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Friday, June 8, 2007

slave thoughts cont.


This is more about slave thoughts really. Things i have had the time to think about and form opinions of. my last entry about being a slave still stands in a very big way. i have come to realize that i am what i wrote in my entry. i am so honored and pleased that Sir has been able to explore His own boundaries and limits and allow me to be there on the way. i have also come to realize the main reason why i am so determined to wait until i am sure before asking His permission to become His slave, why i take the title so seriously. From the beginning, when Sir and i first discussed me being a slave, i did not understand why there was a need for a contract. i understand it now and it makes logical sense. Wisdom at it's finest, it ensures choices of both parties, and if Sir desired a contract, i would sign one with no hesitation. However, although i understand now, back then i did not see the point and with myself, i still don't.If i were to become slave, it would be a permanent thing, as long as Sir desired me at His feet, i would be there.i would be Sir's, in every sense. i would be owned, with no intention of ever asking for my "freedom". i know what i am speaking of, i know exactly what i would be asking for. Sir would still wish for me to finish school, to have a career, to have a brain and use it. He would still want me to be my own person, to have my opinions, to be strong, determined and optimistic.As Sir has said before, He already owns a couple of dogs. lol When looking at it from that perspective, my slavery to Him would not be much different than my submission, on the outside anyways. But on the inside, how i feel and think, there would be a significant difference. He would never have to ask me to sign a contract for another 6 months or anything like that, although He may anyways. The point is, He would never need to ask, or wonder about my submission. He once told me that one of the reasons why there is a contract is because a slave may wish to no longer be bound to her Master. To me that defeats the purpose of being a slave in the first place, there should be no question about it. Maybe i am old-fashioned but that is what i see within myself. Do i wish to become Sir's slave one day? Yes i do, no question. i could be more cavalier about it i suppose, not take it so seriously, but i really feel as though i would be cheating not only Sir but myself if i didn't. There is a lot of fun in this lifestyle and Sir and i have had lots so far and i look forward to many other times but i am also keenly aware of the seriousness that is also involved. It is a balance that Sir maintains in our dynamic, there have been times as you have read that have been purely fun and there have been times when there was a large tone of seriousness of Dominance and submission. i know not much would change on the outside with our dynamic with me becoming His slave, except to solidify it even more. But i am one of those who takes words like, devotion, loyalty, honesty, submission and slavery pretty seriously. Writing this has only grounded me even more when i define my slavery in my own mind and i am happy and at peace with my view. i could say that my opinions will change as i grow, but i honestly hope that they never do in this case. The great news is i guess, that when i do ask His permission to become His slave, i know what i am asking for and i know what i am freely offering to Him and He will know exactly what i am thinking when i do. How could i not be happy about that?

1 comments:

Sir said...

chai,
I have watched the depth of your submission grow and blossom as I guide you along your journey to being my slave. It is a joy for me to read that you continue to define and reach more clarity on what that depth of submission means to you. you may still call yourself my submissive but I believe the time will soon be, when you will proudly say slave. Sir