Thursday, June 28, 2007

i've cum along way

This entry is about my growing ability to connect with my sexuality and the growth i have experienced with Sir in reaching orgasm. Whew... what a sentence huh? lol No doubt about it, there have been significant changes since i met Sir. i would say one of the most significant changes within myself is that i am no longer nervous about my sexuality. There were things about my sexual self, things i liked i.e. spanking, the thought of being held down, that although i knew were actually pretty normal and common, made me nervous because i did not understand them. So i never explored or connected with that part of my sexuality...instead i avoided it. Enter in Sir. lol If you remember reading in my blog about the first time i met Sir in r/t, the first time He tied me up i started to panic. But my submission kicked in and He became the strength i needed so badly to be able to relax and enjoy what He was doing. And enjoy it i did. i love it when Sir ties me Okay, back on topic now. In meeting Sir and becoming His submissive, i am allowed to not only think about my sexuality, i am also encouraged to tell Him if there is something i am interested in trying. Still shy about that really....i can write about it, my fantasies, things i would like to try, but to actually say it out loud is something i am still working on. Recognizing and accepting aspects about my sexuality within myself i am doing so much better with....having to verbalize those desires is still kind of hard. i think that is because i do not want to come across as demanding or aggressive...because i am neither. That is a whole different entry though i think. The understanding and acceptance Sir shows me helps quite a bit. Things i once was nervous about admitting for fear of getting weird looks and comments, i don't with Sir. Back to the freedom that is within my submission to Sir. i know i will get more comfortable with time, even though it may be a slow road at times.
Now to orgasms.....goodness. i have said plenty of times before that having an orgasm was difficult before i met Sir. It was still kind of hard at first and Sir once told me that having an orgasm is also very mental and that i was most likely putting up a "wall" of some sort. Still working on that to be honest, but with His careful guidance i have come a long way. (no pun Now, when He uses me in that fashion, although it took some time to train myself to do, my mind stays relaxed and having an orgasm is much easier to do. i am not saying that it is easy all the time, but much easier than before. Also in my growth with orgasms with Sir, i have learned to notice when i start to get "close" and how to hold an orgasm off without losing it. When Sir started to train me to cum on command for Him, it came as a surprise the first time He did it. Read "climax control" for the whole story. Now it is something i enjoy every much. i will also say that in relaxing my mind and body my orgasms are now much more intense than before and while i love cumming really hard, i enjoy it even more so because it pleases Sir. It is astounding (to me anyways) how far i have come with my sexuality and orgasms with Sir guidance. i know there are still many other things Sir wishes to show and teach me, more ways to grow and expand, and i can't wait to learn.