Thursday, May 24, 2007


i was sitting on the couch when i decided to grab some of the godiva spiced chocolates i had bought. i took a bite from one and the creamy filling was so good i scooped a little with my finger. Not a lot since the chocolate was so thick. i lightly licked it off and the dark spices made me think of sex. When i did it the second time i left my finger in my mouth to lightly suck off the chocolate and went for yet another serving. The third time i did this i got a lot more chocolate and very strong images of asking permission to suck Sir's cock and being allowed to do so entered my brain. As i sat there, i laid back a little and my legs fell open. As the chocolate coated the back of my throat i was sliding my finger slowly in and out of my mouth. Sometimes i would wrap my tongue around my finger or lick it from the base up. my cu*t was getting even wetter and i knew i couldn't touch myself, but i could not stop sucking and licking my finger. It was almost like self-inflicted torture. As the images in my mind started to include sounds and the remembrance of the feel of Sir's skin and scent, i started making small sounds from the back of my throat. i have no idea how long i sat there like that only that i didn't want to stop. my nipples became hard and my breathing a little faster. It got to the point i wanted to move my hips and touch something...anything. lol The images in my head combined with me sucking my finger became borderline masturbation in my mind. So i stopped immediately. That was not fun. lol i waited for a few minutes and then proceeded to go and do my meditation. Sir told me that i was to use my butt plug for meditation tonight. As i got into position and the plug in, i focused on my submission. i was getting into that wonderful deep mindset when for some reason, affirmations started to pop into my head. "What are you?" "i am Your submissive Sir" "What are you for?" "i am for Your pleasure Sir." "Who do you belong to?" "i belong to You Sir." "Who do you obey?" "i obey only You Sir" "What is your body for?" "my body is for Your use Sir" And then my mind fell in the submissive gutter. i am actually somewhat ashamed to admit that, but it is true. The images of sucking Sir's cock and the urge to suck my fingers came back full force and affirmations still went through my head. "What is your cu*t for?" "my cu*t is for Your use Sir" "Who do you cum for?" "i cum only for You Sir." "When do you cum?" "Only when You give me permission Sir" By this time my cu*t was very wet and i started to have the urge to move the plug in my ass, more so when i ran through these final affirmations. "What are you?" "i am Your submissive Sir." "What are you?" "i am Your slut Sir" OMG... ok, the urge was there and i pretty much "ripped" myself from that train of thought. i had to use my submission not to move, not to touch myself, not to suck my fingers (at that point it would have pretty much been masturbation for me and i knew it.... i won't give myself excuses... Sir said no masturbating, plain and simple, besides i think i had gone way far enough as it was) i stayed in meditation for about ten more minutes and focused on finding my center through my submission as Sir has taught me. i felt a lot calmer after meditating for those ten extra minutes and i was able to go to sleep about a half hour later. Just another example of what can happen when you least expect it. This morning i woke almost as horny as i was last night. Orgasm denial one night, over arousal the next, and horny with a swollen clit the following morning does a sensitive submissive make. lol But i am happy so what the hey? Today i am to insert the egg vibe for 20 minutes on high at the top of each hour and after those 20 minutes, lick it clean and then reinsert it at the top of the next 20 and turn it on high again. This is going to happen all day and i think i may actually again have to use my submission not to touch myself. What a day this will be. lol Nerve-wracking but fun.


Sir said...

chai - What a nice surprise to read that this scenario/task created conflicts that required you to use your submission as a tool of empowerment. As you know that is always my goal when challenging you with a task. Like always chai you succeeded with flying colors. Sir