Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Six Months

Today is the official marking of 6 months as Sir's submissive. 6 months of learning, exploring and changing with Sir. He and i have made the comment more than once, that it seems longer than that. We say "way back when" and laugh because it really hasn't been that long, it is just that i have grown so much in that period of time, it seems longer. As i look back at every single entry i have ever posted, i see the difference in the things i learned in just one month and how much i grew as the time passed. i woke up this morning in such an excellent mood....remembering everything and knowing that there is still so much more to come. When my submission was still in it's infancy, i could feel that part of me but i did not understand it. i knew i wanted to serve and please Him but i did not know to what extent. i started out with quite a few limits..all of which have melted away. i really can't even say needle play/piercing is a limit because Sir and i have discussed getting my hood pierced as a marking of being owned. me, the same one who could barely sit still to get her ears pierced a second Would i be a little scared to get that done? Nervous and uncomfortable? Yes and even though i would be, i would do it in a heartbeat if it pleased Sir to have that done. Best part there is even excitement wrapped in there as well. (that, i think, will be my next entry) Today is a special occasion so i am going to get a bit mushy on you. In the six months i have known Sir, i have learned more about myself than i ever thought i could. 6 months...a milestone. Not the first we have had, but the first in relation to time. i never thought of floggers, or canes before Sir, i never trusted anyone to tie me down or blindfold me, never willingly given my control to Another and i never thought i would find that part of myself that always seemed to be missing. i found that part of myself when i first logged onto a web site about BDSM and even then i did not fully understand what it meant to be submissive. i did not start to understand it's depth or it passion until i became Sir's submissive. He truly has been my Mentor, my Friend, my Guide, and my Dominant. Every time He walks into the room my eyes lower, almost every time He commands me to do something my head bows slightly with the words "Yes Sir", when He walks around His house in nothing but a pair of jeans (so natural and sexy) my stomach tightens up and i cannot help but stare... remembering Him in black so delectable. i personally think that Sir is incredibly sexy, although He says i am biased....and perhaps He is right but i cannot see how i could not find His intelligence (i go for that big time) His eyes, His smile, His voice, His body and really His overall demeanor and attitude sexy. If that makes me biased then so be it. lol When He has me in sub-space i know i can free fall for i know He will watch over me, when He allows me to suck His co*k i am enthralled with the privilege and eroticism of it all and whenever, however i am allowed to serve and please Him, even just the thought of it, i am reminded as to why i am happy to be submissive and His submissive at that. 6 months of realization. One of the reasons why i am so excited to become His slave is because i love serving Him and my only desire is to do so. i desire to be owned by Him, i trust Him to give Him all of my control, knowing that He always has my best interests at heart, including if i need to be punished. i am strong, smart, beautiful in Sir's eyes (His are the only ones that matter) and i am a bit willful about some things and very shy about others. Every time i am at His feet i am proud knowing i am His, for His pleasure and His use and yet so very humbled knowing i am only there because He allows it. i have learned, from an excellent example-orgasm control, what it means to put His pleasure really before my own. To do so and not be angry or upset but to feel totally fulfilled and happy just knowing i have pleased Him. Learning all of this and more has been an incredible journey and all in just the span of 6 months. i am very grateful that i met Sir and that He saw in me the depth of submission i could not see in myself and am more than honored that i am allowed to be there as He pushes His own boundaries and limits. So much has happened and to know that there is still so much left to long as i am allowed to be at His feet, what more could this subbie wish for? my answer.....absolutely nothing and i couldn't be happier.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing the idea there would be some apprehensions from segment but i am up for it.
six month smiles