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Sunday, April 20, 2008

Tickled

When i first met Master (way back when) i told Him that i could not stand being tickled and i don't just mean it annoyed me. i mean like it would cause me to panic, reduce me tears and if carried on long enough, cause me to want to hide in a dark corner while i erased the feeling of panic from my mind and body while mutely staring at a wall. Yes, that bad. In the past i have even ended up hitting people out of self preservation. Needless to sat, tickling me became something Master never attempted to do. But a couple of visits ago, He tickled me for just a brief moment and i was okay. i didn't mind, i didn't freak out....just laughed. After, Master made the comment about not wanting to do something that would give me a very bad experience. But i assured Him i was fine and the subject matter dropped. This visit, something incredible happened! Master and i were sitting on the couch and He started to tickle me. All i could do was laugh...well laugh and jump and giggle. lol i can't remember how it happened, but at some point in time, i ended up laying over His lap. Master was tickling me.....yes i was squirming but no bad feelings. Master said something about Him not wanting me to move (it is sooo hard NOT to move when someone was tickling you!) and He grabbed my nipple! Once He had a good grip, Master continued to tickle me. Every time i would jump, my nipple would get pulled....hard. It hurt but i couldn't stop laughing....adding in the fact that i adore nipple torture, this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. But i did try my best to stay still as Master wanted me to. Each time He would tickle me, part of me was waiting for the signal to go off in my brain that it was becoming to much. Or maybe i wasn't waiting for it but rather, paying very close attention to how i was feeling. But the feeling never came.....i never felt panicked or scared or anything negative. Instead, it felt more like a light-hearted game of sorts. How long i could stay still or get my nipple pulled. lol In the end, i ended up jumping so badly that my nipple was ripped from Master's very tight grip. He later told M and k that He was holding on as tight as He could! After all was said and done, Master and i laughed at how hard i must have jumped and part of me was a little sad that the "game" had ended. i really enjoyed myself (thank You Sir!!) and when Master told me that next time He might use the clover clamps, two things happened. 1) i was excited that it may happen again and 2) became a little nervous about the clover clamps. But those things can pull sooo hard! lol In a lot of ways, i was a little surprised at how everything went. As i said, i do not take tickling well. i did when i was a kid but somehow, as i got older, it started to have a bad effect. So i was really happy to discover that part of myself. Well...no....that's not it. i say that because i know that i could not take my friends tickling me. To re-phrase- i was happy to discover that Master could tickle me with no ill effects. Why exactly He can when no one else can......well, after a lot of thinking, i think it may be a mix of things. One being, i trust Him. Pure and simple. i know that He would never keep tickling me if i said my safe word (which is my responsibility to use BEFORE it gets to the point of panic) i also know that He would watch me closely to make sure i am okay. (friends sometimes forget about that.....or if you say stop- they keep going...thinking that you are laughing) Also, Master had tickled me before. Very brief short bursts, nothing i could not handle. 2...well....being honest. i want to please Master. It is something that i desire very much and strive to do. i think that has an effect on why i am willing to push past some of my own fears. i know that Master enjoys tickling me and in the past i have often felt a little bad that He couldn't, because i just couldn't handle it. Perhaps in some subconscious way, i tried working through that dislike. To try and find the space where i could enjoy it once again and that boundary would no longer be there. Or maybe everything just fell into place. (i think i am going to go with the whole wanting-to-please-Him-so-i-will-work-past-this theory) Which spurns a whole new train of thought i will approach at another time. 3 would be the fact that i did enjoy being tickled by Him. It was nice and fun and something i am eager to try again. Even though i know that it may one day turn from something that felt mostly silly to something more serious i know now that it is something that can happen and i won't freak out or anything. i'm not going to say it wouldn't be hard but knowing that i am okay (mentally and emotionally) with tickling makes me feel pretty happy. Yet another new door opens for exploration which should be interesting to say the least.

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