Bondage and Dungeon

i am writing this both happy and a little disappointed in myself. i broke one of my own rules really and i have been feeling like crap for it. my rule in this instance is simple. Do not use any form of manipulation to get what i desire. i believe to do so is wrong, even more so since in this case it pertained to Sir. There is no excuse for my behavior. What makes this worse is that Sir did not get angry with me, instead He was more understanding than anything. i am not saying that this is a bad thing, in fact i was rather grateful that He was not mad over it. Let me tell you how all this came about. i really wanted to experience the "dungeon" Sir has. i boldly hinted at what i wanted instead of simply asking His permission. This, in my mind was inappropriate behavior on my part. i am not sure why i am so shy about asking for things. i suppose it is because i truly feel as if Sir wanted it done, He would do it. i have no problem vocalizing my needs (i.e. using the restroom) but i seem to have a hard time vocalizing my desires. i am not sure yet if that is a good thing or not. It is probably good in certain situations i believe. However, Sir also wants me to be honest about what i am feeling and thinking, so i should have just come out and said something. Part of the reason why i wanted to go in there was because the first time Sir pushed me i didn't handle it too well to be honest and i wanted to show Him i could do and act better. i didn't tell Him that, and i should have. Sir, being generous and insightful, did allow me to go into the dungeon but first He used bondage (on His couch-which i almost fell off of- we both got a laugh out of that one) He used hog tie/predicament bondage (which i must admit i liked), that wrapped around my ankles and wrists and then traveled to my neck. What was really cool is if i lowered my legs the rope would press against my neck causing a light choking sensation. Same went if i lowered my head. The head space that put me in was somewhat surreal for i wanted to stay in the position as long as possible to please Him. He did not keep me in that position long enough for it to hurt, which goes with Sir's principle of moving slowly with me, which of course, i am very thankful for. He then untied me and led me into the dungeon. That was a whole new experience for me. More anticipation occurred, i wasn't sure what He had in mind, but i soon found out. Sir had me standing, tied my hands together above my head and secured my legs spread eagle to each wall. my heart started pounding at that time and i was getting a little shaky. i had to stand on my toes to keep the pressure off my hands and that can make you very tired. lol He used the flogger again which felt a little different considering the position i was in and then He used the cane. Now even though i have said a few times that the cane hurts, this time the echo effect was stronger, and then with the use of the flogger i felt the edges of sub-space. i think perhaps not only was i getting used to the sensation of the cane, i didn't have to focus on supporting myself. Perhaps that has something to do with it. After His short use with the flogger and the cane Sir pulled out the Harley. All i could think was "oh boy" He put that on me and i was so sensitive that i raised up on my toes to get away from it in the beginning. At first i thought i got away with it for Sir did not follow me up, but i was wrong.... so wrong. lol He pushed it against my cu*t and i started squealing. Being tied up, truly not being able to move, even to spread my legs further, (that is so frustrating) made the situation different. He then decided to use His fingers and i was asking permission yet again to cum for Him. my legs gave out and all my weight went to my hands. Lucky for me i like the feel of rope pulling against my skin because i truly buckled. Sir untied my hands and continued to use me. This is the part that is a little frustrating for me. You know that feeling of when you are hanging over the edge of cumming? That's what i was feeling, constantly hanging over the edge. i am not sure why i respond like that sometimes, Sir says that part of orgasm is mental, which means i may be putting up a block of some sort. i am not sure what type it may be, but i am trying to figure it out. After Sir was done using me, He helped me walk back to His living room and had me sit on His couch. Sir is very kind about aftercare should i need it and it is something else i am thankful for. Experiencing all of these things slowly makes me even more certain i wish to take what i have been through so far to the next level. What awaits beyond those lines again i do not know, but i look forward to the journey.