Wednesday, May 16, 2007


i was informed of my other surprise for the up-coming visit. Sir is having two friends over, both in the lifestyle. M is the Dominant and k is His submissive, although k has in the past explored her interests as a Domme. This is to be a high protocol evening for me, casual for them. i am SO happy that Sir is proud of me and trusts me enough to show me off. To me, this is an honor and a chance to show how far i have come in my training and how well Sir has trained me.i have been told that when they arrive i will be in pos.6, until told to rise to meet them. i will be told when i may look them in they eyes. i am to address them as Sir and Mistress K. i will probably be told by Sir to go into pos.4 while He shows them around the house. i may not speak until spoken to, i may not look anyone in the eyes (including Sir) unless instructed otherwise. i will be naked except for my collar, cuffs, waist cinch and heels. Sir will have me do all nine positions. i will crawl unless i am carrying something and then i will be allowed to walk. i will have to ask for permission for anything i do. Sir is going to judge how the evening progresses and if He desires to, He may pull out the pain game. This particular game is a little purple box that has little cards in it. There is a different color code for each toy, body part, number of swats, and duration. i think i will like that game. lol Sir says that maybe k will get involved by picking out the cards for me, and perhaps everyone will join in on the game. i will be the only person on the receiving end of this game. i can't help but think of the game toss the ball- only toss the subbie. LOL i am sorry i have to laugh at that because i am a little nervous... ok.. a lot nervous. The whole night will be about me practicing my submission, challenging my submission and using my submission as a tool of empowerment, which despite my nervousness i am looking forward to. i know that my actions will be a reflection on the training Sir has provided me, and i am determined to attain perfection, or come really darn close. Most of the evening i will have to concentrate on my manners and my behavior. i will show the up-most respect for Sir's friends at all times, regardless what is happening. Since i know that details matter i will make sure that my posture is correct at all times with my back curved naturally and my head and eyes lowered. i will use proper English (no slang terms whatsoever) and pronunciation. Could you imagine if i said "y'all" lol. i am a bit concerned that if i let myself relax TOO much that i may slip into a more casual speech. i think i will need to stay on my toes. i have come to realize the mental strain i am anticipating, worrying about making a mistake and wondering how to avoid making one is on my mind frequently. Worrying about not being perfect is hard, lol and i already know that that night is going to put me in an incredible head space. Sir has explained much to me about what He expects me to do and how He wants me to do it, which has helped immensely. i think my nervousness will ebb once i have everything memorized and down to a tee. Sir has brought up the idea of having k do a check on me, as well as having M and k each having a turn with me at the pain game if Sir decides to bring it up. The thought of someone else touching me (even though it will not be sexual) other than Sir makes me feel very apprehensive and vulnerable. i suppose that is only natural since i have never met M and k and if that happens, my submission and my trust in Sir will guide me. Despite how i am feeling right now, i know that is very much true. my submission will be strongly used that night, but that is how it grows, and i am more than willing to submit in any way Sir desires me to. Sir hopes that this will be a good experience for me and i think it will be, even though i am going through a bunch of different emotions right now. i think i will look back on that night and think about how cool it was, even though i am really nervous right now. It is always worse in your head..... and i can almost guarantee that when the time actually comes i won't be nearly as nervous. my only desire is to please Him and make Him proud of me. i am 100% determined to make that happen, no matter what may be asked of me. For me, failure is not an option.


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