Friday, June 15, 2007


This blog is all about everything. The first thing i am touching on is restriction. In this case, the restriction Sir placed upon me to not masturbate in any way unless i either have His express permission or if He is using me. i will say i really like being on restriction. Before i met Sir i would masturbate about twice a month....i just didn't find any enjoyment in it to be honest. i had a hard time having an orgasm and would get bored quickly. Yes, i know....i've changed... a lot. lol i am very happy about that as well. Sir took me off restriction once for about 2 weeks as a reward, He thought i was ready and i was. i just did not like having that freedom. Now that is something i wouldn't have thought about saying 6 months ago. lol The only rules Sir gave me during that period of time was 1) when i was ready to climax i had to say to myself 'may Your slut please cum for You Sir" and 2) the next time i contacted Him in any way i was to give a full detailed description of what i was thinking, what toys i used, what position i was in, everything. So that made it definitely more interesting, more so since i am still a little shy when talking about the physical stuff, but then as you have read many times before, that is when i use my submission. i was very happy when Sir brought it up and we talked about it. i was a little hesitant about admitting that i liked being on restriction but Sir understood and put me back on it. So now i am on restriction all the time and i couldn't be happier.

About being used...that is something else i greatly enjoy. Not because i am being used but because i am pleasing Sir. After giving it some thought (i have been having a lot of those lately, hence this blog entry) i have found there is only one way i would not enjoy being used by Sir. That would be if Sir felt He needed to. To me there is a difference. i wish for Sir to use me because it pleases Him. It is something He desires to do, for whatever reason at the time but it something that He desires, He wants. i would never want Him to feel obligated to use me or do it because it is something He felt He needed to do. Sir needs to do His dishes (if i am not there to do them-which is something i also enjoy doing for Sir- but i'll get to that in a minute) but that doesn't mean He enjoys doing it. See what i am saying? That is one thing as you all know that i focus on...Sir's pleasure. Put it bluntly, if He is not pleased or having a good time then neither am i.

Now, about doing His dishes. lol To me that goes under service. Doing His dishes for Him gives me almost as much pleasure as being allowed to dry Him off after His shower....even better if i am allowed to bathe Him first. Doing His dishes isn't nearly as erotic although since i do them naked that adds something to it. lol i will just come out and say i love taking care of Sir. Making breakfast, doing His dishes, helping Him clean, lightly massaging His head while he is sitting at His desk....all that stuff. i am humbled sometimes knowing He could command me to not do those things. Come to think of it, that would probably be an excellent punishment, so i am thankful that He allows me to do so. There was a blog that Sir and i got involved with reading in which a submissive's punishment for something was that she had to stay clothed, couldn't speak to her Mistress and generally was not allowed to serve or submit in any fashion. she said that that was the worst punishment ever and i tend to agree. Serving Sir in any way He allows makes me very happy and feel complete and i would not know what to do with myself if He ever felt He needed to go to that extreme as a form of punishment. i shudder to think what i would have to do wrong to deserve that. So i strive for perfection...although i know that i never will be and have accepted that, as Sir says, as long as i truly try my best, then He is happy. i know.... i'm lucky and happy. lol

Now, time for definitions. lol i am writing this mainly because Sir had me do some affirmations last night while in position 6 before my meditation. While in meditation i started to define my affirmations on how they were used in our dynamic in my perception. So here goes.
"What are you for?" "I am for Your pleasure Sir." In my mind (keep in mind these are just my perceptions please) this means that my mind, my speech, my personality, my core self, is for Sir's pleasure. He likes to teach me new things and watch my knowledge and understanding grow, He insists that i have a brain and had better use it. So watching my growth in understanding also pleases Him.
"What is your body for?" "my body is for Your use Sir." This entails more than just pleasure and pain. More than bondage and all the fun stuff Sir likes to do. lol This also means my time and energy. i know that that may go without saying for some, but i thought it important to put it down. And not just energy for the fun stuff, but the energy to serve without fail, whether i am with Him or not. This also means i would never get a piercing or any other type of marking with out His express permission. This also ties in with restriction.
"Who do you obey?" "i obey only You Sir." This i really shouldn't have to comment on but i will anyway. i have no intention or desire what so ever to obey someone else. my submission is singular, only for One. Some might say, what if another Dominant told you to do something? Sir knows how hardheaded i can be when it comes to things, so i would say i would only obey that Dominant if Sir told me to. But even then, in my mind, i would not be obeying the Dominant, i would be obeying Sir and His desires, no matter the situation. Whether it be a dinner party or any other social situation.
"Who do you belong to?" "i belong to You Sir." i belong to Sir, no one else. Pure and simple.
"What are you?" "i am Your slut Sir." This occurs only when He is using me. Some may think it self explanatory and in some ways it is. But let me expand further on this. When Sir asks me that question, it is almost like Him telling me that it is okay to lose control, to give in to what i am feeling and to submit to Him on that level. He wants me to be wanton and open, unafraid and unashamed of the desire coursing through my body. i will admit sometimes Sir doesn't have to ask that question, i will say it of my own volition, just because it feels right to say so to Him. At those times when He commands me to, i am His slut in anyway He should ever desire and truly proud of it too.
"What are you?" "i am Your submissive Sir." This pertains to everything above and then some.
Being Sir's submissive is one aspect of my life, my personality, a part of who i am as a whole, that is for Him and Him alone. Out here in the "vanilla" world, i am many other things and i have been able to merge the two very well. As Sir has said before, being submissive is only one part of who i am. i am also a daughter, friend to others and many more things. But my submission is a part of me that i cherish very much. i can say it has only added greatly to my life and personality through gaining understanding of myself. i am proud to call myself His submissive, although perhaps one day soon i will respond to that statement with "i am Your slave Sir."

Overall, i have come far in my journey and Sir's patience and guiding hand have only made it so much better. i will continue to strive for perfection and desire Sir's guidance and lessons. What a journey to go on.....and as always, there is more to come.