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Monday, July 30, 2007

Re-discovery

This is an entry that Sir thought would be good to write about. What is it that interests me in re-discovering my bi sexual side. Well truth be told, i originally starting thinking about it once again when i first met Sir and He asked me about my sexual past. The fact that i have been with more women than men intrigued Sir and asked me why i had stopped. Well that was for a number of reasons, mainly because i lost interest as i got older. There are a number of issues as to why i lost interest....time for honesty. lol Way back when, almost 8 years ago i was actively bisexual and i ended up in a vanilla relationship where that fact was taken advantage of. So much so that i walked away not only from women but my significant other as well. i will leave it at that.
Enter in Sir. lol Such a difference in mindsets. First of all...it has been long enough for me to let go of my anger and resentment. Secondly, i am older and now have a better understanding of what attraction really is and what i am attracted to. Thirdly and in some ways most importantly, i am in a dynamic where i am encouraged to discover this side of myself without any pressure or judgment. i think in some ways that is what has been the largest factor. Sir has never pressured me to be bi-sexual, instead He has let me come to it and start to re-discover it on my own time. He lets me write out fantasies and never tells me that they are non-realistic, in fact the opposite. He loved the one i wrote earlier in my blog and i must admit i was ecstatic that He enjoyed it so much. Truly, one of the major reasons why i am freely discovering this side of myself is because i would love to serve Him in that manner and to be able to fully immerse myself in what ever He has happen. So yes, my submission to Sir also plays a large part. Okay that and i have this major thing for breasts and nipples...fun to play with! lol my personal favorite thing on a woman.....maybe because i love my own so much. But i am also encouraged to explore what really attracts me to women, the stuff besides the physical. You know when there is something else there, something to which i have not been able to put words to as of yet... i suppose i speak of a chemistry of sorts that goes beyond sexual attraction. Possibly a mental connection of sorts but i am still figuring out that one. Re-discovering this side of me interests me the most i think because of how many doors it opens for Sir and our exploration, not only in the sense of a poly-dynamic but in other ways as well. i am excited to explore this side of myself, it is yet another nuance that makes up who i am, one that was buried long ago, but now is able to resurface in a dynamic where it can grow with trust, encouragement and guidance and yet without pressure. A wonderful place to start i think.

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