Monday, May 14, 2007

Re-cap Entry 03-20-07/03-21-07

This may be my last journal entry for a couple of days for Sir wanted my journal current so that i can write everyday when i am with Him about everything that happens and the entries be current. Today was significant to me because i came to realize a new depth of my submission to Him. i was doing my position 6 meditation last night, and was thinking upon my submission to Sir. i asked myself, how far am i willing to go, how much of myself am i willing to sacrifice and surrender, how badly do i desire this? i have a vivid imagination, and my mind came up with a rather trying scenario. If Sir were to push me past erotic pain, into just pain, would i still submit and surrender to Him? In my imagination, i was crying and shaking from pain, but my answer was yes. Yes i would still submit, surrender and endure, no questions asked. That was a rather big realization, and i thought about it for most of my day, until i finally summoned up the courage to tell Sir tonight. i told Him, and when He asked me these questions, i started to cry from happiness and my submission. "Who are you chai?" "i am Your submissive Sir" "What are you for?" "i am for Your pleasure Sir" "Who do you obey?" "i obey only You Sir" For those of you who don't know, these are called affirmations, and Sir believes in them very strongly. These are but a few examples of the affirmations He has me do at His pleasure, but i believe in these too, as well as enjoy them. They help keep me in my submission and verbalizing my submission is important to Sir. All in all i am still processing this new bit about myself but i know that this information only makes me and my submission to Him only stronger, which is something i constantly strive for. This weekend will prove to be most positive in that regard i am sure.