Wednesday, May 16, 2007

slave thoughts

The Webster definition of slave is a person who is the property of and wholly subject to another; a bond servant, a person entirely under the domination of some influence or person. The general definition has been made. However, i believe that how one may define their own slavery will differ from another. my goal one day is to be honored with the title slave. It is something that will not be asked of me instead it is i who will ask to be titled in such a manner. This idea of my own slavery may seem complex to some for i define each and every aspect with affection and respect. This affection i speak of within my slavery will stem from the love i have for my submission, for His Dominance, for the lifestyle, the way i love and cherish the journey i am on and the trust, friendship and respect in our dynamic.

In my eyes, a slave has no limits, her limits are set by her Master. This requires complete trust of her Master. But i desire something i see as deeper and more profound.i had a dream about Sir soon after i met Him- it was quite sexual i will admit- but in my dream i made a statement to Him. It was one that defined my goal before i even really started on my journey, one i did not remember until He and i had a discussion about what i thought a slave should be. In my dream i told Him i wanted to give Him a safe place to lose control. That is the one thing i want most in my slavery. When i say 'losing control' what i speak of is the ability to give Him a head space where He is free to reach the depths of His dominance. To be able to act upon the depths of His desires, without the fear that i will judge Him or turn away from Him. The word "no" will not be in my vocabulary in regards to His desires. In my mind, when i close my eyes, i am His helper, His guide. i will give Him the freedom to explore His boundaries and help Him push past them if He needs me to. i will be there to help Him on His journey to learn more about Himself and His desires. This is done on my part with no fear, for i will know that He will never cause me true harm. i trust Him completely, in every way. i would be very proud to be a slave. Since i believe it has been His guidance along this path to find my own ultimate submission, so i desire to be there to help Him on His journey into Himself. He gives me a safe harbor in which to let go, to cry, to beg, to feel, to simply be. i desire to be the same thing for Him. i have looked into His eyes, and once or twice i have seen something powerful, hard and intense, then it is gone in a flash, held back by the chains of control He binds Himself with. i have become aware of how much careful control He uses with me and the desire to give Him what i believe He needs, He desires, that freedom, has become paramount to me. His desires, His happiness and His pleasure are my focus. This is who i am becoming, or perhaps in some ways, already am. i believe my submission is so strong and unique because i can honestly say that the desire to be there, to serve, to please, to help, to support, to be anything and everything, to submit completely, comes from my heart. Perhaps this sounds romantic but this is all true. i know it will not always be easy and that is okay. Not all lessons are easily learned, and if all this was easy, it is possible i wouldn't appreciate it as much as i do. i am reminded of a saying. "If it wasn't hard, then it wouldn't be worth it" Finding and exploring the depth of my submission has been a wonderful journey. i have been praised, used, and punished. i have learned more about myself than i, at the beginning, thought was possible and the best thing is that i know there is still so much more to learn, for i know i have only begun. Sir has said before, the journey never ends and i hope that it never will.