Monday, December 10, 2007

dirty talk

As i have journeyed down this path with Master, i have learned quite a few things about myself that i did not know. The newest one being that i like "dirty talk". Eeek. lol i figured that out when Master had taken me off restriction. However, i did not tell Him immediately but took the time to figure out (at least a little) if that was something that i enjoyed. Also i needed time to absorb that little bit of new information about myself. That was sooo hard to admit to Sir....i wasn't sure what He was going to think, or if it was something that He enjoyed doing. i know that He has experienced a great deal in this lifestyle and that not much surprises Him but for me, admitting that was a little hard. But Sir has always told me to tell Him what was going on in my head so i kept that in mind. i trust Sir with that information.....however nervous and shy i was about admitting that, i knew that He wouldn't laugh or anything like that. In fact He told me that He was proud of me for telling Him. So that is an avenue that Master is exploring with me right now and i must admit that i do enjoy it very much. It seems to tap into different parts of myself....when He tells me to say something i end up groaning or biting my lip out of arousal before i speak. i want to say these things but would normally not say anything at all. Sir gives me that space and the words to express the slut that belongs to Him. i lose myself in His voice, a sensual tone yet one that is also uncompromising. When He tells me to say something that gives me pause i have to reach into my submission to find the ability to say what He wants me to. Even though it is hard, i desire the words and i want to please Him. It is a different type of surrender....or maybe a deeper form. i haven't quite figured that out yet. i do know that Sir is the only person that has ever heard that part of me and even within the lust and arousal that flames through me, i cannot help but feel vulnerable and exposed to Him. It is intense in it's own way and, according to Master, brings out an intensity in me that He enjoys. So far this has been something that has been explored only over the phone and part of me cannot help but wonder that if it is intense over the phone, how it will be in r/l should it please Him to do so. The thought of the combination of His hands, His body, His voice so close to me, the feel of His Dominance and sensuality, mixed in with erotic pain and the words that could spill over my lips makes for a wonderful fantasy and i am already aroused, so i will sign off for now. Here's to happy dreams.