Saturday, August 11, 2007


In my last entry i wrote about only using a single candle when taking my 'sexy baths' and i thought i might expand on why that is significant to me. So this is about being in the dark and how it used to be a big fear of mine. Anytime i would be in the dark for more that just a couple of minutes i would get kind of panicky. my heart rate would soar and i would start hearing things and i could not stand being in the dark alone. Not being able to see what was around me also at one point tied in with the fear of being blindfolded. Being vulnerable in the manner of not being able to see what was happening was something i was not comfortable with before i met Sir and even then He moved slowly with me. Something i am, again, thankful for. When Sir used the hood on me for the first couple of times and made it so i couldn't see, my heart rate soared and i got a little nervous and giggly. i couldn't see so i didn't know what He was going to do at that time and couldn't see to even guess. Both of the times Sir has used the hood on me have been good experiences and i handled them a lot better than i thought i would. The hood is interesting because not only can i not see but my hearing is a bit muffled as well. So that increases my feeling of vulnerability, but still i feel safe with Him. So within a realatively short time i was able to conquer that particular fear ...does that mean i would be willing to let somebody else do that? No way, not unless Sir was there and He told me to. lol There are but a few people that i can be in the dark with and feel safe and only one person who can blindfold me which would be Sir. If one of my friends tried that they may get hurt. lol If i choose to be in the dark, like when i am in the bathtub, or lying in my room at night, the dark provides a haven for thoughts and fantasies. To be honest, even then if i stay in the dark too long i get jumpy and i have to have some sort of light on. Yes, this means i either sleep with the tv on or with a nightlight....go ahead and laugh. lol When i am with Him in His bed in the dark i am comfortable and feel safe and protected so no nightlights in Sir's room. i think my biggest fear is being left alone in the dark for a long period of time and i think probably a lot of people feel that way. One step at a time although i think i have come quite a ways from being only able to stay in the dark for just a couple of minutes before i started to panic. Now if only i can get on a roller coaster.......