Defining Moments

Choice,
the act of choosing, the power to choose, to make a selection of preference, to select freely.

Submit,
to yield oneself to the will of Another, to permit oneself to be subjected to something, to consent to abide by the authority of Another

Decision,
the act or process of deciding, a determination arrived at after consideration

Believe,
to accept as true, genuine, or real, to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something, to accept the word or evidence

Trust,
assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone, one in which confidence is placed, something committed or entrusted to One to be used or cared for

Respect,
high or special regard, the quality or state of being esteemed

Honesty,
fairness and straightforwardness of conduct

Master,
a male Teacher, One having authority over another, One having control, an Owner especially of a slave or animal

slave,
one that is completely subservient to a Dominating influence

Surrender,
to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand, to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

Fear,
to be afraid or apprehensive , expect with alarm

Hesitation,
an act or instance of hesitating, to hold back from in doubt or uncertainty

Belong,
to be attached or bound by birth, allegiance, or dependency, to be an attribute, part, adjunct, or function of a person or thing

Content,
to appease the desires of

Be,
to have an objective existence, to have, maintain, or occupy a place, situation, or position, to equal in meaning

Definition,
a statement of the meaning of a word or word group or a sign or symbol, the action or the power of describing, explaining, or making definite and clear

Heart,
the emotional or moral as distinguished from the intellectual nature, one's innermost character, feelings, or inclinations, the essential or most vital part of something

The Choice is mine to make,
to Submit
The Decision to Believe,
in the Trust, Respect and Honesty in Him,
to call Him Master
to become His slave
and Surrender myself to Him
without Fear or Hesitation
for i Belong to Him
and it is at His feet
where i am most Content,
where i am meant to Be
by the Definition
of my Heart

From cuddles to submission

Well it has been decided...i am going to see Sir in a few weeks....i have not been able to see Him since i got sick. New job and other stuff have made the timing just awful to do so. So it will be almost 3 months since we have seen each other by the time i get down there. Way too much time apart but it can't be helped. Right now i am a mix of emotions. Definitely happy since the plans have now been made but also a little sad since it seems so far away. There are a lot of things that Sir wants to continue on in my training such as water sports and i must admit i am also quite anxious to resume my training in r/t with Sir. Let me get a little emotional on you and also say that lately i have been feeling a bit "cuddly". Now that is a little outside my normal realm of behavior but i suppose i could say i am discovering my softer side once again. i know i misplaced that somewhere! lol That i think would be a rather interesting entry...although i know it would require me to brutally honest about myself..which means i would have to divulge things about myself that i am a little uneasy about admitting. But you never know....i may do that one day. Back on subject...i was speaking with my sister sub dallas the other night and i told her that a big couch, big blanket, good movie and plenty of time to cuddle sounded like heaven to me. she mentioned that chocolate would be in order as well and i agreed with her....yep sounds great. Now that brings a wonderful, peace filled image to mind....dallas and i sitting on Sir's couch (with His permission of course) with one of our heads in His lap, the other's on His shoulder, just sitting there watching a movie.....calm and content, as i think our family should be. Okay can i fast forward the next few weeks? Please?? lol i am going to turn into such a baby....

There are two wonderful things about this upcoming visit that make me very very happy though. 1) i will be staying with Sir for pretty much a whole week and 2) dallas is going to come up for some of that visit was well. The first reason should go without saying....my little subbie brain has made plans. lol Although i may have a hard time admitting sexual desires, i seem to have no problem admitting service desires. i am so looking forward to doing my morning ritual every morning, making Sir His breakfast, making sure His house is spotless and clean smelling, having His lunch ready when He comes home on His lunch break and if He wishes to eat at the house for dinner, perhaps preparing dinner with Him. On that note as well, i told Sir that i would love to greet Him when He arrives back at His house in position 6, naked as He desires me to be when visiting Him. He added onto to that, that i will also be wearing the wrist and ankle cuffs the entire day (i am going to love that so much), that i also need to put my heels on by the time He comes home (i don't have to wear them while He is at work) and that my hair and makeup needs to be done by the time He arrives home for lunch.

Now being naked and in cuffs all day i know is going to put and keep me in such a wonderful head space, immersed in my submission to Sir. i will also add in that having cuffs on, while it puts me in that head space, it also is an arousal point with me. When Sir puts those on me i feel confident, empowered, sexy and sensual, relaxed, calm, happy and yet so utterly in my submission. i feel owned....and i love it. As for being presentable for His pleasure, which i can understand, quite frankly i would hate for Him to come home and see His submissive all messy....even if He lets me paint His kitchen (i have been dying to do that) i am sure i am intelligent enough to look at a clock and see i need to prepare His lunch, as well as myself, for when He gets home. Common sense i should think. But i am looking forward to that as well.

dallas coming and visiting as well during my visit with Sir would be so wonderful. A chance for all of us to get together and really be around each other as a family. From an emotional/mental standpoint there is still so much to learn about one another by interaction and discussions. As well as there are some fun activities planned...get your head out of the gutter...i'll get there in a minute. lol i am talking about perhaps a picnic, going and seeing some sites, watching movies...that kind of stuff. Now don't get me wrong i am sure none of us is going to get a whole bunch of sleep. lol There are things that Sir desires to do and a few ideas that He has asked dallas and i about. Not to mention some of the fantasies i have written in my blog.....that is going to be so much fun as well i think. dallas and i both get to submit to and serve Sir at the same time and He has told us both that He has plans to use us at the same time, watch one another receive erotic pain and loads of stuff. So yes, there is also a strong tone of the physical that will be occurring as well. And just for those who are curious, i am looking forward to exploring all of that with Sir and dallas as well.

Over all i think it is going to be a very long few weeks indeed. Sir had asked me to just write a "mini-entry" but i was so excited i started writing and couldn't stop. lol i miss serving and pleasing Sir very much and i am truly looking forward to doing so for a whole week. i will also admit that i miss Him as a person and friend. As for the physical side of things (i am trying to get better at this) i also miss cuddling with Him in bed, i miss getting spanked, i miss the flogger, cane, crop, rope, the harley, nipple torture, being allowed to suck His co*k.....okay pretty much everything. lol i am looking forward to bathing Him and drying Him off, giving Him massages and servicing Him in anyway He should desire. i miss feeling that D/s connection in r/t. i think i miss that the most.....Sir's Dominance isn't loud, but it's presence is strong, captivating, commanding and so very real. i miss my submission being used, stretched and strengthened by Sir in r/t as well. i could probably go on for a while about what i miss but i am sure you get the idea by now. But at least i have something to look forward to...something to focus on. Knowing that the plans are set and made calms some part of me. It is hard to explain but i feel calmer knowing that it won't be too much longer. i think my subbie side started to go a little nuts.....something i am sure Sir understands. This visit is going to be incredible in many ways and pardon me if i write about it once again as the time draws closer. But really, could you blame me?? lol

i've cum along way

This entry is about my growing ability to connect with my sexuality and the growth i have experienced with Sir in reaching orgasm. Whew... what a sentence huh? lol No doubt about it, there have been significant changes since i met Sir. i would say one of the most significant changes within myself is that i am no longer nervous about my sexuality. There were things about my sexual self, things i liked i.e. spanking, the thought of being held down, that although i knew were actually pretty normal and common, made me nervous because i did not understand them. So i never explored or connected with that part of my sexuality...instead i avoided it. Enter in Sir. lol If you remember reading in my blog about the first time i met Sir in r/t, the first time He tied me up i started to panic. But my submission kicked in and He became the strength i needed so badly to be able to relax and enjoy what He was doing. And enjoy it i did. i love it when Sir ties me up.....lol Okay, back on topic now. In meeting Sir and becoming His submissive, i am allowed to not only think about my sexuality, i am also encouraged to tell Him if there is something i am interested in trying. Still shy about that really....i can write about it, my fantasies, things i would like to try, but to actually say it out loud is something i am still working on. Recognizing and accepting aspects about my sexuality within myself i am doing so much better with....having to verbalize those desires is still kind of hard. i think that is because i do not want to come across as demanding or aggressive...because i am neither. That is a whole different entry though i think. The understanding and acceptance Sir shows me helps quite a bit. Things i once was nervous about admitting for fear of getting weird looks and comments, i don't with Sir. Back to the freedom that is within my submission to Sir. i know i will get more comfortable with time, even though it may be a slow road at times.
Now to orgasms.....goodness. i have said plenty of times before that having an orgasm was difficult before i met Sir. It was still kind of hard at first and Sir once told me that having an orgasm is also very mental and that i was most likely putting up a "wall" of some sort. Still working on that to be honest, but with His careful guidance i have come a long way. (no pun intended..lol) Now, when He uses me in that fashion, although it took some time to train myself to do, my mind stays relaxed and having an orgasm is much easier to do. i am not saying that it is easy all the time, but much easier than before. Also in my growth with orgasms with Sir, i have learned to notice when i start to get "close" and how to hold an orgasm off without losing it. When Sir started to train me to cum on command for Him, it came as a surprise the first time He did it. Read "climax control" for the whole story. Now it is something i enjoy every much. i will also say that in relaxing my mind and body my orgasms are now much more intense than before and while i love cumming really hard, i enjoy it even more so because it pleases Sir. It is astounding (to me anyways) how far i have come with my sexuality and orgasms with Sir guidance. i know there are still many other things Sir wishes to show and teach me, more ways to grow and expand, and i can't wait to learn.

Obedience vs. Concern

This entry is about where should a submissive draw the line between obedience and concern. This conversation came up between Sir and i last night because i made the choice to call Him to make sure the He was okay. He had a busy day and told me He was going to sit down and watch a movie. i became concerned that He fell asleep in His chair and debated for about 45 minutes whether or not i should call Him. i am not supposed to call Him unless He instructs me to and i did not wish to disobey His command, but was worried that if He did indeed fall asleep in His chair, He would wake up sore and uncomfortable. In the end i made the choice to call Him just to be sure, having made the decision that i would rather Him be mad at me and possible give me a punishment, then have Him wake up stiff and sore. What a choice to have to make. He was not angry with but i did have to explain why i had chosen to call Him at such a late hour. Here is the line that had to be drawn within myself. Obedience or concern for my Sir's well being. How can a submissive make that choice? Normally in any situation where i ask myself, what would Sir wish for me to do, my submission to Him answers for me. But in this case, for the first time, my submission was split both ways. As His submissive, i am to follow and obey His rules. However on the flip side, as His submissive, i also need to make sure that He is comfortable, happy and pleased. Some people may say, just let Him sleep, you don't want to get into trouble, or give another reason as to why i should not. As you all know i take my submission very seriously and therefore i am always on the lookout for ways to serve or please Sir in anyway that i can. If i were at His house and He fell asleep in His big chair (that chair is sooo comfortable lol) i would wake Him up with no hesitation. So why the pause and contemplation this time? Simple, because if i were at His house i could assess the situation based on what i knew...in this situation i did not know if He had fallen asleep or not. So it was like taking a shot in the dark. For all i knew, in calling Him, i could be disturbing Him in some fashion or worse, if He decided to got to bed, waking Him up would not be a good thing at all. i am sure there are others who have been in similar situations, their submission pulling them in both directions. It is times like those when carefully weighing the odds and making sure not to equate in personal desires can be difficult. How does one tell the difference? i think in a situation like that, it is imperative that you make sure the choice that you make is one based on the comfort and pleasure of your Dominant. But again, back to obedience.....what i did was a direct violation of Sir's rules. i knew it when i made that choice. i was not punished, thankfully, but Sir has always been very understanding. Does the fact that i was concerned negate the fact that i disobeyed Him? Not a chance, being concerned may make it understandable to certain degree, but not okay. So how and when does a submissive make that choice? Whether it be something as simple of where her Dominant is sleeping, or something more serious, i can see how making a decision like this is hard to do. Either way it goes, when you have to make a decision such as this, you may be taking the chance of being punished or scolded, if in making sure everything is okay, you have to disobey your Dominant to do so. i, for one, would be happy to never have to feel the need to contemplate between the two.

Things to cum

This is a blog entry of Sir's suggestion because soon our poly family will be together in r/l for the first time. Sir was curious as to know what toys (new and old) i would like to experiment with Him and dallas. Sir tells me that i will probably be made to kneel and watch Him give dallas a spanking so i can be around the sights and sounds of dallas receiving erotic pain. i happen to think that spanking is erotic all by itself, so that particular image does cause arousal for me. Sir also asked me to write about some things i would like to experience with Him and dallas as well. Sir gave me permission to let my imagination run wild so if this starts to sound like a script for porn, just sit back, relax and enjoy what goes on in my head at Sir's prodding. lol Let's start with the toys shall we hmm? So many to choose from...where's a subbie to start? How about the....harley. Oh yes, that would be so much fun. i would love to bring her to orgasm with Sir watching. (yes, Sir is in the middle of everything....now that brings interesting images to mind but you'll have to wait for part 2 for that..i know..i’m evil lol) Dildos would be very fun although my brain is leaning towards a harness with a dildo attachment. dallas and i could see what it is like from Sir's perspective....i can almost imagine Sir laughing at my awkwardness the first time i try that with His permission...if i ever stop laughing myself. i always get giggly when i try something new, and i think that looking down and seeing a dildo protruding from my groin area might just send me onto the floor in a fit of laughter. Or it could go in the opposite direction and i just may only feel extremely aroused knowing what i am about to do. Never know till you try it right? Being on the receiving end might be a little nerve wracking at first....Sir watching dallas fu*k me with a dildo would be something totally out of my realm, something i have only thought about from time to time. i have a feeling that some of my boundaries will be pushed past in this visit. More on that in part 2. What else...ahh, a double headed dildo. i am sure you probably know how that works but in case you don't allow me to give you a visual. i see that working in two ways. Number one..dallas and i both in pos.8 and Sir slipping just the head of the dildo in each of our cu*ts and telling us to back up towards each other until our asses touch and then holding it while she and i fu*k ourselves on it. The other way would be us laying on our backs, legs spread, possibly tied that way, although i think being able to rub our cu*ts up against each other would be very erotic really. i wonder if any one has invented to double headed vibrator yet....talk about possibilities...lol. i am now thinking of the harley with two sides...omg. lol i am getting this wonderful picture of dallas and i on our backs presenting our cu*ts to Sir and rubbing them up and down on the vibe. Total abandonment...the only sounds in the room is mine and dallas' moans and gasps and Sir's voice telling us what to do and asking us what we are. Oh boy. Another item i think would be fun would be a blindfold. Just read "fantasy". dallas had some of her own ideas to share! In her fantasy i was also blindfolded. i think it could be very interesting for both us to be blindfolded, kneeling on Sir's bed, naked with Sir just watching. The only thing we would be able to do is hear each others moans and gasps, feel our bodies rub, slide and grind against each others. The possibility of Sir adding His hands to the mix of everything is enough to make me remind myself i am on restriction. lol Hmm..i could picture dallas and i blindfolded, kissing and running our hands down each others bodies and suddenly we each feel one of Sir's hands at the back of our necks, pulling our hair and faces away from each other. He kisses us both, who first we can't tell and it doesn't matter. His voice deep, commanding and like silk with sexual promise shoots our arousal levels through the roof. The feel of His hands on our bodies effects us both like a drug. we are His, for His pleasure and His use. He moves in between us so His front is facing dallas and His back is facing me. dallas runs her hands over His chest, down His stomach, to His cock and back up. she starts to lightly kiss His body, neck, shoulders, chest while one of her hands reaches down and start to slowly stroke His cock. He growls deep in His throat in arousal and made bold buy His reaction she starts to stroke His cock a bit harder. While facing His back, i start to run my hands up and down His back and lightly rake my fingernails over His ass. i let my breast and nipples lightly caress His back and i ease my body down further so i may gently kiss His ass cheeks while running my hands over His thighs. All dallas and i can do is feel, hear and smell Sir's body. He tell dallas to suck His cock and as she takes Him into her mouth i lay down on my back and ease my self so that my mouth is at Sir's balls. While she pleasures Him in one way, i am doing so in the other. my hands continue to trail up and down Sir's back and ass while Sir grasps dallas' hair and starts to deeply fu*k her throat......well, as you can see blindfolds could be very fun. i think i might elaborate on that fantasy more later, other wise i will never get this done. lol Well i am not sure what could top what i just wrote so i think i will finish part one on that note. Part two will be more about what i think would be fun to experience as a threesome and how outside my normal realm i may be taken and how i feel about it. Will write more soon i promise.

public arousal or can you see my nipples

Ok, as i promised here is entry about the task Sir gave dallas and i yesterday. Here were my instructions. i was not to wear any underwear and i was to have my remote egg in my cu*t from the time i leave my house. i was to go to another "toy" store to look for a bigger butt plug. The only time i was to turn it on is when i left my car to enter the store until i returned to my car after shopping for the new plug. i was to put the speed on low from the time i exit my car until i was actually looking at butt plugs. From the moment i began looking at the plugs i was to turn the vibe to medium until i decided on one. i then was to turn the vibe to high, take the plug to the cashier and buy it. After it had been bought (and i am still in the store) i was allowed turn the vibe back on low until i was once again in my car. After putting on my seat belt, i was to turn the vibe off. When i got home i was then allowed to take out the vibe and write about this task.

This was a little difficult for me in some ways, because i got very aroused and very wet while doing this. i wasn't worried about the noise level of the plug since it is actually pretty quiet but the feelings of arousal became apparent. All of this occurred with the vibe on low. lol i was done for before i even entered the store, and i knew it. When i started to look at the plugs i couldn't do to much since my vibe has two speeds- low/med and high. So i had no choice but to keep the vibe at it's current setting. i think that may have been worse then turning it up because part of me was really wishing i could have. lol i have to be honest. i squatted down from time to time to look at what they had (which wasn't much) and every time my legs would spread and my cu*t would tighten without me thinking about it. Which caused an increase of sensations for a very brief amount of time. Looking at the plugs, my thoughts like yesterday, would drift to Sir and my mind kept falling into the submissive gutter. (i know i have been saying that a lot lately lol) It was really hot out today so i was wearing a tank top that you can't wear a bra with and my nipples got hard in the store. The lady kept looking at me and when i realized why, part of me wanted to turn red and run out of the store. The other part of me, my exhibitionist side which Sir has greatly helped me discover, got a little naughty and i thought "if only you knew what i was thinking about right now" and then i got an image of her looking shocked and i almost laughed out loud. Well i couldn't find a larger plug at this store either, so i didn't get to turn the vibe on high...i told Sir after i bought the new egg vibe i used today, that it felt like an energizer bunny. i can say that it is more powerful than my old one and the vibrations i was feeling with it just on low/med i could feel from my cu*t to my ass. In order to turn the vibe off i had to click the button which sends it to high, so i clicked that button pretty quickly to turn it off. i sat in my car, seat belt buckled and just took a moment to breath. my body was running on high from the stimulation of the vibe and wanted more so i took a moment to calm down. i thought about Sir and focused in on my submission and drew a sense of calmness and strength from it. i took a deep breath, giggled and drove home.

Overall, it was a fun task to do for Sir and i had quite a few different thoughts during the whole time. i would say i used my submission the most at the very end. Being honest, i was tempted to see what the vibe felt like on high and yes i had the urge to move my hips for the second or two i was back in my car and the vibe was still on. But this is where my submission to Sir comes into play. i wasn't able to buy a new plug, so i couldn't turn it on high while i was buying it and i am on restriction and moving my hips while seated in my car (even if only for a second or two) would have been in direct violation of my restriction. So i didn't. Simple as that. lol Still had a lot of fun doing the task Sir gave me though, as always. i also can't help but wonder how dallas did.......

Waddling can be fun

Today Sir gave me a task to do for Him. i had some things to do with work stuff today and Sir had me bring my butt plug and lube with me in my purse. After completing all the things associated with work i was to insert the plug. i then was to go to the "toy" store and buy a new egg vibe and a new butt plug, one size bigger than the one i have now. When i got home i was to take out the plug and write Sir telling Him that i was home. Well now for the good parts. lol
It has been a while since Sir has given me a task like this so i was pretty excited to do this for Him. Knowing that the plug was in my purse made me smile and i felt the thrill of anticipation run through me. It had been a while since i used my butt plug and i wasn't sure if it being in there for possibly a long period of time was going to be easy. i was at the mall when i finished my errands so i went into the bathroom to put it in and i realized that i needed to pee. i still have to strip whenever i use the restroom so i stripped in the bathroom stall. Even though i had done this before, it had been a while since I completely stripped in a public bathroom and memories of doing it for the first time came back. lol So i was in the bathroom, naked, with a butt plug in my purse and i was nervous. The same feeling of possibly getting caught, the urge to pull my clothes on quickly and the omg mind set...everything hit at once and i wanted to giggle so badly. To make matters worse the bathroom was full of people. lol So i inserted the butt plug (it took a little longer to do than usual) put my clothes back on and washed my hands. i was wearing pants and underwear so i wasn't nervous about it feeling like it was falling out, but as always, i felt like i was waddling a little bit. lol i went into my car, sat down and was instantly reminded why driving with a butt plug in is a bit nerve wracking. i kept shifting my weight and was so happy to get to the "toy" store. lol i wasn't nervous about walking in there like last time, if anything i looked at a few items around the vibes and plugs and wondered what Sir's opinion of some of these things would be. i managed to find another egg vibe but i couldn't find a plug that was bigger than mine. Trust me when i say mine isn't all that big, so i was a little surprised that i could not find one. After purchasing the egg vibe i got back into my car, shifted around some more and drove home as i was instructed. When i got home, i needed to use the restroom once again so i stripped before taking out the plug. That was a little uncomfortable to do to be honest but i still enjoyed it. i will admit that having the plug in also got me pretty aroused and a couple of times my mind started to fall into the submissive gutter but i managed to pull myself out. Now i am blushing. lol i then of course washed my hands and the plug before putting it safely back into my drawer. i took a deep breath, signed onto my messenger and Sir messaged me to say hello and we briefly discussed my day so far. We did not have much time to speak with one another but i told Sir that i would write about this task as soon as i could.
Overall i would have to say that the experience as a whole wasn't extremely trying of my submission to Sir, but rather more of a wonderful reminder. As i said, with everything that has happened lately, getting sick, changing jobs, it has been a while since i was given a task like this by Sir and it felt very good to do. i guess sometimes even i need a "refresher course". From excitement, anticipation, nervousness, getting the giggles to being a little uncomfortable in my car, were all reminders. i will say that doing this task also sort-of centered me a bit. i have been feeling a little off with everything since i got sick, but doing this for Sir brought back quite a few memories, definite feelings of submission and a smile to my face. It is amazing how something so small, such as wearing a butt plug out in public, can remind someone of 101 things all at once. For the rest of the day my mind wandered to Sir and to my submission to Him. How it has grown, become stronger and more beautiful with increasing understanding and depth. Even though it may be something small, it always gives me great pleasure to serve Sir and do as He instructs me to. Since i was not able to find a bigger plug today, Sir is sending me out tomorrow to try again, with another task from Him. The really interesting part is that He gave me the same task He gave dallas, so she and i will be doing identical tasks tomorrow. i am sure Sir will enjoy reading each of our perceptions on this task. Yet another thing for me to look forward to tomorrow and i know i will be thanking Sir once again for the task that He gave me. Don't worry...i will write about it, i promise.

masochism

This is a blog entry that Sir gave me to do today. He asked me to write about what i thought was my most memorable S/m experience he gave me therefore describing the S/m part of our D/s dynamic. Even when i had made the decision to find out more about this lifestyle, i never considered myself masochistic. In fact, i was more afraid of being pushed too hard in that realm more than anythings else. i have learned quite a bit about myself in that area, well, a lot in general actually and i have come to discover that i am masochistic after all. lol So i think in this entry i will describe three of my most memorable experiences.... although they are very similar in some ways, in others they are very different.

The first one is when i was flogged for the very first time. Sir tells me the He actually gave me a pretty hard flogging. i will say that yes, it hurt. i will also add that part of me liked it very much. i think that is when i actually discovered my masochistic side. i remember at times thinking that i was not sure if i could handle much more, but i was afraid to admit that. Because of this, looking back, i did not let myself go and allow myself to feel. Lets fast forward a bit shall we? There was another scene that Sir and i did where He took a wooden shish-ka-bob skewer, bent it backwards, let it go and it would snap against the skin of my inner thigh. This time Sir had me count each one. It ended up being 50 on each thigh. By the time Sir was almost done it was very hard to count each one, yet still i was reluctant admitting that it hurt. Afterward, Sir sat me down and we had a discussion about said scene. i told Him that part of me was afraid of admitting that it hurt, because even though it hurt, i enjoyed it, and i was afraid that He would stop if i cried out or said stop. He reiterated that we have a safe word for that purpose. So i can yell and say stop or say anything else without Him stopping. He also told me that just because i may say something does not mean He will stop, He will push me as far as He thinks i can go at the time and will stop if He sees me becoming overwhelmed or if i use our safe word. That alleviated a lot of my worries to be honest. Fast forwarding yet again. lol Now onto another very memorable scene. That was this past visit when Sir gave me my 20 cane strokes i had earned. i was filled with anticipation about this one. i remembered the conversation that Sir and i had about me admitting that something hurt and i had made the decision not to put my guard up. Sir gives me that safe place for a reason and this time i was not going to try being strong. Sir had me count these strokes as well. He had me stand in front of a wall, put my hands on it and present myself. This means i am to stick my ass out with my back arched and i am not to anticipate any stroke. At first this wasn't so bad. But around cane stroke number 7, i started to really feel it. By number 10 i was reacting quite a bit, by 12 or 13 i was making noise. i remember miscounting somewhere and i earned myself another cane stroke. i remember somewhere around number 16 Sir getting His bigger cane and part of me did not want to move away from the wall. i had my entire body pressed up against the wall... trying to somehow avoid the next stroke. lol Sir told me to present myself....twice. i did as i was told and i really wanted to cry. Don't get me wrong, part of me really wanted what Sir was doing.....just that one other part of me wanted to cry. i presented myself and i felt Him slowly slide the bigger cane across my upper thighs, right below the swell of my ass. It was cool against my thighs and i could feel the weight and thickness difference against my skin. Part of me wanted to beg Him to use the smaller one and the other part of me was filling with anticipation. lol i was torn..... Well Sir gave me the last couple of cane strokes and i remember Him guiding me to His bed and sitting me on His lap. During this entire time, Sir would periodically check to see if i was okay. He would stop and look at my face, say good girl when i presented myself for another stroke. As i sat in His lap, i was shaking a little bit but i calmed down pretty quickly. Sir and i talked a little bit about what had happened and how He and i felt about the scene and did a little cuddling before resuming our other activities in His house.

Each time i go and visit Sir, every time He pushes me just a little bit farther, that wall of self defense, that mindset that i can always take more and that fear of crying gets broken down more and more. The S/m part of our D/s dynamic has slowly been building. Sir has never pushed me too fast too far and i know He is always careful not to do so. i know He watches me carefully always judging how i am reacting, reading my body language. Sir, i think, has become very proficient at that since i am not very verbal. Getting there though with His patience and support. Which is something else i am always thankful for. The emotions, as you have read, are sometimes complex during a scene where Sir pushes me just a little bit further, but afterward i know i can always speak to Sir about what i was feeling and thinking. As i travel further down this road or exploration of D/s, S/m, erotic pain, service and a whole bunch more with Sir, i find myself always looking forward to taking that next step with Sir guiding me. So as always the journey continues.

Random

This blog is all about everything. The first thing i am touching on is restriction. In this case, the restriction Sir placed upon me to not masturbate in any way unless i either have His express permission or if He is using me. i will say i really like being on restriction. Before i met Sir i would masturbate about twice a month....i just didn't find any enjoyment in it to be honest. i had a hard time having an orgasm and would get bored quickly. Yes, i know....i've changed... a lot. lol i am very happy about that as well. Sir took me off restriction once for about 2 weeks as a reward, He thought i was ready and i was. i just did not like having that freedom. Now that is something i wouldn't have thought about saying 6 months ago. lol The only rules Sir gave me during that period of time was 1) when i was ready to climax i had to say to myself 'may Your slut please cum for You Sir" and 2) the next time i contacted Him in any way i was to give a full detailed description of what i was thinking, what toys i used, what position i was in, everything. So that made it definitely more interesting, more so since i am still a little shy when talking about the physical stuff, but then as you have read many times before, that is when i use my submission. i was very happy when Sir brought it up and we talked about it. i was a little hesitant about admitting that i liked being on restriction but Sir understood and put me back on it. So now i am on restriction all the time and i couldn't be happier.

About being used...that is something else i greatly enjoy. Not because i am being used but because i am pleasing Sir. After giving it some thought (i have been having a lot of those lately, hence this blog entry) i have found there is only one way i would not enjoy being used by Sir. That would be if Sir felt He needed to. To me there is a difference. i wish for Sir to use me because it pleases Him. It is something He desires to do, for whatever reason at the time but it something that He desires, He wants. i would never want Him to feel obligated to use me or do it because it is something He felt He needed to do. Sir needs to do His dishes (if i am not there to do them-which is something i also enjoy doing for Sir- but i'll get to that in a minute) but that doesn't mean He enjoys doing it. See what i am saying? That is one thing as you all know that i focus on...Sir's pleasure. Put it bluntly, if He is not pleased or having a good time then neither am i.

Now, about doing His dishes. lol To me that goes under service. Doing His dishes for Him gives me almost as much pleasure as being allowed to dry Him off after His shower....even better if i am allowed to bathe Him first. Doing His dishes isn't nearly as erotic although since i do them naked that adds something to it. lol i will just come out and say i love taking care of Sir. Making breakfast, doing His dishes, helping Him clean, lightly massaging His head while he is sitting at His desk....all that stuff. i am humbled sometimes knowing He could command me to not do those things. Come to think of it, that would probably be an excellent punishment, so i am thankful that He allows me to do so. There was a blog that Sir and i got involved with reading in which a submissive's punishment for something was that she had to stay clothed, couldn't speak to her Mistress and generally was not allowed to serve or submit in any fashion. she said that that was the worst punishment ever and i tend to agree. Serving Sir in any way He allows makes me very happy and feel complete and i would not know what to do with myself if He ever felt He needed to go to that extreme as a form of punishment. i shudder to think what i would have to do wrong to deserve that. So i strive for perfection...although i know that i never will be and have accepted that, as Sir says, as long as i truly try my best, then He is happy. i know.... i'm lucky and happy. lol

Now, time for definitions. lol i am writing this mainly because Sir had me do some affirmations last night while in position 6 before my meditation. While in meditation i started to define my affirmations on how they were used in our dynamic in my perception. So here goes.
"What are you for?" "I am for Your pleasure Sir." In my mind (keep in mind these are just my perceptions please) this means that my mind, my speech, my personality, my core self, is for Sir's pleasure. He likes to teach me new things and watch my knowledge and understanding grow, He insists that i have a brain and had better use it. So watching my growth in understanding also pleases Him.
"What is your body for?" "my body is for Your use Sir." This entails more than just pleasure and pain. More than bondage and all the fun stuff Sir likes to do. lol This also means my time and energy. i know that that may go without saying for some, but i thought it important to put it down. And not just energy for the fun stuff, but the energy to serve without fail, whether i am with Him or not. This also means i would never get a piercing or any other type of marking with out His express permission. This also ties in with restriction.
"Who do you obey?" "i obey only You Sir." This i really shouldn't have to comment on but i will anyway. i have no intention or desire what so ever to obey someone else. my submission is singular, only for One. Some might say, what if another Dominant told you to do something? Sir knows how hardheaded i can be when it comes to things, so i would say i would only obey that Dominant if Sir told me to. But even then, in my mind, i would not be obeying the Dominant, i would be obeying Sir and His desires, no matter the situation. Whether it be a dinner party or any other social situation.
"Who do you belong to?" "i belong to You Sir." i belong to Sir, no one else. Pure and simple.
"What are you?" "i am Your slut Sir." This occurs only when He is using me. Some may think it self explanatory and in some ways it is. But let me expand further on this. When Sir asks me that question, it is almost like Him telling me that it is okay to lose control, to give in to what i am feeling and to submit to Him on that level. He wants me to be wanton and open, unafraid and unashamed of the desire coursing through my body. i will admit sometimes Sir doesn't have to ask that question, i will say it of my own volition, just because it feels right to say so to Him. At those times when He commands me to, i am His slut in anyway He should ever desire and truly proud of it too.
"What are you?" "i am Your submissive Sir." This pertains to everything above and then some.
Being Sir's submissive is one aspect of my life, my personality, a part of who i am as a whole, that is for Him and Him alone. Out here in the "vanilla" world, i am many other things and i have been able to merge the two very well. As Sir has said before, being submissive is only one part of who i am. i am also a daughter, friend to others and many more things. But my submission is a part of me that i cherish very much. i can say it has only added greatly to my life and personality through gaining understanding of myself. i am proud to call myself His submissive, although perhaps one day soon i will respond to that statement with "i am Your slave Sir."

Overall, i have come far in my journey and Sir's patience and guiding hand have only made it so much better. i will continue to strive for perfection and desire Sir's guidance and lessons. What a journey to go on.....and as always, there is more to come.

Coming together or should i say cumming together?

Sir told dallas and i that He desired to use both of us on the phone at the same time Sunday. Using both of us on the phone at the same time was Sir's continuation of bringing unity to our developing poly family.... and that is what my title of this entry is about. i am not completely sure how dallas felt about it but she seemed very excited. i know for myself that i was feeling that thrill of anticipation mixed with a little nervousness and excitement. i wasn't sure exactly how things were going to play out or what Sir was going to do. i used to say that knowing what what was going to happen made it more exciting, but i have come to realize that not knowing what is going to happen, although it still makes me hyper aware and a little nervous, is also exciting. So although i knew what was going to happen, i did not know how or when it would start or what Sir would decide that we do. Well i soon found out. Sir had me start by turning on my egg vibe and placing it against my clit. He then asked dallas what she would like to do to me. As much as i am sure you all would love it, this blog entry is not going to be very descriptive physically. While Sir used me and had dallas describe what she would like to do to me, i was a bit torn. Part of me wanted to sink into the place Sir can guide me to, a place where conscious thought takes a back seat and i respond on instinct and instruction. The other part of me really wanted to focus on what dallas had to say. So i kind of did both. i do not think i was completely successful at it since sometimes dallas' words blurred a little some times but she was descriptive enough to where i could see it in my imagination. From time to time Sir would interrupt her to instruct me to do something different. When He told me to put the vibe in my cu*t i thought that i was going to cum on the spot, but i didn't which is a good thing since i know i am to ask permission to cum for Him. After a little bit Sir had dallas put her vibe on her clit and she started moaning. Not long after i was asking Sir if His slut may please cum for Him and dallas soon followed in asking Him the same. we both thanked Him for using us and allowing us to cum for Him and i thought that perhaps Sir was done, but i was wrong. lol He continued to use dallas and asked me if i was sensitive to which i replied "yes Sir." So He had me start fu*king myself again with the egg vibe on my clit and He had dallas and i just listen to each other while giving instructions. He then decided to tell us what He would like to do to us when we are all together. Oh goodness.....Sir has a very vivid imagination and i heard that intensity enter His voice. i can't say it was all incredibly obvious at the time but i have heard it enough to recognize it. i am pretty sure dallas picked up on it as well. As He was describing and i was getting a very vivid picture in my head, i could hear dallas in the background. i was getting closer to another orgasm when i heard dallas ask permission if His slut may please cum for Him. He told her not yet. i listened to her and probably within thirty seconds i needed to ask Sir if His slut may please come for Him. Sir got quiet for a few seconds then said "dallas, chai....cum" All i can say is wow. lol dallas and i came at the same time, on command, and i loved it. i can only imagine what Sir was hearing. Afterwards she and i both thanked Sir for using us and allowing us to cum for Him. He told us "good girls" and that He had a wonderful time and was really pleased with us. Thus started a discussion about other things before Sir said goodnight and headed to bed.

That was the physical, now it is time for the mental/emotional aspect. Although i was excited to do this for Sir i also must admit that when it actually started to happen i got a bad case of the giggles. That usually happens when i get nervous. As i always do when i get nervous, i pull from my submission to push past those feelings. i was able to relax pretty quickly though and just feel and respond so i am happy about that. Hearing dallas was fun and erotic and Sir being in the middle is never a bad thing. i now understand what Sir means when he says that all us being together in real time will deepen our connection with each other. i must agree that would be an excellent thing.

Fantasy

This is a blog entry that Sir gave me. As we spoke last night i told Him i wanted to write about something and i did not know what. So Sir threw out a couple of ideas for me. So what i am writing about today is my aggressiveness towards the female gender. As you all know i am very submissive to Sir and shy when it comes to males. But with females there is a different tone within me... one that likes to Dominate to a certain extent. Way back when i was an active bi-sexual i was usually the "top" in the relationship. i suppose this is because i have always been mature for my age and a very strong person in general, and as bad as it sounds to admit this, i viewed most of my girlfriends weaker than me. So i became their protector, the strong logical one. Now let's mix up a bit for you. Ready?? lol Even thought i was the "top" i was always still very much the "bottom" Confused yet? Yes, i was the one who made the decision in the relationship, i was the one who initiated sex 90% of the time, i was the one who they asked to go do stuff. But, every decision i made was with their happiness in mind, not my own. i approached them sexually if i thought that was what they wanted and i usually agreed to go do what ever they wanted to do. Talk about role-reversal! lol they were topping from the bottom and i was bottoming from the top. That's what happens when you have NO idea what you are doing. lol All of this just tells me that i have always been submissive, it just took me quite a few years and Sir's help to completely figure it out. Now, when i write that i have a Domme streak in me, it is now more defined. i, if ever put in that situation, would still wish to ensure Sir's and in this case, dallas' pleasure. That is just who i am and i am rather happy about that. Sir also asked me to write about a situation i could see myself in. Something i would do to dallas, with Sir watching and present. So deep breath....and here goes.
In that situation i would see dallas, blindfolded, kneeling, preferably in Sir's living room, in front of His fire place. In my imagination, the fire is burning...i wouldn't want dallas to get cold...see...i'm nice...really. lol That and a naked girl in front of a roaring fire can't be a bad thing. So i am going to start off from there. In my imagination, dallas is just kneeling there and Sir is sitting comfortably on His couch, just watching. my heart is pounding but i am also aroused. i kneel quietly behind her and slowly run my fingers through her hair, trailing slowly down her back, just to the swell of her ass. i let my hands follow the natural curve of her body, trailing my hands to her knees and slowly back up to her hips. i very gently begin kissing the back of her neck, across her shoulders, as i let my hands languidly start upward. Barely grazing my fingertips up over her upper thighs, to her lower abdomen. her breath quickens and her nipples begin to grow hard. Sir leans back and settles further into His couch, His eyes taking in every movement i make and dallas' chest as her breath quickens. i meet His gaze and He gives me a small smile in approval. i start to run my fingertips further up her stomach where i come to the bottom of her breasts. i have my fingers follow the underside curve up to the top of her breasts where my fingers run down her breasts to her nipples. my fingers part so i do not touch her nipples, and instead just circle them. she starts to arch her back for more contact and i gently pull her hair to keep her in place. she starts to softly moan as i continue my slow gentle assault on her body. Gently nipping on her neck from times to time as i sometimes pull her hair or run my hands down her body. Finally my hands lands on her breasts again, only this time i run my fingertips over her nipples which are already sensitive and hard. i roll her nipples in my fingers and gently pull on them. dallas' moans get louder and hips start to gently rock. Sir, who has been watching intently leans forward and gets that look in His eye. He stands up and kneels in front of dallas and puts one hand on each of her knees. He then slowly spreads her legs and while looking into my eyes, takes my hand and places it on her cu*t. "Do a check for me." He says. my heart rate soars as i do as i am told. "9 Sir" i whisper. "Rub her clit in slow circles" He instructs. i swallow deeply and have the urge to giggle but again i do as i am told. my arousal probably matches dallas' by this time and the intensity of the moment runs through me. As i put a finger on each side of her clit and begin to rub it as i was told, dallas moans louder. Sir put one of His hands behind her head and pulls her hair a bit rougher than i did and asks her "What are you?" she replies in a breathless whisper, "i am Your slut Sir." He pulls a bit and harder and whispers into her ear "Good girl." He looks at me over her shoulder and while my hand keeps moving the rest of me freezes. The look in His eyes is hard and intense. With His other hand He grabs me too by the hair and pulls me to meet Him at dallas' shoulder and kisses me a bit roughly. dallas' hears this and lets out a breathless moan. Sir releases me and tells me "faster." i rub dallas' clit faster and her moans get a little louder. While i am still rolling and pulling on her nipple and rubbing her clit, Sir grabs her by the neck and too, kisses her roughly. He then takes off her blindfold and tells me to kneel in front of her. she and i are now both naked, kneeling in front of each other and Sir goes and sits in His "big chair" so He is facing our profiles. He asks me "What would you like to do chai?" i think, and then answer, "i would like to kiss her Sir." He waits a few moments and then replies, "How do you ask?" my head lowers out of sudden shyness and out not asking properly in the first place. i say to Him "i am sorry for not asking properly the first time Sir. may i please have permission to kiss her Sir?" He replies "Good girl and yes, you may have permission." "Thank You Sir." i reply back. i lean forward to dallas' and our lips meet. Slow and hesitant at first and then with increasing pressure. i have the urge to hold her face and run my finger through her hair, but i do not move for i do not have permission. i sense the same thing from dallas and as Sir watches, He sees our increasing restlessness. He allows us to explore each others lips, tongues and mouths at our own pace and when we part He asks "What do you say?" dallas replies, "Thank You Sir for giving chai permission to kiss me." my reply is similar. "Thank You Sir for giving me permission to kiss dallas." Sir smiles and once again says "Good girls." He looks at us for a second and then rather suddenly commands us to stand up. "Both of you....go to the foot of my bed and kneel in pos.6 "Yes Sir." we reply and move without hesitation. What will happen in His room we do not know. All we know is this, we are His, for His pleasure and His use and we couldn't be happier.

Well there it is folks...as with every little fantasy i have, i just have to bring Sir right into the middle of it. lol This was supposed to be what i would do to dallas with Sir watching but my brain fell into the submissive gutter and i couldn't get my brain off of Sir. So i just went with it but i like it. This was very arousing to write and now i am very horny. lol Deep breaths...as you probably do not know i am on restriction, meaning i cannot masturbate unless Sir is using me or He gives me express permission. i actually rather like that really. But as with some entries, i will leave it at that and if Sir gives His permission, perhaps write an entry about that as well sometime. Hmmm, i really should stop re-reading this.....lol. As you can tell, there is a very strong tone of Sir's Dominance over both of us in this and i rather think that that is how it should be. i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it. Is there a sequel in the works? Not yet but you never know.....

slave thoughts cont.

This is more about slave thoughts really. Things i have had the time to think about and form opinions of. my last entry about being a slave still stands in a very big way. i have come to realize that i am what i wrote in my entry. i am so honored and pleased that Sir has been able to explore His own boundaries and limits and allow me to be there on the way. i have also come to realize the main reason why i am so determined to wait until i am sure before asking His permission to become His slave, why i take the title so seriously. From the beginning, when Sir and i first discussed me being a slave, i did not understand why there was a need for a contract. i understand it now and it makes logical sense. Wisdom at it's finest, it ensures choices of both parties, and if Sir desired a contract, i would sign one with no hesitation. However, although i understand now, back then i did not see the point and with myself, i still don't.If i were to become slave, it would be a permanent thing, as long as Sir desired me at His feet, i would be there.i would be Sir's, in every sense. i would be owned, with no intention of ever asking for my "freedom". i know what i am speaking of, i know exactly what i would be asking for. Sir would still wish for me to finish school, to have a career, to have a brain and use it. He would still want me to be my own person, to have my opinions, to be strong, determined and optimistic.As Sir has said before, He already owns a couple of dogs. lol When looking at it from that perspective, my slavery to Him would not be much different than my submission, on the outside anyways. But on the inside, how i feel and think, there would be a significant difference. He would never have to ask me to sign a contract for another 6 months or anything like that, although He may anyways. The point is, He would never need to ask, or wonder about my submission. He once told me that one of the reasons why there is a contract is because a slave may wish to no longer be bound to her Master. To me that defeats the purpose of being a slave in the first place, there should be no question about it. Maybe i am old-fashioned but that is what i see within myself. Do i wish to become Sir's slave one day? Yes i do, no question. i could be more cavalier about it i suppose, not take it so seriously, but i really feel as though i would be cheating not only Sir but myself if i didn't. There is a lot of fun in this lifestyle and Sir and i have had lots so far and i look forward to many other times but i am also keenly aware of the seriousness that is also involved. It is a balance that Sir maintains in our dynamic, there have been times as you have read that have been purely fun and there have been times when there was a large tone of seriousness of Dominance and submission. i know not much would change on the outside with our dynamic with me becoming His slave, except to solidify it even more. But i am one of those who takes words like, devotion, loyalty, honesty, submission and slavery pretty seriously. Writing this has only grounded me even more when i define my slavery in my own mind and i am happy and at peace with my view. i could say that my opinions will change as i grow, but i honestly hope that they never do in this case. The great news is i guess, that when i do ask His permission to become His slave, i know what i am asking for and i know what i am freely offering to Him and He will know exactly what i am thinking when i do. How could i not be happy about that?

Family Ties

This is an entry about last night. Sir and i were on the phone speaking when dallas came online and Sir asked me to do a conference call with all three of us. i was more than happy to do so and so was dallas. As if we would be any other way. lol Well we all sat around chatting when Sir decided to have dallas grab her vibe, put it on low and put it in her cu*t. i was a bit taken a back but quickly recovered. Already my mindset was this is something Sir desired so this is what was going to happen. i must admit, i am of that mindset 99% of the time anyways, but when He catches me off guard, sometimes i have to stop on a dime and pull from my submission to continue forward. So that is what happened. The next thing i knew Sir had dallas grab her other vibe and place it on her clit and i started to hear her softly moan and breath with probably all the sensations she was feeling. i started to feel a little shy, more so when Sir asked what i would do if i was there. i didn't want to lie, i did have an image in my head, but i am shy and anyone who knows me, will tell you so. lol So i had to use my submission to answer the question posed by Sir. As i was answering His question, my submission kicked in and i started to rather enjoy saying what was on my mind. It got dallas a little riled up, and since it is common knowledge between the three of us that i have a little Domme steak in me pertaining to females, i must admit my ego got a little stroked at the same time. lol i have to say that was pretty cool.... i was submitting to Sir, using my submission to do as i was told and i got the added bonus of knowing i helped dallas become a little more aroused. By this time i was also getting aroused, again using my submission to "let go" and enjoy what Sir was having me listen to. i have to say, dallas sounds very sexy when she is aroused. Sir used her and after a short while dallas was asking Sir if His slut may please cum for Him. That was a bit different i must admit. Normally it is me saying that! But i must admit, i heard the pleasure in Sir's tone when He was finished using dallas (for the time being) and that made me smile and it made me very happy. i liked hearing dallas submit to Sir because it was what made Him pleased at the time. i found myself hoping she would not hold anything back, for i know that is what pleases Sir immensely, when nothing is held back. i could hear the smile in His voice when she thanked Him for using her but Sir had other plans. He told her to pull her hood back and place the vibe on her clit. Sir, Himself said that He knew her clit was very sensitive and Sir has done this to me before as well so i know how quickly it can start to hurt. That pushed a button with me...not hard but it was pushed nonetheless. i had no problem hearing dallas in the throws of passion, but hearing her in pain was a different story. Even though it was erotic pain and i myself enjoy it, i think i have a soft spot for hearing others in pain. While He was doing this i had to pull strength from my submission to sit and just listen. i eventually started speaking about buying a new vibe because it was getting hard just to listen to dallas. i would not ask Sir to stop, that is so not my place and i know it. He does everything for a purpose and He is not cruel in my opinion. But i will admit it was hard to do. Perhaps that will also get better in time. That was the first time i had ever heard anything like that so my brain was trying to process everything at once. After Sir was done all of us were talking again for a couple of minutes and i said that i was aroused and i had images in my head. So Sir asked me to share with the rest of the class. lol i giggled, took a deep breath and started speaking. While i was saying what was in my head Sir would give dallas directions from time to time and knowing that she was imagining as i was speaking was very erotic for me. i have never done anything like that before so I guess last night had quite a few firsts for me. lol Sir added a few ideas into the mix from time to time and sure enough dallas was asking Sir once again, if His slut may cum for Him. This time i was more prepared and actually smiled, big, when she asked. Funny how that works out sometimes. When all was said and done all of us chatted some more about possible plans and other various topics until Sir said He needed to go to sleep so dallas and i chatted some more about plans for the future. Now for the deep stuff....that experience used my submission on different levels. Some of it was easy to do and some of it, like when dallas was a bit sensitive with the vibe, was a little more difficult. i had to remind myself that this is what was pleasing Sir at the time and i had to pull from my submission to accept what was happening. i always wish to do whatever pleases Sir but again it was hard for me to listen while dallas was experiencing discomfort..but as Sir has pointed out, dallas' discomfort is not for her to decide. Neither is my own for that matter. How would i react in real life..being put in that situation? i have no idea but i do know that again my submission would be tested, used and through it all, i am certain, strengthened. Sir said that He plans to do this again soon, only with the situation reversed and very possibly use dallas and i both at the same time. Am i nervous about submitting to Sir with dallas listening? No, not at all. Feeling anticipation mixed with some excitement actually. After all, dallas will hopefully be my sister submissive, so there shouldn't be any reason to be nervous, and on an egotistical note, both she and Sir say i sound hot over the phone when i am aroused. How could i be uncertain or nervous after hearing a compliment like that from both of them? When Sir says we should be as a family, this is what i see. We all need to be there, to support, to talk, to help, to build each other up in any way we can and also, to provide a hand to hold should something bad ever happen. How could i doubt that this could be a wonderful thing to happen? Sure my submission will be used in ways it never has been before and it will be tested. But i also know it will grow stronger and more beautiful through new experiences and that is something i am always reaching for.

Dinner at Sir's part 2

When i last left off i was speaking about how we had all sat down to dinner and i was sitting at Sir's feet. To be honest, there was a couple of other reasons why i was sitting at Sir's feet. Truth be told, the major reason why i asked Sir if i may sit at His feet during dinner was because that is where i wanted to be. As i travel further down the road of my submission, i have become acutely aware that sitting at Sir's feet is the place i desire to be pretty much all the time regardless of where we are. So i was ecstatic to be sitting at His feet during dinner. As dinner unfolded i heard the conversations around me and tried my best to pay attention in case anyone needed anything. i am still shy about interrupting a conversation to ask if anyone needs anything so there was a couple of times Sir either told me or gave me a nudge to let me know if something needed to be done.

After the dinner plates had been cleared away i asked if anyone wanted dessert and almost everyone wanted the same dessert.Warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream. lol As i went to get things prepared slave c asked her Master if she could have permission to help me. i asked Sir and He said it was fine with Him, so i had help! lol slave c is very sweet. As i cut the pie and heated it up, slave c would put ice cream on and deliver it. So things went smoothly and everyone got dessert. More conversation and laughter ensued. After a bit k needed to go home and check on Sir M so i walked her to the door where she and i chatted for a few minutes more and Sir joined us for a few minutes as well. slave c and her Master C joined in on the conversation as well so we all stood there talking until k left. As we all stood there still talking i needed to use the restroom and asked Sir to do so. He decided that i did not have to use the chamber pot while He had guests over so i got to use the toilet. As i was going in, slave c was going out. As per the rules in Sir's house i left the bathroom door open and slave c saw this. i must admit i laughed....slave c complained to Master C that she had to close the bathroom door and i got to leave the door open. Master C told her that He did not know the protocol of Sir's house and was being polite. i had also told slave c that sometimes i had to use the chamber pot and she said she was jealous. lol i have never had a conversation like that in my life...but i am always open to firsts.

Afterward we all headed back into the kitchen to the dining table and Sir told me i could sit at the table....right in between Him and Master G. Eeek! lol Sometimes i act all cool and stuff, but when i get quiet Sir knows i am thinking...usually because i am nervous and i am trying to process something. lol So i was there very quiet and Master G would talk to me and i would go into shy mode. i know when i do that my eyes tend to gravitate either to the floor or someones shoulder, which Sir has told me irritates Him to no end, so i try not to do it. Well slave c had gotten herself caught up in a playful banter with Master G and was digging herself into a hole...lol she was fidgeting terribly with her hands and Master G told her to place them flat on the table and not move them until told. Well Master G noticed i had my hands in between my legs (another nervous habit i think) and in a very humorous and kind tone asked me if i would like to put my hands on the table as well. i shot a quick look to Sir and He gave me that, this-is-funny-that-it's-happening-to-you-and-you'd-better-do-it smile. It was that small smile with one eye brow slightly raised and His smile got bigger and i realized that He was laughing at me! lol i pouted, i know it and Sir and Master G laughed, but i did i was told. i put my hands flat on the table. Like slave c, i was not to move them from the table unless given express permission. Everyone continued talking and i got to learn more about everyone which is something i greatly enjoyed. Eventually slave j ended up with her hands on the table as well, also for getting into a dual of wits about putting hands on the table with Master G. Before long slave l joined the rest of us. i think the reason why Master G had slave l put her hands on the table was for the simple fact that He could. lol So it made for a rather humorous scene really. i can't remember specifics about what we all talked about...we talked about almost everything.

After all of that, everyone decided it was time to leave. It was getting late so i couldn't blame them really. i, myself, was a little sleepy but also revved up from the night. After everyone had gotten their coats it was time to say goodbye. i and slave c exchanged contact information with hopes of speaking again soon. i gave her a big hug and told her i would write soon. i also gave hugs to slave j and slave l and told them i loved meeting them and hoped to see them again soon. Sir also gave me permission to hug Master C and Master G goodbye, which i was thankful for, for if you read the blog about visitors, i am big on hugs! lol i truly enjoyed meeting everyone and loved spending time with Sir in that type of atmosphere,it is something i would love to do again. k told me she would love to go shopping with me next time i visit Sir and suggested that perhaps next time she and Sir M could take Sir and i out of town to a club her and Sir M frequent. i would love to do that as well. Being around other slaves really opened my eyes to how a slave "is." i see the differences...a lot of them are actually really subtle, and i now really see how Sir says that although i may not carry the title, i really do have the mind set of a slave. When i told slave c that i was Sir's submissive, not slave, she was very surprised...almost shocked really. she said the way i acted she thought that i was and asked me why i was not. i couldn't really put it into words why..but i tried and i think i just confused her all the more. lol But that, i think, is another blog entry...either way i had a blast and more importantly so did Sir. He and i both agreed that doing something like that again soon would be lots of fun but let me get mushy on you and say that it doesn't matter what Sir and i do, as long as i get to sit at His feet.

Dinner at Sir's Part 1

This past weekend, Sir decided to host a dinner party for some of His lifestyle friends. Here are the list of guests. Master G and His slave l, Master C and His two slaves, slave j and slave c and k. All of you know her as Mistress K, but in this situation she was just k. Master G is a good friends of Sir's and had been in the lifestyle for many years. His slave, l, has been His slave for a few years herself. she is 24 and a college graduate, very nice and funny. Master C is a friend of Master G. This was the first time i had heard of Him and met Him but He as well was very nice and had a wonderful sense of humor. His two slaves, j and c are very different from each other but both great people. j is someone i would describe as funny, "real" and down to earth. c is just way cute. lol she is such a sweet person, also very funny (i am noticing a trend here lol) energetic and by her own admission, someone who likes to clean. So i can say i got along with everyone that came and it was wonderful getting to meet everyone. Now that i have given you a short description of each person, i will tell you what happened.

Sir and i spent a good portion of the day running around, grocery shopping, picking up miscellaneous items and doing a general pick-up around His house and setting things up. i have to admit i had a great time helping Him set things up and getting things ready. He decided on lasagna for dinner and apple and pumpkin pie for dessert. Before everyone got there i hopped into the shower and cleaned up. Sir had me wear my white short skirt, black low-cut top and my black platform sandals. Sir wore black pants and a gray top. OK, i have to put this down. As Sir was walking around getting dressed, there was a period of time when all He was wearing was His black pants. This is the first time i had ever seen Sir wearing black and i must admit Sir is very hot when He is only wearing pants and black looks very, very good on Him. i couldn't help but stare from time to time and Sir said that it was okay that i was looking. lol Sometimes i really am so shy. Anyways, after Sir and i had finished getting ready, we checked on everything to make sure everything was how He wanted it and took a couple of minutes to relax as we waited for everyone to show up.

The first people that arrived was Master G and slave l, and Master C and slave j and slave c. i noticed a car circling around the area Sir lives and i told Him about it. So Sir went outside to check and sure enough, it was that group. They told Him that they had a hard time finding his house and that they were happy to see Him. i followed Sir outside and stood quietly while He said hello to Master C and slaves j and c. Sir introduced me and i told Master C and His slaves i was happy to meet them. Sir and i led them inside while Master G and slave l got out of the car and followed us inside. After everyone was inside Sir introduced me to Master G. i will admit i was very nervous to meet Him. Sir told me that Master G had a definite air of Dominance and He was correct. However i will also gladly say that when i looked into Master G's eyes, i also saw happiness and kindness within them. So i felt a little better...i did not know what to expect and was happy i had made no assumptions. i also got introduced to slave l who was someone i had been looking forward to meeting for quite some time. Everyone rid themselves of their coats and pretty much filtered into Sir's kitchen. Master G at that time complimented the collar Sir gave me and asked me where i had gotten it. i took His question rather literally and looked at Him with wide eyes and said quite seriously "Sir." lol So Master G looked at Sir who tried to remember exactly which web site He had picked it out from. i then really noticed all of us subbie/slaves collars and took a moment to really look at each one. Here in this blog, i will be using the term subbie/slaves (s/s) quite often. If anyone is wondering why i am separating the two, please feel free to read "slave thoughts" and you will see that, for me, there is a difference between the two. Since i have not yet asked Sir for His permission to become His slave, i still feel the need to distinguish the two.

Sir led Master G and Master C out to His backyard to His koi pond and all of us s/s followed Them. Everyone enjoyed looking at the fish, especially since Sir's fish will come right up to your fingers if they think you have food. After a few minutes Sir told me to go inside to start the garlic bread and all of s/s headed inside. However, when i got to the door i couldn't turn the handle and we (s/s) thought that the door somehow became locked. i turned to tell Sir and when i turned around, i got the answer to a rather funny question. How many subs does it take to open a locked door? Only one to crawl through the doggie door and open the door from the inside. lol slave c, i kid you not, crawled through the doggie door...i told you she was cute, but i think i should add the word inventive here as well. Well apparently the door wasn't locked, just the handle stuck. Either way all of us s/s got inside and broke up making garlic bread into steps. i set up the oven and got the bread out, slave l cut the bread, slave c buttered it and slave j put the garlic seasoning on it and put the bread into the pan. That is teamwork at it's finest. All of us were talking among ourselves and i had a blast. That was the first time i had ever been around other s/s. There was a definite air of camaraderie between all of us,which was something i think i miss already. i loved being able to serve Sir around others, kneel at His feet and pretty much do what i love doing and everyone not only respect my choice, but understand why i had made it.

Sir, Master G and Master C came inside and we were all chatting when i heard someone knock on the door. Sir and i were also expecting Sir M and k so i asked Sir for permission to answer the door. When i opened the door, there stood k. Sir M was not with her and it turns out that unfortunately Sir M was feeling a bit under weather so He couldn't come. i said hi to k and gave her a big hug hello. i will say here, that yes, i have discovered that i am sexually attracted to k. Who could blame me though? lol i told her that tonight i was not to address her as Mistress K and she was perfectly fine with that. So we linked arms and i led her into the kitchen where Sir gave her a hug as well and introduced her to the rest of the group. All of us stood around chatting some more, Sir poured some of the wine Master G had brought and i must have been very engrossed in the garlic bread to make sure it didn't burn, because i can't really remember when everyone went into Sir's living room. slave l stayed with me in the kitchen and i got a chance to speak with her privately. i got to ask some questions that had been on my mind and asked her about when she became a slave and the difficulties about having a D/s relationship long-distance. However, her and Master G made it work wonderfully, so i felt a little bolstered from speaking with her. she also offered to speak to me anytime and it is an offer i told her i would take her up on and thank you.

When she and i went into the living room, i must admit i loved what i saw. Going clockwise, Sir was sitting in His big chair, k was sitting on the floor near the window, slave l sat at her Master G's feet in between Him and k. Master G was sitting on the couch and next to Him was slave j. Next to slave j was Master C and on the floor at His feet sat slave c. i couldn't help but smile as i took my place at Sir's feet. Just sitting there in that situation, i felt at "home". You know, where everything just feels right, like it's supposed to? Sir was telling a story from His career working with lion and tigers and everyone was paying strict attention. He has some very enthralling stories from back then. i couldn't help but look up at Him while He was speaking and i know i was smiling. Master G caught my eye as i lowered my head one time and He gave me smile that made me want to blush.It was almost like He just knew what i was feeling and strongly approved. i needed to go check on the lasagna, and unfortunately i did not ask permission to leave the room to do so. Sir gave me a "Look" for that one, but i must sadly admit i did not notice. This is not the first time i have left the room without permission. i am starting to notice that if i have food in the oven, my brain leaves me. i should really work on that. Well i went and got the lasagna out to let it set and went back to into the living room and back to Sir's feet. i must admit that i got as close to Sir's feet as possible and sat there as Sir, Master G and Master C exchanged stories. There was one story that Master C told that almost had me on the floor (even more than i already was) with laughter...in fact i think almost everyone was rolling. k and i exchanged a couple of looks while everyone was laughing, just smiles really. After about 10 or 15 minutes, i told Sir that dinner was ready to be served, He nodded His head and all of Them spoke for a few minutes more. Sir then mentioned that dinner was ready and we all went into the kitchen. Sir, Master G and Master C immediately sat down. Sir invited k and slave l to sit down at the table while slave j, slave c and i served dinner. slave j would hand me a plate, i would serve up the lasagna, hand it to slave c and she would serve someone. More with the teamwork, you have to love it. After everyone was served, i made a plate for myself and sat at Sir's feet. Yes i was the only one not sitting at the table. This was something that not only Sir and i discussed before hand, it was something i volunteered to do and quite happily i might add.

Part 2 coming soon i promise!