Thursday, August 23, 2007

Firsts:: Letting Him in

Another big first with Sir was sex. i know....all of you probably assumed that that had happened a long time ago (and in some ways it did with oral cock worship and throat fu*king). Some of you might have even been wondering why i never wrote about it. Now you know why....because it hadn't happened yet. There were a few reasons why Sir decided to put something like this on hold for a while. A couple of reasons would be that i haven't had a lot of good experiences regarding sex and Sir did not want to move to fast with me in that regard and i am thankful. If it had happened too soon who knows how i would have felt about it.....i think that it is better that there was a solid and strong emotional/mental foundation to our dynamic before exploring that avenue. Sir once said that if both parties have that mental and emotional connection then fu*king becomes much more intense and i must agree with Sir on that as well. ::Blushing:: Another reason would also be protection against pregnancy. Personally i think the first reason is more important than the second. you can be protected all you want but if it is something you are unsure of in the first place that makes for a negative situation. Well after Sir had given me my caning and we had climbed into bed i was a little nervous. lol This is something that Sir and i had discussed at great length so i was well informed that us having sex would occur. i still wasn't sure how or when though. i remember lying in bed with Sir and He just started to kiss me, being very gentle and slow, stealing away any apprehension i may have had. i think i could have kissed Him for hours if He wanted me to....i'm blushing on the inside. lol Right before we started to have sex, i had this moment of crystal clear realization of what i was about to do, what step in my journey with Sir i was about to take. In the past i saw myself being a bit uncertain and really very nervous but instead it just felt completely right. That step was a new aspect of my submission to Sir coming into play. In my mind, sex is an extremely private thing, it is something that i have always approached from an emotional point of some ways not only was i submitting to Sir on a physical level i was submitting to Him on a very personal emotional level as well. "Letting Him in" in more ways than one type of thing. So that was incredible in it's own right. Some of the emotions that that evoked i am still trying to put words to, but i can say that not only was it very erotic, i also felt safe and cherished. Now on the physical level....oh my god. lol Oh yes, i have to go there. Sir fu*king me is something i got quite addicted to during the week. i think that cock worship (His of course) still holds the number one spot, but omg, Sir fu*king me is about equal. i have never had sex for that length of time before in my life, plus i just have to say that Sir is talented. i was able truly let go and completely abandon myself to Him and to the sensations He was giving me. i felt claimed, owned and i loved every single minute of it. i once told Sir that i was afraid i would not be able to please Him in the regard of fu*king but He told me that i had pleased Him very much, which made me SO happy. More subbie goodness. lol This new step, new aspect of my submission to Sir solidified a couple of things in my mind. How i was for His use, for His pleasure, that fact that i am His was expanded upon, taken to a different level. It was a different type of emotional, mental and physical intensity all rolled into one act. i told you i took sex to be a very personal, private thing so i don't think there is any other way i could explain it, nor do i think i would want to. So i think i will sign off with saying that it was incredible, that connection with Sir, that depth of emotion and submission growing and i wouldn't change a thing.