Monday, May 14, 2007

Re-cap Entry- 02-03-07

Today Sir got back from visiting His family and He and i chatted when He got home. He started asking questions about my sex life, or in my case, the lack thereof. i remember telling Him that i felt broken because i felt i did not function correctly in that manner, sex was hard for me to imagine, let alone have an orgasm. He made it clear that i was not broken, i had probably not had the right lovers, which was very true. Sir told me he wanted to try something with me, He wanted me to strip. He told me that if i did not feel ready that it was okay, but part of me wanted to, because i knew it would make Him happy and hopefully proud of me. Now, i did not own a web cam so He could not see me, but trust me when i say that i stripped. i haven't felt that nervous in a long time, my heart was pounding and i was a little cold. Being naked, even though He could not see me, made it a little harder to think, but i was proud of myself and very happy when He said good girl,for i knew that He was pleased. He had me sit down in my chair and spread my legs as far as the chair would allow.Upon doing this i immediately felt "open", and vulnerable. Sir asked me how i was feeling and what i was thinking and i said as much to Him. He confirmed that sitting like that does make me more vulnerable, but that the main intent is to show by body language that i am submissive and my body is for His use. The next thing Sir taught me how to do is something He calls a check. i am not going to go through the entire process here, i will tell you that i had to touch myself intimately and then tell Sir how aroused I was. Talk about more nervousness and blushing!! i can finally giggle at my own nervousness, but i will be brutally honest when i say the first thought in my mind was "You want me to do what??" Later in the conversation Sir said that he knew i was thoughtful that night, but that He was not feeling my submission either. i wanted to cry...i wanted Him to feel my submission as He had before, but some part of me would not let go. We discussed that some before heading off to bed, i will try my best in the future to not hold back, but instead give more of myself.