to write little updates of her progression with her submission. So look forward to *rabbit updates* from here on out.

For my first update, rabbit has been instructed on how to address Sir in a proper manner. she is getting accustomed to doing so but it is rather cute to watch her blush when she says "Hello Mr. R"

Bye Bye Bye

This is going to be my last entry for a few days for the time has come around yet again for me to go to my Master! Yay!! lol i am always excited to go and see Him and with this visit i, again, have no idea what exactly is going to happen. i do know that M and k are coming over for dinner and then the next day Sir is taking me to get my hair cut. All the stuff in between, i don't have much of a clue. lol That always makes me a little nervous.....excited and curious as well. Sir has spoken of using the chamber pot, the tenns unit, He told me to bring my butt plug and of course there is that fantasy He had me write. Sooo...what He is thinking of doing, i am not really sure of. The one thing i am sure of is exploring more into golden showers....hopefully to where i can swallow some of His pee before the visit is over. i am pretty nervous about doing that but i am also so very happy and excited to try for Him. Hmmm, i am sure that lots will happen, so i am sure that i will be writing when i return. Bye until then!

rabbit

There is something new in the wind at the moment....she is a friend of mine whom Sir has nicknamed rabbit. Well rabbit and i have been friends for just a short while but she and i just "clicked". After a couple of weeks of getting to know one another and her many questions about my collar, (she at first thought it was a choker) i decided to tell her about the lifestyle i share with Sir, our dynamic and BDSM in general. she wasn't turned off about BDSM, just the opposite really. she was very curious about everything contained therein and asked me endless questions. lol In many ways, rabbit reminds both Sir and i of me 10 months ago....very curious and shy but eager to explore her submission. So it has been decided among the three of us that she will come with me to visit Sir sometime in the future. Omg!! lol i am really very excited and so is she. There are a few reasons as to why she is coming....for starters she is my birthday present to Sir. (so better than a tie- lol) and for those of you wondering, she is fully aware of this fact and is not only excited to be His present but she also finds it to be a very erotic thought to be "given away". There are many things that Sir wishes to explore with her when she visits...bondage, forced orgasm, crawl training my continuing journey into my bi-sexual side (that opens many doors to her visit) and of course the many ways my submission will be used and rabbit's starting journey into her own submission. Really very exciting stuff. On the topic of rabbit discovering her own submission, it is my Master's intent that she be able to explore her submission through domestic service, ritual and protocol as well as some sexual service. i think the best part is that she knows that she gets to freely explore all of things in a safe environment....where she can relax and know that nothing will happen that she doesn't agree to. rabbit also has quite a few erotic fantasies that Sir is planning on exploring as well as a few of His own. (ohhh boy- blushing will occur i am sure lol) Some of the things He has planned so far gives me a strong dose of nervous anticipation as well as arousal. i haven't really touched, played or fu*ked another female in years! (literally) So all of this does make me a bit nervous....funny, that is one thing rabbit is not really nervous about at all. lol i think that all of this is wonderful....i truly like rabbit and have become fast friends with her and i think that this upcoming visit will be made so much better because of that fact. More to come soon i promise.

Fantasy

Sir is having me write this entry about what type of scene i would like to do this weekend.....this is a little hard because i am really shy about admitting my desires or fantasies. When it comes to what type of scene i would like to experience....well that's a tough one. lol i think a scene with a lot of bondage would be fun....to explore more objectification and eventual use to include erotic pain mixed with a high dose of pleasure. Maybe slow erotic torture. i have learned that i do not have a lot of patience when it comes to masturbating although i have gotten better. To delve deeper into the image that comes across is this.

i am completely naked except for the cuffs on my wrists and ankles. He has me tied up with my head down and my ass up. my legs are tied so that they are spread wide open.....i cannot move them, even to adjust slightly. my wrists are bound together behind my back with the rope heading up to the ceiling....pulling on my wrists so that my arms are pulled straight behind my back. my Master is kind enough to provide a pillow for my head, to keep my neck from hurting. i am open, in every way, nothing hidden...formed almost like a piece of art....something for Him to just enjoy looking at if that is what pleases Him to do. After i am settled into position, He walks away without saying a word. The next thing i hear is Him doing something in the kitchen and then walking back to the room i am in and then gives me a light spanking. When He is finished, He tells me that i am good girl and then proceeds to sit down on His computer, seeming to ignore me completely. From time to time He comes and plays with me, uses me, praises me and then leaves me again. Sometimes He even just stays in the same room to read or perhaps talk on the phone. Sometimes He does is so slow and erotic....never hard or fast enough for what my body seems to be craving and sometimes it is erotic pain, pushing my boundaries and my submission. i think my mind even wants to sneak in the image of my Master using my body to please Himself.. ::major blushing:: ...i know that my body is for His use, but i think for this scene every aspect of His actions instills that feeling of being His play thing, an object of His passing interest, more and more deeply. i will admit that the entire scene in my head is around objectification. Since He brought the term to light (in a way i had not thought of), i am curious to explore what could be done with it. i know that i have not incorporated emotions into this....but i am not really sure to how i would react to all of that happening. To think of this actually happening does make me nervous....excited but pretty nervous all the same. i know that my submission would be used and that it is an erotic thought for me to not only be used as my Master's personal toy, but to be treated like His toy as well. At least for that scene......to be honest i do not think i would enjoy being treated like that all the time but i think it would be great to expand a little more on the concept and such. i think that being seemingly ignored (i know that He would be checking in on me to make sure i was okay often) could push me emotionally after a period of time....i know that my submission would be stretched and used....the entire time really. my boundaries with erotic pain could very well also be a factor and i am pretty sure that i would have to use my submission to ward off impatience if Sir decided to..oh say, use my cu*t with a dildo but going really slow or not inserting it all the way in. i have tried that on myself...thus how i have learned that i can have little patience with that. lol Overall i am not sure how my Master would desire to push or use me but it is a rather interesting, exciting and admittedly a bit nerve wracking too, to think about how He would change it up to fit His desires. Part of me can't believe i actually put all of this down!! lol Objectification....i never thought it would be something that would appeal to some part of me but as always, unless i am willing to open myself up to my Master and new experiences i will never find out. Although i am pretty sure that this is something that does appeal to me a great deal, i think the exploration of it would probably be trying at times but a lot of fun as well.

Acceptance

Can someone be too accepting? i am not really sure....i think it is a fine line....or maybe not even that. i know, that's confusing so let me explain. i don't think it is really a matter of how accepting a sub is but rather why. A sub will submit to their Dom/me because that is what their Dom/me desires at the time. The sub wishes only to please Them. Therefore, a sub has to accept the situation by using her submission. her desire to please her Dom/me overrides her discomfort or their mental/emotional instincts. Like the time Sir was using the rubber band.....i had to fight the instinct to move away. i had to accept not only the pain from the rubber band but the fact that that is what Sir wanted to do at the time. There have been other times when i have had to use the same process. A couple of day's ago Sir told me that i was to stop masturbating, that i was back on restriction. i readily agreed and wasn't even upset over it. i reacted that particular way because i know that Sir does things for His reasons and as Sir told me, i look at the big picture not the small things. Which is true for the most part. Although admittedly, i did miss masturbating after 2 days. lol But my mindset was that of knowing that my stopping was by His decision.......by obeying Him i was happy and i am always assured the my Master has His reasons for doing something, even if i do not know them at the time. However, i think that if a sub feels "numb" about something, like she couldn't care either way then i think that would be a problem. To me that says that she does not care what happens to her, that she is entering the "robot zone". Not a good thing i think. i have spoken with many subs, all of which say that even though they will obey their Doms/Masters, they still think and certainly feel for what they are doing. i think that thinking about it is what makes subs so nervous in the first place! lol i am sure that in some dynamics the Dom/me wants complete unthinking obedience but i do not think i would be happy that way. i accept what ever my Master wants even though it makes me nervous or uncomfortable because it makes Him happy and pleased. Which in turn makes me happy as well. But if i became indifferent about doing something, if i automatically simply said yes Sir without thought to how this action will effect me i do not see how i could be happy about pleasing Him and knowing my Master he would quickly grow bored of our dynamic. Always wanting to do what someone else wants to do i think is another fine line. i think that there are probably quite a few views on this matter, both from a BDSM and vanilla standpoint. Hmmm...lots to think on. Anyone else have any other views??

Master-bation

Sir decided to do something He has not done in a while.....He decided to use me over the phone. i had walked into my room to go to bed for the night and after asking permission to undress for the night Sir told me to go and get my vibe. i was very surprised and happy to be able to please Him. i grabbed my vibe as a shiver of anticipation ran through me. After i had walked back to my bed and laid down Sir told me to turn it on. He then told me to place it on my clit.....by this time i was already becoming aroused and part of me couldn't wait to see what Sir wanted to do. Well in this instance with Sir using me (i am not going into detail...sorry lol) He had me be vocal. Since He had me starting out fu*king myself slowly, this was very easy to do. As always whenever Sir is using me i fall into that submissive mindset where all i want to do is please my Master. The best way to do that while He is using me is to be His slut in any way He desires me to be. Whenever i get into that mindset i have no problem telling Sir that i am His slut and that my body is for His use.....because i am and my body is. So i was being vocal, letting my Master know how aroused i was and how much i am His. How much of an affect He has on me and how much i was enjoying Him using me. That is a state of mind in which only Sir can take me to. i was moving my hips, moaning and just letting go of myself....allowing myself to lose control as He willed. After i asked Him if His slut may please have permission to cum for Him, i got pretty loud. Loud enough at any rate for Him to go "shhhhh" over the phone. It was a quick and sharp command and i immediately obeyed Him. i thanked Him for using me and allowing me to cum for Him after i was able to catch my breath....at least a little bit anyways. A wonderful surprise and treat from my Master.
Another time since i have been home, Sir used me again. This time though, He told me i was not to make any noise whatsoever. No moans or groans or anything. In fact the only time i was allowed to to make any verbal response was to ask His permission to cum for Him and that was it. That was different than the first time.....going from vocal to nothing was very interesting. Knowing that the only sound He wanted to hear was my breathing was erotic. i even tried to breath quietly.....but that didn't work out so well. lol After He had me insert the vibe into my cu*t Sir had me fu*k myself harder and harder as the minutes ticked by. That got a little tough, to be honest. But i still kept fu*king myself as He commanded and the pain and tiredness would fade. Since i was being very quiet, Sir did all the talking. There was one time as He was using me that He said "That's right be a slut....be My slut." i think hearing that aroused me as much as i saying that i am His slut. Again i just let myself go.....i used to have a hard time doing that but now it is much easier to do. There is nothing wrong in my obeying Him and doing as He says. i am allowed that freedom to surrender myself to Him, to feel no fear or shame or embarrassment for what i am doing is pleasing Him, which is what makes me feel happy and complete. At this time, fu*king myself hard and staying quiet is how i could please Him the most. Near the end, my cu*t was getting really really sensitive and it started to become hard to keep fu*king myself as hard as He wanted me do. But even though it was hard, the desire to please Him and the pleasure He was creating in me overrode all of that. Sir using me this time was a bit tougher than the first time although i enjoyed every minute of it. i love being used by Sir and i am very thankful when He decides to surprise me by doing so.
There is one other similar experience i have had since being home. Sir gave me a task to do. i was to meditate for my 15 minutes as i usually do but this time i was to put in my butt plug before hand. It had been a while since i had used that and i was a bit nervous about doing so. The plug was a bit hard to get in at first but soon i just enjoyed the full feeling and let my mind wander to where Sir wanted it. At this time, i was to concentrate on presenting Sir with anther girl....how it would make me feel and what thoughts came to mind. i had fun with that one. lol Lots of images. After my meditation i was to take my vibe and run it up and down my clit for 10 minutes. i had to move slowly and i could not insert in into my cu*t. i had a couple of fantasies while doing so. (Not telling....lol) i did at odd intervals remember the crop and and the stinger from our last visit. Both of which caused my arousal level to go higher.....even though i still don't really like the stinger. i don't like it yet part of me would like to experience that again. Don't you love how that works? lol After the ten minutes were up, i was instructed to fu*k myself hard for twenty minutes straight. No stopping, even if i came. This was unusual since normally when i do cum, i am allowed to stop, but not this time. As well as being given permission to cum, i was also instructed to ask Sir for His permission to cum for Him. Doesn't matter if He is there or not, i still need to ask permission. my Master did tell me that i had to gradually build up to where i was fu*king myself hard....and since i wasn't allowed to stop, this also meant that i had to continue to fu*k myself hard afterward. So when i started, i was filled with nervous anticipation. i wasn't sure what it was going to feel like to keep fu*king myself after i came and hard at that. i knew i needed to stay relaxed so that i wasn't tense (i have learned it is hard for me to cum if i am too tense) and most importantly, i needed to let go and just let myself feel everything that was happening. i slowly built up to a hard pace...thinking of Sir and His voice and past times attributed to my arousal quite heavily. When i felt my orgasm imminent, i asked Sir if His slut may please cum for Him and then the climax hit. It was hard to move the vibe....my cu*t tightened up quite a bit as well as the rest of my body. When the orgasm faded, i resumed fu*king myself and learned that my cu*t gets really sensitive afterward. It actually started to hurt a little but soon the pain faded back into pleasure once again. A few minutes later the timer went off for this task all i could do was lay back and breath for a few minutes. When i finally calmed down completely i went and had some cereal and then i went to bed. Happy that i had pleased Him and a bit tired from all the activities that He had me do. Going from nervous anticipation before, to relaxed and aroused during meditation, to really letting go and behaving like His slut, then cumming for Him and then going from it hurting a little bit and then back to pleasure was pretty cool. i felt very happy that i kept fu*king myself hard even afterward even though it got a little rough. Knowing i was pleasing Him even though it got a little hard was a wonderful feeling. All of these experiences were different in many ways. All were wonderful and each time i had to adjust myself to the situation at hand. More learning and more experiences from Sir....and more unexpected treats. With one i was vocal, the other one silent and one in which i had to use my submission to keep fu*king myself and then experiencing that blend of pleasure/pain. Being able to serve Him in any manner makes me feel complete and with all of these i try to do just that. All of this makes this slave very happy indeed.

Couch Series Part 2

When Sir told me to lay face down, i could not help but get butterflies in my stomach. After He had finished tying me up, He spread my legs as far as they could go. i was open...both physically and mentally. Being tied up in a hog tie with my legs spread felt wonderful. i am sure that Sir had the view that He wanted....and i enjoyed being in that position for Him. As i took a couple of deep breaths and relaxed into the position i was in, Sir turned the harley back on. Ohh lord. lol Maybe it was because it was the position i was in, or the fact that i was in a particular submissive mindset or maybe it was even because Sir had aroused me so much already, that when He put the vibe back on my cu*t, i breathed a sigh of relief. Squealing quickly followed though. lol i think that i truly enjoyed not being able to move....the only thing i could do was feel. i remember Sir laying the harley down on the couch so it was still touching my cu*t as He left the room for a brief moment. It was so hard just laying there....mostly because i didn't stay very still. lol To explain...if i didn't move, the vibe wouldn't move....but my body had other ideas. i would move my hips up and down, trying to feel more of it....unfortunately when i did that it would move back just the tiniest bit. The sensations that caused was very.....wow. lol Just barely touching....teasing....in the short time Sir was gone i was desperately trying to feel the sensations more fully. When He did return, He lifted the vibe again.....very shortly i felt my body seeking an orgasm. What happened next i could not have predicted at all.....i felt a very sharp, painful sting. It took my brain about 30 seconds to ascertain what it was.....the little hand held "stinger". It felt like little bee stings....this is one of my Master's toys that i do not like. lol However, my body totally disagreed with my head. my brain was going, no no no while each touch (as much as it stung) seemed again to propel me into an orgasm. That was the second time that visit that that that had happened. Again my ass seemed to raise itself in the air as pleasure and pain intermixed. Although my brain was going "no" i still loved it....it was something that my Master wanted me to go through and i was very happy to have pleased Him. When it comes to the "no" in my brain......well.....i didn't say no or my safe word during that entire time. i think it goes back to even though something hurts, you still want it....like the crop....or the cane. lol i have read about some women having a hard time cumming unless there is that added element of pleasure/pain and i wondered if perhaps i may be one of those. Although what happened next i think defeats that theory. After i had asked Sir if His slut may cum for Him, He gave permission and i came for Him, He kept the vibe on my cu*t. Sir then took His purple dildo and inserted it into my cu*t. Oh my goodness..... He started out really slow and i gave in completely to the added sensations He was allowing. i squirmed....presented my ass higher....just let go for Him. After a couple of minutes He asked me if i felt another orgasm building and i nodded my head. Then i realized that that was probably not acceptable. lol So i replied "yes Sir" and He started to go faster and harder with the dildo. He would speak occasionally...telling me i was a good girl (it is amazing the different effect that has when He is using me vs when He is not) and other things, or asking me what i was. Mmmmm. lol i think, thanks to my Master, that i am getting back in touch with the side of me that enjoys vocal stimulation. Well i felt the rush of an orgasm hit me and i once again asked Sir if His slut may have permission to cum for Him. However this time, He paused for a few seconds and then asked me "Do you really need to cum?" i practically shouted "Yes Sir, please oh please may Your slut please cum for You?" lol He then waited a few more seconds and i was trying soo hard not to cum....my whole body was tense and even though my body wanted to cum, i had this little voice in my head that was telling i had better not. Thank goodness i soon heard Sir telling me to cum. It took a couple of seconds for His words to register....and omg....the orgasm Sir allowed me to have was intense. As i felt Him untie me, my whole body was lax and heavy. What happened afterward is XXX so i'm not putting it in here....This whole scene on the couch was so wonderful. In the end i discovered something new about myself. The stinger required i use my submission as did having to control my orgasm....(not for too long thank goodness). The latter definitely reiterating the fact that my orgasm is for my Master's enjoyment, not my own. One more wonderful way i was pushed, used and praised this visit. Best part, there is another visit scheduled in the very near in the future.....yay!

Objectification

Couch Series Part 2 will be here soon.....in the meantime, i thought to discuss something. Last night Sir and i were talking on the phone about the whole scene on the couch and His seemingly nonchalant behavior. Nonchalant being Him "watching" the game on the tv while using me. The conversation (part of it) went something like this. i asked Him why He had done that and He told me that He wasn't going to give me the answer. Instead He wanted to know why i thought He had done it and how it made me feel. i told Him that even though He seemed nonchalant, somewhere in my head i knew that He wasn't being so. my Master never does anything without a reason. i knew the feeling....but i couldn't put a word to it. He asked me if it aroused me and after some giggling, i said "Yes Sir". He told me that there was no right or wrong answer....that it is just the way that i feel. Again with me getting shy when admitting i enjoy something of a sexual nature. A little bit into the conversation He asked me if it felt like something He had done in the past. To explain, one time Sir used me while on the web cam. i was letting lose, masturbating at His command, while He sat down in front of His computer and ate dinner. For some reason, although i did not understand it at the time, i found that very arousing. i said as much to Sir and He told me that was the first hint that He had that i enjoyed objectification. i was silent for a few minutes turning the idea in my head. i have never really considered that before.....almost every time in the past when i heard that phrase, i thought of someone being used as furniture or something like that. So for Him to put it in that light was something different but made a great deal of sense. So i got my answer.....my Master's seemingly nonchalant behavior on the couch was for the purpose of bringing out the emotion and mind set of objectification. Of being His property to do with as He pleased....His toy He gets to play with whenever He desires to. As much as i may blush to admit this.....that image and concept does arouse me very much. It is another thing that i have learned through Sir. It was something He knew, that i didn't....well i knew the feeling but i didn't know the word. It makes me wonder what else there is about me that my Master sees and i do not......

Couch Series Part 1

i walked into the living room....making sure all was cleaned up after lunch. Casually walking in, my eyes take in purple rope and the harley on the couch. For some reason i didn't even notice them until the second time i went in to living room.....then my brain was doing a double take. lol i wasn't expecting Sir to do anything, i had honestly thought we were going to spend the rest of my visit just hanging out and talking. Needless to say i was very surprised and my stomach tightened up...wondering what Sir had in mind. i hurriedly finished up the dishes....filling up quickly with nervous anticipation......just wondering what Sir was going to do or what was going to happen. Since i knew something was going to happen, i asked Sir's permission to use the bathroom and He gave me permission to do so. After exiting the bathroom, i went and made sure the clothing i was going to change in to was laid out and that my bags were packed...everything was ready to go. i went into the living room and Sir asked me if everything was okay. i explained to Him what i had done and He gave me a look of approval. i went into the kitchen to put up the dishes and when i walked back to the living room, Sir had me stand in front of Him as He tied my hands behind my back with one forearm resting on top of the other. Simply being tied up by Sir felt so good....He had me move my arms so He could tie me up with ease and when He was done He had me sit on the couch. Ohh goodness.....He brought out the spreader bar and after asking if my hands felt okay, proceeded to tie my ankles to it so my legs were spread. i am not sure how He did it....but somewhere in the whole process Sir tied the rope so there was a rope on each side of my cu*t....effectively spreading me a bit more than usual. Or maybe it just felt that way.... By the time my Master was done i was curious, nervous and aroused. When He had me where He wanted me, He stood up and calmly took a drink of His tea....part of my brain was like "i am sitting here, tied up and spread and He is drinking tea?" lol The other part of me was so aroused by Him doing that.....just knowing that He would look at me whenever He wanted to and how i was positioned may arouse Him, that i was that way because that is how He wanted me....all of it aroused me to no end. He put down His tea and walked somewhere and when He got back He had a camera. He told me to look at Him and for the life of me i couldn't....part of me was panicked....all i could think was that i couldn't do what He wanted me to. It was sooo hard to look up....i was that nervous but i did. He took three pictures and each one He had to tell me to look up....i had to use my submission very much during that time. The word uncomfortable would work well. lol After He had taken the pics, He sat down next to me on the couch. i remember the tv was playing a football game and Sir looked at the tv for a minute. He then brought out the harley, turned it on and then placed it on my cu*t. As i was squealing from the sudden stimulation, Sir sat back, relaxed and watched the football game. Occasionally looking at me but mostly at the tv. i squirmed, moaned and was moving my hips against the vibe all the while i was burying my head in my Master's side smelling His cologne and feeling the warmth and hardness of His body. i completely let go and let myself flow with the sensations....the situation, my submission, everything. i loved it!! After a while of me being His slut with the harley, Sir turned off the vibe and untied my legs. After the entire weekend i learned not to assume that Sir was done....and He wasn't. He instructed me to lay on my stomach and asked me again if my hands were doing well. i told Him that they were doing well and He had me bend my legs so my feet were in the air. The next thing i knew my Master started to tie my feet together.....

On the prowl

i am going out tonight (to an alternative lifestyle club with a gay friend) with my Master's permission looking for another women to join our dynamic....someone who may have experience or is simply curious about BDSM. This is done in the spirit of me wanting to give my Master a very special birthday present. Hopefully all will go well tonight....wish me luck!

Open wide

"When we get home, I want you to immediately strip and go and kneel in the shower." That is what Sir said to me on the way home from a lovely morning/afternoon out, taking in the views and just chatting. i was taken aback for about a second when He said this. Sir and i had spoken about our exploration in golden showers and had agreed that i was ready for Him to pee in my mouth. This would mean keeping my mouth open then entire time....eeek. lol The entire ride home, i kept trying to frantically run that scenario through my head. Imagining it, trying to put it in my head and send that signal to my body. i was afraid that once Sir started, my body would freeze up and i wouldn't be able to open my mouth. When Sir pulled up to His house, He had me get out of the car so He could put it in His garage and reminded me to head straight for the bathroom. i tried to walk calmly through His house but i will admit that i sped up my pace as soon as the door was closed. lol When i got to the bathroom, i hurriedly took of all my clothing, folded it up (a mess in His bathroom would never do) and opened the shower door. i just stood there for a second....my heart was pounding and my breath was a little uneven as i thought about what was going to happen. i got into the shower and fell into pos. 5 and waited. my ears were straining to hear His footsteps....my eyes were closed and i just breathed deep breaths. i slowly but surely started to relax by focusing on my submission then i heard the front door open. my heart rate sped up again as did my nervous anticipation level....as nervous as i was part of me was very excited. As i heard His footsteps getting closer to the bathroom and eventually the shower door i slowly looked up at Him. my brain was in omg mode. lol Sir had me raise up into pos. 4 and my mouth stuck shut....as He started to pee on me, i took a deep breath, swallowed and opened my mouth. As i felt the stream of pee move up my body my eyes closed shut....i just couldn't help it...very very intense. Then Sir peed in my mouth...when i opened my eyes and looked up at Him, i was gone...sooo gone. lol i think at that moment my brain stopped working...no thoughts only feelings. Humbleness and submission took over.....my mouth stayed open pretty wide and His pee would run out on its own or i would gently push it out of my mouth. When Sir was finished, He held out His cock and told me to kiss it. What happened next happened in degrees... i first very gently just kissed the head of His cock....somehow knowing He wanted me to do more i tentatively went and put the entire head in my mouth. The last time i put His entire cock in my mouth and briefly wondered if He would want me to service Him in that manner....my arousal level hitched up while thinking that. However, Sir did not want that...not this time. Some of His pee was in my mouth and i swallowed....almost experimentally. Again, not how you would think it would taste.... After i slid back into pos.5 i was in a daze. Full comprehension of what happened hit me all at once and i was robbed of the power of speech. Sir gently stroked my hair and softly told me i was a good girl and how proud of me He was. The look on His face when looking into my eyes i can only describe as proud and tender. A little part of me melted right there and then. i managed to say "Thank You Sir" and i know i was smiling. When i stood up and He helped me turn on the shower i was still in a daze of sorts. Before He walked out of the bathroom He asked me if i was sure i was okay, with an expression of gentleness and concern. i told Him that i was sure and then after He walked out of the bathroom, i went underneath the hot spray of the water. i just let it run over my body and i leaned against the wall, closed my eyes and didn't even bother to move for the first couple of minutes. When i got done with my shower, i dried off and went into the area where Sir has His computer. Although i know i was speaking and functioning, part of me was still in a very deep submissive mindset. i must say that i love that feeling. The whole experience was amazing and erotic in some ways.....some of it was nerve wracking..but in a good way. As with most things Sir has me do, i look forward to doing this again and i look forward to see where this exploration into golden showers leads.

The Pleasures of Pain: Release

The crop stung....not as much as the cane but it still stung quite a bit. i lost track of how many swats i received....i kept going in and out of subspace....trying to breath through the pain yet everything that had happened made it a bit difficult to do so. One minute all the whacks would blend together and start to echo and then Sir would hit a really really sensitive spot and it would be a sharp pain. i think at that point, the crop was arousing me much more than the cane. After a few minutes of this, Sir brought out the harley and omg.....He had set aside the crop and all i could feel were the edges of pain through my body yet there was also the massive amount of pleasure from the harley on my cu*t. i had experienced something like that, that morning but nothing could have really prepared me for what my Master was going to do next. As the harley was on my cu*t, Sir started to strike the back of my thighs and my ass with the crop again...hard and fast. Almost like He was flicking it against my skin. Ohh....the crop hurt but every time He would strike me with it, i would feel it all the way in my cu*t. Feeling that for the first time threw me a bit off balance....pain and pleasure were being combined in a way i had not experienced before. i started moaning and lifting my ass higher in the air...in a way begging for more. At one point in time Sir said "that's right...let the pain and pleasure combine" Mmmm...the sound of His voice was just.....wow. lol Each stroke, even though it hurt, propelled me closer and closer to an orgasm. At that point pain was pleasure in every sense of word. i remember the orgasm hitting me so fast that i quickly asked Sir if His slut may please cum for Him and was so grateful that He gave permission. Even though Sir is getting me more and more used to putting off an orgasm, i am not sure if i would have been able to hold it back. As the rush of the orgasm ran through me, i asked Sir to please hit me harder (with the crop) and every time the crop came down onto my tender skin, it seemed to strengthen and prolong the orgasm Sir was allowing me to have. Oh goodness....now when ever i think of the crop i get even more aroused than i have in the past. After i had calmed down and thanked Sir for using me and allowing me to cum for Him, He had me turn over on my back and put my head over the side of the bed where He decided to fu*k my throat for a time. It had been a while since Sir has done that. i loved every minute of it. When He had used me to the extent He wanted to He had me turn back around and lay on the bed. He then decided to put on some nipples clamps....and not just any clamps but the ones that tighten up if they are pulled on. i laid somewhat frozen on the bed....the clamps felt tight and i didn't want to risk making them any tighter. lol Well Sir then grabbed hold and lightly pulled on the chain between them.....i got off His bed as fast i could when He did that and oh boy, they felt much tighter when i was finally standing. lol He then briefly looked at me and then pulled the chain down....for some reason it took me a few seconds to realize that He wanted me on my knees on the floor. After i got onto my knees my nipples were burning a little bit from the clamps....although what Sir had me do next was absolutely wonderful. He looked down at me and told me to suck His cock. Then, since one of my favorite things is to serve my Master in that manner, the nipple clamps didn't seem to hurt as much. lol Again with arousal and pain inter-mixing. Although after a minute or two, Sir had me stop and He put the chain so it was laying on top of the base of His cock and then had me resume serving Him. The chain being there did two things.....one, it made me a little nervous since it was there...more or less just wondering if it would move while i was sucking His cock and two, every time i pulled my mouth back it would slightly pull on my nipples. lol That was very interesting.....the pain got to where part of me wished Sir would take them off (it is amazing how fast the brain can work...as soon as i had that thought it was gone) but in the same thought, in order for Him to do that, i would have to stop what i was doing and i did not want to stop pleasing Him. lol i was loving what i was being allowed to do....and yes for those of you wondering, i consider cock worship (my Master's of course) to be a privilege...well any kind of body worship (massage, bathing, rubbing His feet) is a privilege in my mind. So i just let the pain absorb into my body and concentrated on giving Him pleasure. When Sir had once again used me as much as He wanted to He pulled on the chain again and had me stand up. Then Sir removed the clamps one at a time.....taking the time to rub my nipple after taking it off. Omg....it hurts more coming of than going on. lol Plus with Sir rubbing my nipple i felt the pain spread all the way through my entire breast. i was split when He took off the other one....part of me was dreading how it was going to feel while at the same time, i liked the sensations of them coming off gave me. After they were off, Sir told me that i was a good girl and that i had done a great job. This entire scene was another long one....but it was wonderful in so many ways. i got to experience the flogger i hadn't tried yet, my pain tolerance was once again pushed, which cause different emotions and thoughts. i had my first pain induced orgasm (sort of...i would have to say that the pain pushed me over the edge for sure) and even asked to be cropped harder. Stepping outside my normal behavior was different but great and even Sir seemed happily surprised that i had asked for Him to go harder with the crop. Come to think of it, He teased me a couple of times about it....which made me smile and blush. Sir used the clamps, something that we hadn't done in a while and some where in the midst of serving Him, i made the choice to not ask Him to remove the clamps.....even though they hurt, my Master's pleasure out ranked my own, no doubt. my desire to please and serve Him was so much more important to me. i was very happy that i had done a good job and that i had pleased Him. Some of the things caused conflicts of the mind or body but i must say that i enjoyed every minute of it and was smiling quite a bit afterward. Overall the entire experience was wonderful and i am a lucky slave in my opinion.

The Pleasures of Pain: Onslaught

When the first swoop of the flogger hit me, i sucked in a breath with a hiss. That thing was so stingy on my ass....more so since what happened that morning. After about 30 seconds i found out how much i really wanted that to stop....so much. lol Each stroke felt like tiny bee stings on the parts of me that weren't sensitive and the places that were felt like needles were being run across them. Omg...i think that if i hadn't been so sensitive it might have felt different. After only a couple of minutes Sir stopped and pulled me to Him. He then asked how it felt and i replied that it was very stingy. He then asked me which i preferred....the flogger or the cane. i immediately said cane....the next thing i knew, Sir was once again gently pushing me against the wall and told me to take position. When i realized what He was going to do, i felt a wave of relief. There was no way the cane could be worse than the flogger at the time. Well......after the first 2 strokes i was wishing for the flogger again. lol The strikes echoed throughout my entire body, and with the third cane stroke i was flush against the wall. But Sir pushed me hard and fast...instead of giving me time to re-center my self i received an additional 2 strikes...while against the wall. Oh goodness that was different. The two stroke were sooo fast and hard and i had a small urge to yell...but it still felt so good. Go figure. lol But at the same time....i felt that emotional bridge falling down again. As i stood there hopping from foot to foot, praying that my Master was done, Sir gave me specific instructions. His tone of voice was soft and very stern which brought out in me instant obedience. He told me "I am going to give you three more and you are to count each one....present yourself and don't you dare move at all" As i am sure some of you know, it is amazing in how One can sound so stern and bring you into a state of unthinking obedience yet some place inside you turns into a big pile of aroused goo. So needless to say, my arousal level went up a bit. When i heard Him speak those words, i slowly put my hands on the wall and braced myself...not physically, but mentally. i knew about how much it was going to hurt so this way i could try to find a way to work through the pain. As stroke one fell, the words "one Sir" came out quickly and with each stroke my response was slower and slower. After number three had been given, i took a deep breath and right at that moment, Sir gave me a forth! "Ooowww... 4 Sir." Broken words....i was again being brought to the edge of my tolerance for pain. After that, Sir and i cuddled for a quick moment and then i found myself on all fours on His bed again. i am not sure if i heard it first or felt it first....but Sir had brought out the crop and struck one of the most tender spots i had (or at least it felt like it) hard and quick. my hands automatically grabbed His comforter as i made a squeak of pain.

The Pleasures of Pain

As our day came to an end, Sir and i went out to dinner. Afterwards Sir had the idea of going out for ice cream and i asked if i may bake Him some cookies instead....i love cooking or baking for Sir and was very happy when He gave me permission to do so. When we got into the house i started to make Him His cookies while He did other things around the house. When the cookies were done i asked Sir if i may please use the restroom....He gave permission and since i had to remove all of my clothing before i may use the bathroom and i was in Sir's house, i asked Sir if i may just stay naked for Him. It was getting a bit late and we went to go take a shower. The next thing i knew Sir told me to go and kneel in the shower which means only one thing....that Sir wanted to pee on me or to put it a more eloquent way, He wanted to travel further with our exploration of golden showers. The term golden showers is a term i am comfortable with.....although saying that He desires to pee on me or in my mouth is accurate, hearing it in such a blunt manner makes me feel funny. Kind of the same way saying cu*t for the first time did. Back to what happened. i knelt in the shower, wondering if this time Sir would have me open my mouth.....i am always a little nervous...not knowing exactly what Sir would ask me to do. As He approached the shower i couldn't stop the slight tremor running through my body as He pulled His cock out. He complained that peeing is difficult to do if He is getting hard, but i must admit that there was that hint of eroticism that left me feeling aroused in the middle of the submissive mindset that occurs every time as well. As He started to pee i took in a deep breath, closed my eyes and let myself relax. i open my mouth just a tiny bit....just enough for a little bit to get through but that was it. After Sir had finished, He helped me get the shower on, nice and warm and then He undressed and got in as well. One of the reasons i love being in the shower with Sir is because i have a very good chance of being able to bathe Him. There is something about being able to run my soapy hands down His body with care that fills a different aspect of my servitude to Him that i adore. i love being allowed to pay such rapt attention to His body....checking every curve and spot to make sure it has been properly washed makes my slave self go all fuzzy and warm inside. After showering, He and i both dried off and i was allowed to get ready for the night. (i.e. brush my teeth, brush my hair ect.) After Sir left the bathroom i finished up and then walked out to the hallway. i turned off the light to the bathroom and gently went to my knees to crawl into His bedroom. Every time as i am crawling to his bedroom, i sink into a wonderful state of submissiveness. By the time i actually get into His room and by His bed to go into pos. 6 it feels like heaven to be kneeling by His feet. Normally Sir does not keep me there for long, but this time He allowed me to stay there for a couple of minutes. When He told me stand up, i figured that He was going to tell me to get into bed, but my Master had other plans this night. He gently pushed me towards the wall and quietly told me to position myself. His voice, albeit quiet and kind, sent shivers through my body....commanding, one that was not giving options yet with a hint of seduction in it. (at least i think so lol) As i have said before, there are different tones to Sir's voice and that i react to them very much. Before i was against the wall though, i was able to take a glimpse of what was in His hand.....it was the flogger He had never used before, the one He said would sting quite a bit. my ass was pretty sore from what happened that morning but i honestly felt as though it wouldn't be too bad. After the first couple of strokes i discovered how wrong i was....