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Sunday, June 24, 2007

Obedience vs. Concern


This entry is about where should a submissive draw the line between obedience and concern. This conversation came up between Sir and i last night because i made the choice to call Him to make sure the He was okay. He had a busy day and told me He was going to sit down and watch a movie. i became concerned that He fell asleep in His chair and debated for about 45 minutes whether or not i should call Him. i am not supposed to call Him unless He instructs me to and i did not wish to disobey His command, but was worried that if He did indeed fall asleep in His chair, He would wake up sore and uncomfortable. In the end i made the choice to call Him just to be sure, having made the decision that i would rather Him be mad at me and possible give me a punishment, then have Him wake up stiff and sore. What a choice to have to make. He was not angry with but i did have to explain why i had chosen to call Him at such a late hour. Here is the line that had to be drawn within myself. Obedience or concern for my Sir's well being. How can a submissive make that choice? Normally in any situation where i ask myself, what would Sir wish for me to do, my submission to Him answers for me. But in this case, for the first time, my submission was split both ways. As His submissive, i am to follow and obey His rules. However on the flip side, as His submissive, i also need to make sure that He is comfortable, happy and pleased. Some people may say, just let Him sleep, you don't want to get into trouble, or give another reason as to why i should not. As you all know i take my submission very seriously and therefore i am always on the lookout for ways to serve or please Sir in anyway that i can. If i were at His house and He fell asleep in His big chair (that chair is sooo comfortable lol) i would wake Him up with no hesitation. So why the pause and contemplation this time? Simple, because if i were at His house i could assess the situation based on what i knew...in this situation i did not know if He had fallen asleep or not. So it was like taking a shot in the dark. For all i knew, in calling Him, i could be disturbing Him in some fashion or worse, if He decided to got to bed, waking Him up would not be a good thing at all. i am sure there are others who have been in similar situations, their submission pulling them in both directions. It is times like those when carefully weighing the odds and making sure not to equate in personal desires can be difficult. How does one tell the difference? i think in a situation like that, it is imperative that you make sure the choice that you make is one based on the comfort and pleasure of your Dominant. But again, back to obedience.....what i did was a direct violation of Sir's rules. i knew it when i made that choice. i was not punished, thankfully, but Sir has always been very understanding. Does the fact that i was concerned negate the fact that i disobeyed Him? Not a chance, being concerned may make it understandable to certain degree, but not okay. So how and when does a submissive make that choice? Whether it be something as simple of where her Dominant is sleeping, or something more serious, i can see how making a decision like this is hard to do. Either way it goes, when you have to make a decision such as this, you may be taking the chance of being punished or scolded, if in making sure everything is okay, you have to disobey your Dominant to do so. i, for one, would be happy to never have to feel the need to contemplate between the two.

1 comments:

Sir said...

chai,
What a wonderful thought provoking essay. As we discussed on the phone in this situation I appreciated your concern for my comfort... but as you have written it does not negate the fact that you disobeyed me. Very interesting stuff and I hope others might comment on their beliefs about this contradiction of choice. I am very proud of you.
Sir