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Friday, January 4, 2008

subspace

This visit to Master was....interesting to say the least. Something new happened that was pretty cool...well, actually a couple of new things happened. lol The cane, dungeon, forced orgasm, golden showers, subspace.....all held a different or new aspect. Needless to say, all of those were good, wonderful things. As was watching movies, bike riding and just relaxing with Master. But, in this visit, some hard things happened as well. Such as i stepping out of line and yelling at Master and forgetting a simple basic rule that has been in place since the day i became His. So some tough stuff (emotionally) took place, inner struggles with myself and Sir having to guide me back into place. Some lessons were learned and some reminders were given, from not only Master but from myself as well. M and k came over for a little while and New Year's night was a lot of fun. As i am sure everyone is curious and i am eager to write, i think i will just jump right in.

Master told me to lay on the bed, face down. i readily complied, not altogether certain what He was going to do. i buried my head into His comforter but somehow i cannot remember what i did with my hands. i heard Him walk to the side of the bed and heard the closet door open. The next thing i felt was a whisper of wind and the butterfly touch of the cane up and down my thighs. i shivered and sucked in a small breath, focusing only on the gentle breeze. Part of me was nervous, although i enjoy the cane, it can also push my limits of pain if Master desires it to. i fought the urge to tense up and instead breathed, trying to relax. i felt the sting before i heard it and my body tensed in protest, while a part of me was sighing in relief. After a couple of strokes, my body would shiver from time to time. my mind would just not relax or slow down. It was racing somewhere, while i was trying to focus on relaxing. For some reason though, i could not find that space of relaxation. With each stroke, Master increased the intensity and as He has put it, i was fighting the cane strokes. i was not processing the strokes or the pain. Each stroke would leave a sting and burn in it's wake. What made it harder is that the burn would not easily subside and part of me wanted it to stop. What i do remember is my legs bending to cover my thighs and my ass, the same protective movement like when i jump to the wall if Master has me stand for a caning. i tried to give myself time in between each stroke, time to let some of the pain dull before i lowered my legs. Part of me was extremely nervous that Master would decide to strike the back of my thighs quickly and i found myself tensing up. i wanted to relax, my brain moving at a frantic pace trying to process everything but i just couldn't seem to simply.....let go and stop fighting. Master told me afterward that during that time my breathing became shallow and rapid and that He could see my entire body tensing. Even though i was tense and struggling with and fighting the caning Master was giving me, He did not slow or soften the strikes against my ass and thighs. Instead, He started to speak. Just words telling me to relax and to breath with gentle yet firm tones that seemed to fill the room. my mind, my being, grabbed onto to His voice and His voice became my focus. my mind slowed from the racing, i let go of myself and just followed His instructions. Each time He would tell me to relax, to breath, to let go, my body fell into the languid place of absolute relaxation. Without notice, nor really any warning, i fell into subspace and the bite of the cane diminished to where all i felt was the pressure of each cane stroke. Instead of the single point of pain, each stroke seemed to echo up and down my body. The sound of Master swinging the cane could have been birds singing i was that relaxed. The world around me diminished and the calm, steady darkness that is subspace surrounded me. i felt Master continue, somewhere in my mind i knew He was swinging harder but each stroke was not perceived as pain. Master told me that He was striking the back of my thighs pretty hard and i am sure that He was. When He was done, He allowed me to lie there although for how long i am not certain. i will say that i was nothing but a soft and mushy pile of submissive goo by the time He was done. That was the first time i have ever gone into subspace from the cane and even told Him how surprised i was. Master was surprised as well that i did. Why i fell into subspace that time, i am not all together sure. Normally it is thuddy (flogger and the crop after a fashion) that sends me into subspace but this time was different. If it will happen again, i have no idea. Perhaps it was something that my body and my masochistic self wanted that badly. Or perhaps (my personal theory) it was a level of acceptance to where i did not fight the pain in any way, even on a subconscious level. Later Master asked me about my ability to find subspace by listening to His voice and i have come to realize that i am one of those people, who if in the right mindset, can and will instantly obey suggestions and commands. i say this only because this is not the first time that Master has decided to use me in the fashion of erotic pain where i have relaxed simply by His voice and His command. Whatever the reason, it was absolutely wonderful and amazing.

2 comments:

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